Clematis

Copping an attitude - that sounds like a good sign. And you are probably eager to give her anything her little heart desires... =^. .^=

Don, I am so sorry to hear about your dog's sudden death, and I feel really badly that you feel so guilty over something that is not your fault. How could you have known your dog was ill, based on the tiny clues that would only make sense to a vet and probably not even them until after it was too late. It is a sad truth that our beloved pets cannot tell us when something is wrong and provide us with details. Most pets figure out how to let us know when they are hungry, want to go out, or want some attention, but for the most part they have a limited range of ability when it comes to communication. We have to guess, and we learn how to guess the obvious stuff. Sometimes we guess right and sometimes not. One day my dad's housekeeper was in the bathroom cleaning and my cat Lena was standing in the hall meowing her head off. I guessed that Lena, who had just eaten, wanted Kris to get out of the bathroom so Lena could use the litter box in privacy. I pointed this out to Kris, who stepped out. Lena stepped in, and when she was done she left and Kris resumed what she was doing. In a way that was a lucky guess, but the fact that Lena had just eaten and was close to and staring at Kris, who was standing over the litter box, were some pretty big clues. The other thing I would suggest is that cats and small dogs typically hide their illnesses and complaints. A friend who is a retired vet told me this, and explained that many animals - pets and wild animals- know they they are more vulnerable to predators if they are weakened in any way and so they try their best to hide their symptoms. Of course our beloved pets are not in the same situation as a gazelle on the Serengeti with a lion in the distance, but I think that when any of us creatures feel vulnerable our instincts kick in. Sadly, that may mean that our pet who has no qualms about demanding dinner or treats or pets, is likely to hide their symptoms from us. We can train animals to alert us when a person is about to have a seizure or their blood sugar is at a dangerous level, but getting an animal to tell us when they themselves are in trouble is totally different and unfortunately, a lot more difficult.

Yeah, it's tough in rural areas. I feel fortunate that the best doctor I have ever had - also was my dad's doc - is ten minutes from my house. I was also able to find a terrific dentist ten minutes in the other direction who is competent, caring, and funny. The chiro is less than five minutes from my house. But if you need a specialist, good luck and hope you can wait! For me, seeing a neuro if it's not really necessary could be dicey because it's likely that I will be fine before long. If they find nothing that may not look good to the atty on the other side, and if they do find something it could follow me around and make it difficult for me to work in the future. I am not at retirement age yet and need to get in some more years of work. I am hoping that being in a rural area with a dearth of services will play out in my favor when I find myself in the position soon of looking for more work...after all, I am credentialed in two areas and could work as a school psychologist, counselor/psychotherapist, or social worker in a wide variety of settings. I could do all three for some small school district who might think my resume looked like a gold mine...or piece things together...or who knows what! I am trying to be flexible and not panic since that backfires... Kay, how is your Kitty?

Tough to do in a small town surrounded by other small towns - but not too close by. There is a dearth of services of many kinds. I had a good apt with my doc today. He is getting me a prescription/referral for medical massage that hopefully will dovetail nicely with the chiropractic to get my neck in better shape. He is also documenting that while not disabled or not competent to practice my profession, I am not currently able to work more than part time, which constitutes a loss in wages as far as the legal situation is concerned. I was able to get the dots connected between the PCP and the Chiro and the Massage clinic, which is the most mainstream massage place around, one that requires a prescription from the PCP and directives from the chiro, and will work with the insurance from the car accident. The atty was rather happy to see all that lined up. I figure it should make it easier for me in the long run to have connected the dots for them... And it takes a load off my mind. Maybe I can sleep and rest now...

Dang, Kay! That's terrible! Living in the heat with escape is brutal...the last summer I lived in Tucson I was selling my house to my friend with multi-chemical-sensitivity (aka environmental illness) and she was frantic because they were building 188 homes on the formerly empty acreage and spraying with termiticide before laying the foundations. She didn't want me to run the swamp cooler, and hence pump the pesticide through the house. All Summer! She also didn't want me running the water in either bathroom tub or shower because there was some issue that could cause mold. I ran water in the tub with a garden hose to bathe. At least I could cool off while bathing. This was the two months after my mother died and I think I was suffering too much to really grieve. I was trying to pack up to move that summer, and also had a bronchial infection that hung on all summer...I didn't have health insurance or any money to see a doctor, so I couldn't get the antibiotic I needed. It took me six months after I was clear of the infection before I could do any exercise or drink iced beverages without coughing my brains out. I totally believed it was permanent and that I would never be able to sing again. On the plus side, I discovered that lemon-mint sugar free Ricola cough drops were better than any asthma medication since coughing is my biggest asthma trigger. It's amazing what we can survive. It's also amazing that it's that hot in Oregon! It's probably humid as well, huh? Hope you get some improvement in things soon!

