Margm

I was so afraid of dying and Brianna finding me. Now I don't have that worry. I hope I just go to sleep and wake up with Billy. I know that you have to be a deep, true believer to imagine what sounds like a fairy tale. As I have quoted so many times, he would say "I am you and you are me" and dammit, that part that is him, it seems a long way away. Oh, I can see that leg, below the knee, where he shot himself in the leg. Actually, it was an accident and failure of a young man to be careful. He placed the shotgun on the fence and was so lucky it just took away the fat pad below his inner leg. If I could just touch it, and I feel like I can. Nothing sexual y'all, just "me being him." And he would always say "Why do you believe like you do?" Of course, I said "Because I have to" and at those times I felt so far away from my religion by my own guilt, it was Billy who brought me back around. "He (Jesus) is the good shepherd, he would leave his 99 sheep for one lost one" and my Billy was studying to be a Methodist minister when something bad happened. I may have said what it was before, but just believing his pride, human pride, is involved, I can't. He does not have human pride anymore. I have to believe like I do, Billy, and know it was like you did too. But sometimes I worry about why I believe. Mama said "don't ever question the Bible" so I have not. And here I am talking about religion. My knees hurt, I stay fairly close to home, I read my Kindle, and I've gotten to where I don't want to see anyone. I saw both of my kids today. I do love. I miss Brianna and I want to cry but then I think "what if she moved back in?" I don't want her hiding from the world in that room of hers. I see some things I am curious about looking into boxes for. That is a big step for me. I'm sorry, word salad, hold the dressing.

I'm a mustard seed Christian. I planned on hastening the event. My mustard seed got in the way.

He had dementia, but died of COVID. Daughter has a cancer that has to be fought constantly. I don't know if they let mom be with Bob, but she has COVID now too. My heart is with them all. That is just one family. How many more?

Kelli was leaving the $ store as three people were coming in. They fussed and cussed the manager. They said "what are you going to do if we come in anyhow. She told them she would call the police. We are under mask mandate, shots or not. I was already wearing them, and will keep on until we are safe, if ever. I'm glad its not Ebola. One many years friend, many years old friend fell into dementia the last three years. He passed today. I've known him and his wife like all my life. They were grown when I first knew them as I was a kid, so they both are in their late 80's. Strange, being married over 60 years, I imagine Bonnie will follow him soon. They were missionaries when I knew them the 2nd time, came from my home town and discovered them at my grown up home church. My biggest fear with Brianna here was that she might find me unable to wake up. I don't worry about that anymore. Also, her date lasted about six hours or more. Met his parents. I know getting hurt happens. Always if I broke up with someone, I did not grieve. If they broke up with me, or made it where I could not go with them again, I was just depressed with that appearance all the time. (Until a couple of weeks and there was someone else.) I really was a good girl, but I did like a variety. By the time Billy came along I was tired. And, Mama's quote from probably Shakespeare was "Men have died and worms have eaten them, but not for love" and I actually think she still believed that even after Daddy passed. I believed differently when Billy left. I figured whoever wrote it had not had Billy for a mate. Anyhow, I hope she does not get hurt. Her little mind, I worry about. I do believe Louisiana has overtaken Florida for the most COVID. We do have some stupid people. As an addendum, the many years old friend that passed today, just found out his wife has it too. Same age. Sometimes people think they have rights, which they do. We have a right to bear arms. But, if we go into a crowded stadium and use our right to bear arms by killing 100 people, can you compare that to "right not to have the shot, their choice" and then they go into a family party and all the elders die, sometimes our rights impose on other people., but yes, we still have the rights. I mentioned sometime before at the starting of this pandemic a son wanted to give his mom and dad an anniversary party. One of the servers unknowingly had COVID. My cousins brother in law had wanted to see his great grandchildren. He was the first to go, then the two anniversary honoree's left within two days of each other. Three people from a small family party. We have to protect ourselves from those that would not protect us, and in the meantime protect them too.