I see my doctor tomorrow afternoon and hopefully he will be helpful. I'm going to ask him to refer me to medical massage and see if that is a good adjunct to the chiropractic. My doc is a good guy and very smart, but not particularly clued up about head injuries and soft tissue problems. Nevertheless, he is generally pretty good about going along with reasonable suggestions that I propose to him. Any ideas? I suppose the big one I have been ignoring has been rest and not worrying. That's a hard one for me...

Awww, Kay - I'm so sorry to hear about Kitty. I'm thinking of you both...

Oh Kay, I am so sorry to hear about your Kitty being so sick and quite possibly near the end. That is really hard, and I really feel badly for you. Cats are such a treasure in our lives...

Hi George, I finally got the distilled water to go with the magnesium flakes and mixed it up tonight, spraying it on my neck and back before I went to bed. Is that the thing to do? Laura

Thanks, Kay! I really appreciate your concern and comments.

I love these people and it is really hard watching Herb fall apart like he is. He was SO brilliant, and has slid so far. He had a stellar career in every way, and now he doesn't talk much. I think he knows he's not capable of what he used to do cognitively. His daughter, one of my best friends in my life-20+years) has been telling me for some time that Herb has dementia but I wasn't sure whether to believe her. He's obviously no longer a walking world encyclopedia, but I never saw him do anything like that attack on me last night. My friend's partner Susan was sitting next to me and told me several times, "just ignore him". Probably what I should have done. But he was like a second father to me in my adult life and it's hard to stop considering him as an authority on practically everything - because he was. But he is just a year younger than my father - will be 88 in October - and he...aint what he used to be. It will be a horrible blow when he - and his wife - are gone. They were both truly amazing people... As to my abilities, I have improved incredibly and many of my symptoms are mostly gone, but I am left with a headache that is triggered by light, noise, and stress. Having only short term part-time employment is stressful, but I really don't think I could work full time right now, and just the idea of it makes my head hurt. I think without a doubt I have post concussive syndrome, and as far as my health is concerned I think Marty was right when she kept telling me to slow down. I wasn't able to do it because I was sure I'd be working full time by the beginning of August and I thought if I wasn't back in my house, I might just snap in two. But what I've been reading about head injuries is all about rest rest rest. Not my forte. So, I see my doctor, who - like most doctors - thinks concussions are nothing to worry about because they go away on their own. He will get my chiropractor's notes before my appointment, and I asked the chiro would he please please, along with his notes send my doc some recommendations to my doc about adjunctive therapies or treatments that would be medically sound and mainstream. Medical massage? I think my doc would write referrals if they seemed reasonable and medically logical for me at this point. I have also provided both of them with five pages of my day by day symptoms since day one of the car accident. Anyone have any ideas that would help headaches triggered by noise, light, stress, and neck tension? I guess the only solution for the fatigue is rest for the brain. Real rest.

It was such a hard summer, working almost every day-sometimes long days-on my dad's estate, consolidating his and my stuff together into my condo. I am far from done going through all of his stuff, but at least I did manage to get moved into my own condo, fixed up a few things, and got rid tons of stuff. Most of the work I was doing is gone; the guy I was working for lost the contract. I do have a short term contract of my own and am trying to focus on doing a good job of that. In a way I am kind of relieved; I don't think I am really in any shape to work full time or to drive 2-1/2 hours (each way) to work on a reservation, even two days a week, like I did for four years before the accident. I used to have so much energy it made people tired just to hear what I did in a given period of time. Now I have headaches, light and noise sensitivity, and I get very tired, even after a short day. I sometimes feel like I could just go to bed at 5:30 or 6:00 in the evening because I am so tired, but I am not actually sleeping all that well. It's hard to imagine how I could be working full time at this point. But I need to work. From what I've read recently, I wonder if I was really doing too much this summer. Maybe I should have been resting and not trying desperately to get this move accomplished this summer, in ten weeks. But now it is back to school time, I should be working full time, but I am working part time and don't think I could be doing any more. It's hard to even think about what I would have to do to get more work. I feel guilty about not busting my butt pounding the pavement looking for more work, but am not sure I could really do it. I had dinner with a friend and her family; they are in town for the week. I was talking to my friend's partner about how I think I have too much fatigue and headache to work full time. My friend's dad jumped in and more or less told me that I was malingering because it had been three months and I must not want to work because I was making too many excuses. He pointed out that my dad always worked hard and I should follow his example. I pointed out that my dad was to tired to do much of anything after he had Parkinson's, and my friend's dad told me that was different because my dad was retired before he was so tired. I pointed out that I had a head injury and he told me that the only problem I had was a bad attitude. He was basically telling me that there was no good reason to be tired three months after a concussion - like I must have suddenly developed severe laziness. This guy is a retired physics and chemistry professor and was a truly brilliant guy-major scientist and mathematician, but my friend and her partner keep telling me that he has dementia and some significant frontal lobe problems. You guys know me somewhat by now...is he nuts, or do I sound like I actually don't want to work?

I don't seem to be falling anymore and my head seems to be less of a magnet for blows. I do sometimes feel like I am in free fall, and so I put this here under Falling. I am getting worried about having headaches every day for three months triggered by light and noise, and accompanied by fatigue. I have lost at least half of my work, and am worried about finding more because I am so tired. I really don't thing I am capable of working full time at this point due to the accident. This morning I awoke with a headache from a dream that I had lost my house and about everything in it. I was forced to live in a teepee and was in there with my few possessions trying to figure out how to put up room dividers so that you couldn't see the bed from the "couch" area, where I was hoping I could see clients and make some money. Of course Lena was long gone. You really do need a house in order to have a house cat. My friend Greg, upon hearing this, told me, "That wasn't a dream-that was a flashback!" He has a point; when I was a very young adult I lived in a teepee with my ex-husband. We had just met and that was where he was living - in his teepee. Ultimately, I left because in addition to other problems he decided that he didn't really want to work and had made the decision that we would sell our house and move back into the teepee. In Flagstaff, where the temperatures go below zero in the winter - frequently. I thought that if I left I could manage to take better care of myself. So far, I have...

Thanks, George. I really appreciate your help and suggestions. I am trying, and I certainly know what I need to do to take care of myself, but it's a lot easier said than done. My diet is suboptimal since I am just too tired and apathetic to cook. Mostly too tired. The best thing I can say for my diet is that in addition to the Lucky Charms and some other junk I eat, I eat TONS of steamed vegetables. I steam a big pile of fresh veggies at once, and then when I am hungry I put some in the microwave. Unfortunately I have to leave the house to go get them. If someone would come over and prepare nutritious meals for me I would certainly eat them, but I cannot persuade Lena, my cat to, cook for me even though it is quite clearly her turn. She says it's not in her job description. Right now I am lurking in the cool dark of my house. I should get up and go to Walgreens to get something i need and water the plants at my dad's house as well as the ones in my own front yard, but since I know it will make my head hurt worse I am avoiding it.

I keep having this idea that this will stop and the grief will be over and I will be ok again, even though the more I read here the more I realize that just isn't how it works. I think this has really been way too much - losing my dad and then my aunt and then my sisters (even tho they are still alive) and then my job.The car accident was just too much on top of it all and I've now had a headache for almost all the time for three months. My diet is terrible because I eat whatever is in the house and avoid going to the store because either the light will give me a worse headache or it's dark but I'm too tired to care. I think things are getting worse. There is not just a hole in my heart - there's a hole in my life, and I don't think I will ever be ok again. I'm not even sure who I am anymore. I don't play music, I don't paint...who am I? I have tons of my mother's paintings and have hung up quite a few of them, but none of my own. There are too many paintings and no room for mine it seems. Well, there are no paintings in either bedroom, and most of my mother's paintings have found spots. My paintings are leaning against the wall on the floor, but I don't seem to be able to hang them any more than I can sleep in my bed. Not sure why...

I ended up replacing the mattress, but have yet to sleep in the bed, even in its location back in my own house. I am still sleeping in the little day bed, which is kind of cramped because the bedding is firmly tucked in on one side and at the end. Nevertheless it is cozy and I guess I sleep ok in it even though it is a little cramped. The cat is enjoying having that big tempurpedic bed to herself for napping. It just seems like too much wide open space to sleep in. Every day I go and look at it but I never seem to be able to even think about sleeping in it. The room where I used to sleep is now only where I keep my clothes and look for Lena when I can't find her. It's possible that I'd sleep and feel better by stretching out on the big bed but I don't seem to be able to do it. It is as if I were hiding in a little cave when I go to bed. My dad's house still smells terrible, but I think it is in the carpeting. I will eventually have to spend enough time in there to clean out what is left. Maybe it will get better by sitting there? Or when the weather cools off and is drier? I never tried the other things you suggested...when I read this before I was just thinking about the mattress, which I replaced. but maybe I should think about the rest for his house...