I lost a cousin on the 4th. I could not go to funeral. Another cousin, her kids (grown) would not let her and her husband go. I have not seen my uncle since 2018. Would not dare go around them. The first two days she was gone, I couldn't even cry. Honestly, if you have someone around you, no matter how sweet they are, you know "something" is expected of you. No one but my sister does that now. I think I like living by myself. I miss her, but I was not helping her by hiding her from life. She met this boy, college student, plays in a band, works at store for books and the long play vinyl records. They went in there twice and she actually talked to him. They have been texting now for awhile and she is actually going on a date with him. I hope she has enough "wherewithall" to talk and not freak out if he holds her hand. She does not like to be touched. But, she has got to learn to live life. She talks to therapists on the phone five minutes and that does not help anything. Now we all have (I hope) enough sense not to question her.........if she goes. I can't see her going. She actually has been too much living in a bubble. We will see. She is not angry with me and I'm not with her. I think she did me a favor. But I sure love her very much. Kay, I do have Microsoft. Will look into it.

I actually am sad being alone. Then I think, well if she comes back, I won't be alone, but I will be expected to do things with my time I don't have to do now. When my son was divorcing, he was in the Navy on submarines. His ex (to be) had a new husband. The kids were in her way. She was never a mother, did not want to be, cannot think about the abortions she had, some were not my son's. She let us keep them for the week end. Our hearts were broken. When they were gone, our hearts were just shattered. So, we were to meet on a certain place for her to pick them up. We waited, we waited and we waited. She was very late picking them up. Enough time for me to think "do I want to go through raising two more children? I guess I was selfish, but as much as we wanted to keep them, we were in our 40's and our own kids were almost out of the house (they never really left). I had tasted freedom. Billy had made a proposition to keep them. She actually wanted us to but her folks (who would not have taken them) talked her out of it. The kids were raised by an Air Force sergeant with an absent mother 99% of the time. She did not want children. Our grandson, we have not heard from in months. After he got out of rehab, he was so clear sounding (his words were gibberish for years) and his words to his dad were "I'm sorry, I've learned to live without drugs, but I do not want to." He is in his 30's now. I think he might be in jail, which is dangerous in itself, but I would know he had a warm bed, food to eat, and some manner of discipline. Not an ideal place, but he made his sober choice. You have to get it out of your mind. I can. Why can't I do everything else like that?

Kay, my cellphone is a Jitterbug and I only talk on it. Could not find "paint" on my PC. Tried to use "size" but nothing worked.

I was very "healthy" looking, guess I still am. I stopped at the cemetery yesterday and put an autumn arrangement at the end of Mama's part of the stone. She loved red roses. This was pretty though.

So sorry, the pictures came out big. I don't know how to make them smaller. The two are over 77-78 years old. Kay, could not find what you said. Tried some other things. In my listing of pictures they are all the same size. I wish I could get them down as small as Scott and Kelli's.

I came home just as Mama was leaving. She had actually left a long time ago. I didn't like her, but I loved her and admired her even more than that. She was a wonderful mom until she had my sister. My little sister does not remember a wonderful mom. Sometime after the pregnancy, her little mind broke. Now business-wise, she could have been the CEO of some big company, but as wife and mom, she was absent. I had to come back home to find her again, she was still a mean woman before the Alzheimer's. But I am at peace with her now. Tomorrow is her death anniversary. I closed her eyes and told her to tell Billy I was so sorry I was not holding him. I will never live that down in my mind, I failed him and me. The pictures are of Scott and Kelli and Mama and Daddy teaching me to make hand motion of "goody-goody" With Kelli taking her, Brianna got out to her favorite kind of store, books and LP records. She has a huge collection. Bri is beautiful, has never been on a date and I had to physically chase two young men away from her at school. At her request. In this new store she met a college student, singer in some local band, and he asked for her number. He was very kind, slow, not pushing her (the other boys were) and they have texted constantly since meeting him. He knows it is her first date and I think he got scared, and maybe he was thinking he was getting too serious.. He stressed they were friends and she told him at the first time she met him she was not ready for anything else. She ignored a few of his texts and now he has, of course, come on gangbusters. So, they will go out Saturday night. Not six months ago she got anxious if she could not see me in Walmart. I don't know how this is going to go, but it has to be better than hiding in her big room. She and I are not angry with each other. This had to happen sooner or later. She has to grow. She has to learn there is a world out there and the college is only about 4-5 miles, or less than Kelli's house. She would have never gone over here and I get too exhausted taking her shopping, I pushed this on Kelli who is taking chemo for the thyroid cancer. Some cells still in the thyroid, and her being a bleeder, they don't want to operate on such a vascular place, but will if this does not work. I'm worried, and of course Scott has not been checked yet. He lied to me and told me he had. Men are difficult about their "family jewels" yet it is second nature for a woman's legs to be in stirrups with cold instruments ramming everywhere. Life really was a magazine.