Hi Sharirouse, I just now noticed your post and I know well what you mean. I used to be close to my sister - the older one - and now I feel a lot as if she were dead. As I have gone through my things and my father's things in my efforts to consolidate two condos stuff into one, I run across things she made, letters she wrote, cards, things gave me and so on. I have the same kind of sadness that I feel with my dad's things. I remember the past as I see these things...things remind me of my dad when he was alive and things remind me of my sister back when she used to like me. I loved her. I thought we loved each other. And now it is as if she were dead. I feel very sad. I have lost my entire family, even though two of them are still alive. It really is as if they were all dead - both parents and both sisters. I miss the life I had when I had a family. Now I have only my cat... I am sorry about your brother. It is hard to really give up on family...

My headache continues and it's really starting to get to me. Actually the last two days it has been more intermittent than constant, which makes the triggers more clear. In addition to the neck tension, light and noise sensitivity seem to be a problem. Without thinking too much about it, I have avoided going out during the day when I don't have to, and in the evenings I am often to tired to go eat and so I eat what is in the house, or walk down to my dad's house after dark to see what he has in his freezer. Today I felt great until I went to the library (five minutes away) and dropped by my dad's house on the way home. So I had a bad headache by the time I got home, and the neighbors in the condo next door were playing loud music for hours. All I could hear was the bass - boom boom boom. I tried going over to ask them to turn down the bass but they have a gate about ten feet from their door and it was locked, and so I had to just put up with it. Eventually it stopped but then resumed a while later. This time the gate was open so I went ant knocked. Their daughter came to the door and I was talking to her and she was amiably shrugging it off. I asked her if anyone else was there and she pointed to her friend (of the same age). I asked her if either of her parents were home and she said her mother was in the kitchen. I asked her mother the same thing and her mother was very defensive, saying the girls were having a dance party. I apologized and she said, "Look, we turned it down!" ...as in what do you want? and added that they had company coming ...as in I should disappear. I live in a condo and they are naturally very close together. I have tried to be a good neighbor and look the other way regardless what they ever did. The rule is against any cats or dogs being outside off-leash. My cat, of course, only leaves the house on leash and harness (I wouldn't risk it otherwise), but their cats like to hang out on my back patio, taunting my cat through the sliding glass door, and leaving white hair all over anything fabric I ever leave on my patio. He once bragged to me about how the dog catcher caught one of their cats and he somehow went down there and got hold of the cat and made off with it without paying the fine. The parking is also very limited and everyone has two spots, generally one in their garage and one in a carport. They use their garage as an extra room and so they are always scrambling to figure out where to put their other car. They have parked it here & there, but often in front of our two garages, which share a common wall. I didn't really car about this for the last four years because I seldom opened my garage door and did not park in there, but told them that I would like them to stop parking in front of my garage this summer since I was moving and would be moving stuff in and out of the garage. They parked in front of my garage anyway and one day I had to wait 15 minutes for him to move his car from in front of my garage. I will eventually be parking my Corolla in my garage and the Mercury in the carport, after I clear the garage a bit. Then they will really have a problem, because I will be leaving for work from my garage and can't have their car parked behind mine... Sorry about all the whining - it's just a thorn in my side and I am really tired of thorns in my side. I have had far too many...

I'm not sure what magnesium bath flakes are...sounds interesting, and so I ordered some on Amazon

I haven't found that this strategy works...it's more like if I like it, I like it and there is no much thing as too much. I tend to not get tired of things. I could eat the same thing day after day after day and it could take months - or longer - to get sick of it.

Salted caramel ice cream and Margaritas - I can relate to that. I had been successfully losing weight when my dad died and suddenly all I could think of eating was ice-cream, macaroni & cheese and Lucky Charms for breakfast. I have been consuming a ton of steamed veggies as well, but that other stuff...well maybe that's just what people do with a loss. I keep trying to stop eating Lucky Charms, but it's hard because knowing they're in the kitchen is enough to get me out of bed in the morning. Then I stop eating them and there is another calamity. I went back to the Lucky Charms when my aunt died, after the car accident, during the moving crush, and when I found out I lost my job. I suppose there are worse things one could be doing... but salted caramel ice cream--dang that sounds good!

I also got a couple of other suggestions. I had a rice-filled cloth thing I was using at my dad's house to ice it with that hit the spot. I lost track of it and confused it with some other item that didn't work as well, but I looked in the freezer at his house today and there it was-the good one. Also, someone asked me if I had an electric massager you use yourself, and I remembered that I bought one for next to nothing at a garage my dad's neighbor had. I never used it. But where could it be? Maybe still in his bedroom where I took it to test it? Yup! All the furniture's gone but there's still a lot of stuff everywhere. Also someone suggested epsom salts (assuming I could remain still long enough for it to do anything). Also, the chiro suggested that I go back to doing the aqua aerobics classes and maybe have a brief sit in the jacuzzi afterwards. I used to love doing that before my life fell apart. He said that anything in the water would be good...

Pretty scary, huh? No wonder my friend the OT didn't want to see her! This woman was basically threatening me with something that could in effect end my career, having never seen me, and knowing nothing more than my name, my field, that I had been in a car accident and that I had once slipped and referred to the back seat of a car as the back yard of the car. Someone suggested to me that perhaps she is the one who should be reported to her board. No, I am nowhere near the level where competency is being questioned. Well, I think I've gotten the attention of my doctor and chiro and they seem to be committed to working on a plan for the headache issue.

You're right, Kay...and I shouldn't have to live with a headache forever either. The lawyer is still out of town but should be back soon. So here's the plan. My doctor wants the chiro to send him his notes and after he does, I will see the doctor and we will talk about the progress of this. Truth is I've been pretty much being my own case manager in all this. Well, that's a social work thing, and I am a social worker, but this is not a field of expertise for me and I am the patient, not a professional in this case. I see the chiro today. As to the neuro part, I was originally referred to a neuropsychologist but the wait was too long, then had a runaround of several neurologists. Then the doctor said it should be a neuropsychologist, which seemed right to me all along, because they are the experts on output from the brain (rather than internal/medical issues). So eventually I was referred to a neuropsychologist and then another. Wait-was this the first person? Yup. She couldn't see me until December and doesn't work with car accidents anyway, but she talked to me on the phone and scared the pee out of me by telling me that if she found anything significant she would call my board and tell them that I was impaired and not allowed to work. In fact, she suggested that I should just call them myself. I got on the phone and called my friend "S" who is a psychiatrist and another friend "G", who is a recently retired OT (occupational therapist), who had a serious head event right after she retired. Both said I was nowhere near the level where someone would be reported to a board. G told me that she knew this neuropsych personally and chose not to see her but someone else. G had some other ideas, primarily that it was probably too late and that since I am a professional with a good level of self-awareness I can put my own safety checks in place, such as only working when I am well rested, having another friend who is also a school psych proofread my first reports, etc. S told me that reporting to a board is a nightmare and she has only had to do this once and the patient was seriously out of control from a mental illness and had actually been arrested, and so S had no choice but to report her. S also told me that this was a nightmare for her patient because then she had to prove that she was competent so that she could go back to work, and then go back for another eval every 90 days to prove that she continued to be competent.

I think that's true...unfortunately, the only clear view will be from the future looking back, and even that may not be accurate. I lost my job in 2009 and felt like I was in free fall. My dad carried me through it financially since I had very little work for about two years. Looking back on it, my recollection was lying on the floor with my cello or guitar waiting to stop breathing, wondering why my dad was helping such a lazy good-for-nothing, and then getting up to resume practicing. Going through my stuff while moving recently, I got a more accurate picture of what I was really doing. I applied for nursing school, was accepted. whipped through the prerequisites, started the nursing program, and completed the CNA program. Meanwhile I played music in three different groups - with related rehearsals, cooked dinner for my dad almost every night, did a little medical social work (home visits 20-30 minutes drive from my house), and got up at 4:30 every morning so that I could practice for three hours before class or work. I was so exhausted my friends in the contra dance band kinda alternated having me "couch-surf" at their homes because no one thought I was safe to drive home after a dance or other late events. Once I fell asleep onstage while playing - just a quick nod-off, but indicative of my state of mind - desperation. Pretty crazy that I had forgotten all that... Had it not been for the car accident and head injury, I would have probably been at it like that this summer as well. But I have been restricted and been surrounded by people insisting and reminding me to take it easy and not be a maniac