Add Gorilla Glue and you have it fixed...........whatever needs fixed. It held our mailbox on the long board of mailboxes for 10 years through snow, wind, cold, heat, and it never loosened.

Probably won't be on much. I am now alone for the first time in (it will be 79 years on August 13th). How can I feel sorry for myself? I have harbored my granddaughter for too many years to count. I am/was doing her no good, except the counselor's told us "not to push" so I never pushed. My biggest fear was dying in my sleep and her finding me.. She is 22-years old, has never had a date, has never done anything in crowds but used to go to concerts. I allowed her to make a private apartment of the big bed and bath. She would "try" to sleep all day, wake up near 10:00 pm, and I was staying up till sometimes 4:00 am and later to give her "company." Never have I known a sweeter person, but even beautiful and sweet, she would talk back (not much, not mean), and remind me I had said something. Also, you all know the generation I come from. I am a very accepting OLD lady. A lot in my family are gay or "bi" and I love each of them and it is none of my business what goes on behind closed doors. But now, well now this is included: The historical concept of sexual identities is relatively new. ...Yet, sexual identity — and finding one to identify with — can also help build community and allow individuals to understand their own desires. ... Lesbian. ... Bisexual. ... Pansexual. ... Gay. ... Asexual. ... Allosexual. And, I am afraid the list goes on and on. New words for something I never learned. I was/am as straight as an arrow and when my sister told me happily "I felt I had the best of both worlds." Okay, she was happy. I was happy for her. A friend, her son was "??sexual" and she looked at me seriously, "now you cannot tell me you have not looked at another woman and not lusted." Not exactly her words, but the meaning was totally exact. I looked at her and said, no I have never looked at a woman, even a beautiful sexy woman with any more feelings than if I was looking at the "Mona Lisa." My granddaughter and I parted ways because I was shocked at two tween boys making out. The fact is, she could never grow hidden in that big room. With her mother will be fingers on chalkboard, but she will work on herself to make a life. Sometimes she would contradict some things I did and somehow, I felt at my age, I was owed a little more respect. Many times I told her if she was not comfortable, she could leave. So, she finally did. No anger on any of our parts. I come from a different world. I am allowed my own opinions, and I have kept quiet for so long. (know that is hard to believe), but she is the sweetest, most purely accepting person I know of. But, I'm not. I do so very good accepting things as they are, cannot change, no Biblical verses, just learn to accept. Keep quiet. I actually do very good for a nearly 79 year old gal. But hearing nothing and feeling her standing somewhere in the house is sorta sad to me. I have NEVER been on my own. Guess I'm still not. My sister has to know where I am, what I'm eating, making sure I go to the damn doctor (which I hate), he cannot save me. But, he did change my BP med, and it helped. He is a good guy.. Perhaps my daughter can do what I cannot. They said "don't push" and my daughter is a bulldozer. Perhaps that is what she needs. I will adapt. I am not afraid alone. That is that up to now. Mama will be gone five years tomorrow. She left about 10 months after he did. And, I'm getting a new phone for seniors, used to be called a Jitterbug. It has a GPS chip in it that can find me if I decide to go somewhere without telling. I very seldom do that. It has a big red star on it that if I am in any kind of distress I can punch and help will arrive. So, I'm not alone. I do not want to get an animal. I am like my aunt in this. She was an animal lover, but during her last years she would not get one. She was thinking of the pet. It would be lost without her and have to be rehomed or worse. That's all.

Billy turned 75 again today.

Kay, are you that live on the western part of USA, are you far enough away from the wild fires? I know you must be getting some of the smoke and know Gwen does not need that (or any of us).

Probably my only snub. We were all friends through marriage, moved away, came home, told them and the response was almost like "and who are you?" Puzzled. It was two couples. One has lost her husband since. I'm sorry for her.

I think I have all of the typical age related changes. I did forget to pay one of the bills at the beginning of the month. They send the bill out the 15th and it was double what it usually is. It is one of those places you talk to the "bot" and he thinks he can help you with the problem, he finally gives up and lets me talk to the representative. I argued and argued that I had paid and had the confirmation #. I did, but it was for June. First time, and I hope only time, I forget to pay one of those three I pay by computer. I cannot say I have forgotten an appointment though.. In fact, I keep the appointment calendar for whole family.

Marty, thank you so much. I know I had to have mentioned that a new blood pressure med was making me mean. I just wanted to run away, but honestly, where can you go to get away from yourself. I knew I was the problem, but did not know why. Medication was not controlling BP anyhow. I went to doctor in town, my sister and my mom's doc. He changed my medication and I started seeing a difference. Not only was the BP staying down, but the anger went away too and I apologized to everyone. I said some hateful things to my precious granddaughter, which only added to her own problems. I did not even consider dementia though. I read on the BP med I was taking, and others too, can bother mood disorders. I guess as chronic depression, this one just made me different. As soon as I started taking the new one, I could tell the difference. I will read the above that you mentioned. I do get afraid when I read symptoms though. Need to know though. I did have #10. I never thought though about it being a sign of Alzheimer's. My mom had Alzheimer's and I believe Billy was suffering some from the aneurysm at the base of his brain. Aneurysms scare me, yet they called Billy's "old." Perhaps that is why he doubted his "facilities" that we laugh at still, he meant "faculties" but was serious when he asked. I just did not question my "faculties" when I was being "mean." The anger disappeared with the change in medication. But I do have many of the age related problems that I just accept. They worried Billy, I'm not worried......yet.

Hi Ana. I do not get on as often as I did. Not a graduate, just a hang along. Fighting the thyroid cancer with my daughter, she has a bleeding disorder (inherited from me), they are afraid to operate on such a vascular part of her body so she is taking thyroid destroying pills. In all my years of typing medical, I did not pay attention to this. Also, fighting my son having prostate cancer. He goes in on the 21st. I have my 2nd COVID shot on the 22nd. I admit I was afraid of it. I had an inflamed area, went away within a day, and I did have the muscle aches that were no worse than when I have my regular flu shot. Did see a real MD, changed my BP med, and I'm not mean anymore. (Well, no more than usual.) I got a call Saturday from my sister-in-law telling me to have my son come get her in NM and bring her back home. I spent so much time looking up places close to her house that might help, then I talked to my niece. If Billy had been here, he would have drove to NM directly to get his sister. She has been married to my brother-in-law near to 60 years. They own their home near the Rio Grande. It is her husband's and daughter's life long home. I talk to Billy's sister about three or more times a year. The past two years their only daughter had moved in with them. My sis-in-law begrudged her daughter being there. No money involved, only caretaker responsibilities of a care giving daughter. She is a teacher in the public school system, so moving a few miles from her job, my first selfish thought was she was sponging off her parents. How wrong I was. Her dad got angry, drove wrong way on interstate, spent night (for protection) in jail. My niece had locks put on their cars. My sis-in-law has had the police out 3-4 times, but obviously this was for their protection and a "no thanks" job for their daughter. She is handling things from two parents suffering dementia at same time. The father accepts it willingly after spending night in jail. Mom wants to "come back home" where she has not lived in over 60 years and after spending much time getting phone numbers of places, I decided to call our niece. This "young" woman (probably 53), has her hands full. She is not "living off her parents," she is the caretaker of two parents with dementia. No interference from me. It hurts to hear my sister-in-law wanting to "come home," but this is not home anymore. I don't want to let Billy down, but I think common sense tells me to leave it alone. I do not envy my niece. My biggest help to her 900 miles away is to stay out of her way. She did not show any signs of anger at my questions. I did not know but had noticed a small difference when talking to my sis-in-law. We should all have someone that steps in when help is needed (even though it is unwanted). I hope you all are doing as well as you can during this pandemic. I find myself semi-agoraphobic, which probably matches my granddaughter's closely. I do have to get out around people about once a week. I do not consider delivery, I don't trust anyone else picking out my groceries, not sure what I want. I have been worried about the dementia subject. I do not know what to look for. My daughter said that as long as I read as much as I do, and I write some too. I don't want to lie to myself, but I wonder if dementia patients have these reasonings also. I will be 79 next month, hardly a spring chicken, maybe a tough old hen.

I was married a very long time. Lived 2-3 lifetimes during those years. Nothing was perfect, but most times we faced it together. I know this seems simple to hard core drugs, but it was not simple. He was told the nicotine was narrowing his arteries in his late 30's, in his early 40's he had probably the first kidney stent operation that had been performed at our teaching hospital. This was where I worked and retired from my first retirement. They put stents in two kidney arteries after he was stroking out after mowing the yard. In ICU a few days and discharged with malignant hypertension. I shut myself up in the bathroom. I was just a transcriptionist, we did not have computers, but I had access to the whole medical library. I hated that diagnosis. I shut myself up in that bathroom and cried and cried. Billy asked the doc why I did that. Doc told him "because she loves you." I asked him to check his renal lab work. They found he had three kidney arteries, two were occluded and he was only alive because he had an accessory artery. Those stents gave him another at least 40 years. He had to quit smoking, but he took up smokeless tobacco. I never fussed but my first article I typed from a doctor to be published in a medical journal was on smokeless tobacco and cancer. No one in Billy's family had ever had liver or colon cancer and despite two checkups a year, despite all lab work that had to have been skipped over, he slipped away from cancer within 5-6 weeks. He had about a week of hurting. That was too much. So, whatever the drug is, we all hurt ourselves taking legal "drugs" too. Runners, trying to stay healthy die of heart attacks. We cannot make it right. We cannot go back and change things. Our hematologist told us those words we knew so well. "should of, would of, could of" and it was what it was. My grandson, if he is still alive, is lost in the drug jungles of California. He was in rehab. He came out and in his 30's, I still remembered the little boy. He was a sweetheart. I have to put him out of my mind, I have to. He told us he felt good, he was the most sane I had heard him speak in years. And his words to us all were, I'm sorry, but I will not give the drugs up. And, that was the last we heard. He stayed with us during his junior year in high school and in six months had won a medal for his art. A loss to himself, his relatives, friends, daughter and humanity. I'm so sorry about your loss. No words can express how it hurts my heart, and we are legion.

When you are adopted, I think you always have questions. My granddaughter knows the answers of where and why and right now at near 22 this month, she does not voice questions. She knows she is Amerasian. She knows if she wants to talk to these people she can. I've mentioned it and the reaction is negative. Sometimes in a family fuss, I feel her not thinking she is part or loved as much. Blood is blood and I have passed down some medical problems to my daughter I didn't know I had. She really has problems with them though, serious ones. I told my granddaughter that her "Dade" was no kin to me. I never even knew he existed, yet I loved him more than anyone on this Earth. So, blood can cause problems, it is nice to have a lot of kinfolks, but love is love, and it does not come from just having the same blood. I'm afraid with my mood change, I widened a gulf, I hope I can close it. She is loved so very much.

I don't see where I put this, but if I did, just ignore it. I went to our first apartment. No honeymoon, just two other couples with us playing Rook and Dominoes all night. We were all comfortable around each other. The apartment is still there, they use it for storage now. Two men that were working welding/or something mechanical beside it said it had seen better days. To me it looked wonderful. After 60 years it was in a lot better shape than I was. My disposition is lots better. I do not like being mean. Sometimes feels like a person that would kick an animal and I sure would not do that. I just didn't really realize a blood pressure med would make that much difference. I don't want the propranolol. I like the Diovan just fine, that and the Clonidine and I actually really liked and kind of trusted the doc. He was my mom's doc. Also have a follow-up. Gonna get some sleep tonight. Brianna went out with her mom and some of her mom's friends and actually initiated talk with a boy. Baby steps. Proud of her.

I actually cannot get too far from the house except on fast trips. It is really bad when you think about it. I could not leave to "get away" because the person I wanted to leave was me. You cannot get away from yourself no matter how many miles, how many different locales, you are still there. I know they give propranolol for my tremor. Doc gave me Diovan. I was taking amlodipine for a week, noticed personality change. It is a CCB (calcium channel blocker. I was not complaining about the mood change, knew I was different, was told it was my fault, of course didn't want to accept that. It really was. I thought I was channeling my mom. He put me on Diovan, an ARB (angiotensin receptor blocker) and I came out of it. I knew propranolol sometimes causes depression. I am a chronic depression person. This regimen works.. Blood pressure down, moods evened out. I apologized for the things I had said. And, it was me, it was not them. I don't want the propranolol, but he thinks it will help the tremors. I can put up with them. They make me drop things, I don't like using a shovel to eat with to keep things from falling off the big spoon, but I don't want any more chronic depression. I'm not suffering, well, I am some, but I can put up with it. Legally, I am a widow, will be six years in October. Mentally, I am still married, my ring stays on my married finger. This man has lived 60 years in my heart. Today is our 60th anniversary, whether he is here or not. Also, don't take my word about the blood pressure meds. You take what works for you. My diagnosis is chronic depression, besides hypertension, so it just picked on my depression. It might make other people feel wonderful. I feel like that about clonidine at night. I feel it helps me sleep and if you look, they use it for other things too.

We are reading of all this down here in the furnace called "Louisiana" but after all these years we are used to it. Not many temperatures as high as some of y'all are getting though. I'm so sorry. I guess we would still be living in those high ceiling homes, windows and screens on all of them. The attic fan pulled in hot air, but we were used to it. Humidity heavy so we "glimmered" a lot. The sweat made the hot air cool the sweat. I'm so sorry so many people have lost their life to this. Climate change comes in all shapes and sizes I guess. And, you will probably have a record cold winter. Just as puzzling as this pandemic. People with a Christian background sort of wonder if this is "it." I don't know what "it" is, but I sure hope you all get some relief. Gwen, if you can prop your feet up on pillows and sit down longer than usual. I finally went to the doc, a real one, yesterday. Changed my blood pressure med. The kind I was on was reacting with the other two and I'm afraid I had a personality change. I don't know why, but I was mean to everyone and couldn't quit being. I am going to leave the house and just be by myself. I hate a mean person and it was like I was channeling my mom. Need to say I'm sorry to lots of family. Apologized as best as I could. Am truly ashamed of me. I think Marty's dad said "glistened" and I put glimmered. I like all that, but I just plain sweat.

In apartments, we really do not get to know neighbors. I miss my friend in Arkansas where we actually visited each other. That was before COVID though. She is 80 or 81 now, I tried to call her but machine answered. Remembered, she would not answer phone. If I had used my cell phone, she would maybe have recognized the number. Have been away from there nearly six years though. I have no clue why you all are getting such hot weather. We are used to it. My sister has to stay inside with A/C turned down to 62.

Tried to put a repeat of what Gwen said. My hands shake too bad to keep the shadowing on the sentence, so I will type. I just heard the heat that Seattle is suffering. We just got a short, heavy shower. Humid, hot Louisiana is used to heat waves but, I believe you all are suffering a severe climate change. I am so sorry. My sister was going to try to go to her AA meeting at 5:00, I don't figure she got out in it. She has enough trouble breathing with her A/C turned down to 62 and drying out the air. I have to keep ours on 72. Humidity does not bother me, but I'm afraid it is debilitating to her. Do not think she can continue working so we will look for government housing. She is going to have a problem with the smoking outside conditioning. My daughter and son live in a very slim group of townhouses and the vents were not made large enough to carry the cool air up to where their bedrooms are. They use fans but there are 17 steps to top floor. Bottom floor at 70 keeps freezing up and right now they are without A/C. They are buying a single wide trailer and will move out of the sauna they live in. I know the people that live in areas they are not used to the heat and humidity, it makes it hard to tolerate this heat. I'm sorry. With the shots, hope the pandemic is lessening, but I still wear my mask. I had my first one and have to admit that with my tenuous health, I was very afraid, not of the shot, but how my screwed up insides would take it. I was pestered by family until I had the Moderna. Will have another in July. Only had a small inflamed area but did suffer low grade temp (taken care of with Tylenol) and tiredness and muscle aches for 24 hours. I do that with my regular flu shot, would think it was in my head if it was not so uncomfortable. I am so sorry you all have that heat wave. Kelli sent video of Nawlins (her Poodle) that is I think over 11 years old, and she just pants under the fan. Kelli cut her hair so close she looks almost shaved, but had to because she was so hot. My thoughts are with you all, and I am sorry. We did not have A/C until 1967, and did not know what it was to do without it. We had window fans, attic fans, swiveling large fans, windows with screens, open all the time. I can remember going to visit relatives in big old houses, high roof, large rooms, big porch on front and back with big oak trees all around the houses and thinking how nice it was. In the mornings we would wake up with damp sheets, a lot cooler from the morning dew being pulled through the screens. We did not know about A/C. Again, my heart goes out to you and hope you have cooler weather soon. Gwen, I have a bath stool in my shower that sits up high enough that I am not uncomfortable. Actually scared of my balance unless I lean against side of shower.