Margm

Appropriate place for good news Kevin. Congratulations. I close on the Arkansas home first week of October. Do not mind closing, just hate to be in that town in October.

This week I learned my long-time friend has cancer just about everywhere there is a place to have it. She will be 72 on September 29th. I have a story to tell, I am putting it here. Her life is worthy a book, but I won't put it where her friends and family can read it. She was a coworker for 27 years. When she was 14, she got pregnant and in those days (down south) girls got married. She was a widow at 17 with a young son to raise. She got her GED and she got married again. We don't know if the first one was a prize or not, he did not live long enough to know. Her second husband ran around on her but she had another little boy to raise by this time. His girlfriend got pregnant and she even allowed him and his new wife to live with her awhile, being more friends with the wife than her old husband. And that baby was her boy's brother and she loved him. I'm sure there was anguish along the way, but she never showed it, she just got married again. This one didn't last because he had children and hers and his did not get along, so another divorce. If there was anguish, she never showed it, made a joke out of the disarray of her life. Then she met the love of her life. (Or at least, we will call him the last love of her life.) Unfortunately, he was married, but he soon got a divorce and all went swimmingly well for a couple or three months. They had a problem. He could not understand her being jealous of his having affairs. They took this to a marriage counselor and yes, again, we all would have a good laugh along with my friend at the end of this marriage. Sorry folks, he and the counselor had a connection, both quit their jobs and became preachers for the "cowboy church" that you have probably seen, or heard of. That was her last. Her oldest son, her mom and dad and she all bought mobile homes and moved them on a piece of land sort of like in the old westerns when the wagon trains would surround each other. Her mom and dad and children, and all family had stood by her throughout all her trials and tribulations. She never hung her head, she was well admired by us all, loved very much by her children and grandchildren and her parents most of all. Her oldest son said "Mom, you don't have much luck with men, have you ever thought of trying women." That was a standing joke we at the office laughed about. In these later years, she has taken care of her mom and dad with her mom passing away, I think, last year. Her dad had passed a few years before. I guess her work on Earth is done. I think of her often. No childhood, other than 14 years. Her mom and dad were not slovenly parents, they were loving parents and an accident happened. She paid for it, over and over, and she made the best lemonade of the life lemons threw at her. I am sure her children and grandchildren call her blessed. I know I do. It has been an honor to know this friend. One thing I did not put and my granddaughter and I have just finished Law and Order, SVU, so I need to put it. I worked 11-7 for seven years. My friend was going to take my shift for it to work out better with her children. (She had her mom and dad then). My office was in the dungeon of the hospital, underground. It was night, so I didn't need a window. The first night she took my place a boy from the laboratory came down the elevator. No one around at that hour of the night. He grabbed her and took her upstairs to an unused room and was going to rape her. She managed to plead with him because she had young children and she got loose and got the guards. Strange, he had just graduated high school with honors. He did go to jail. If she had not taken my place, it would have been me and I shudder at that thought. Sometimes we are survivors in this life of twists and turns. No rhyme or reason to this story and the lead player won't read it, and I would not want her to.

Tom, I was wondering how things were going with you. I remember my mom's two "sayings" (and she had a thousand page book of "sayings") and two were "out of sight, out of mind" and "absence makes the heart grow fonder." These kinda counteracted each other. Maybe your Albuquerque friend has more "smarts" about the place you are in right now and she does not think she can deal with your feelings still for your wife and share your feelings for the new woman. In that case, she is very smart. I know, after a time, people find other mates. You are open to it, so it might still happen. I have too many friends that have made it work and I still have the image in my mind of the little woman, about my age, who married a classmate from many years before that she had reconnected to at a high school reunion. She had a heart attack on the honeymoon and he was at the desk getting her prescription. She did not know he was right behind her when she whispered to me loudly "It is not the same." I felt sorry for him hearing this. Of course it is not the same, it never will be, but in some cases the ghosts of the departed fit in very well with the new mate. If you are open to it, it can happen. I have seen it happen. I am too old to have any desire for it happening, and I do miss Billy, but no one could follow him as a second act in this stage of life we live.

Dee, actually I have never heard that one. I do know Billy got starved for conversations with men and "He could talk a dog off a meat wagon" also. Our neighbor walked his little Yorkie twice a day, but he had Parkinson's and we knew it could not keep up, but he and Billy both could get into conversations that were so lengthy. We would see him in one of the little $ stores in town and he and Billy would talk and talk. Billy left me in October after 54 years. Bob (this was our neighbor's name), he stumbled and fell on a fire place poker on Christmas day. I like to imagine Billy and Bob are having their never ending conversations together again. I only knew Billy 55 years but Bob and Carolyn (our neighbors) had been high school sweethearts throughout their school years in this small town. I visited her one time. My grief and her grief actually was too fresh to help each other. I have not seen her in nearly three years now. I have to go up there for the closing on our house the first week in October and I feel someone should offer me a "last meal" before I make that visit again to death. "Please Mr. Custer, I don't want to go."

Gwen, don't you have a physical therapist? If not, why? I talked to Amazon about keeping all Billy's books on my Kindle and why I wanted to keep them and she sent me the sweetest note. Billy had at least three people checking on him sometimes twice a week. I wonder if maybe you might be too young. I cannot act like I know these things because I am dumb as dirt, dumber. At least dirt grows things.

I feel it is too much personal information, but when my colon ruptured, I have outlived the horrendous byproducts of this four and one-half years. But, I have not outlived the results that it did to my body. Sometimes it will make me shake so bad, all over, I cannot go outside at all. I take a Xanax to stop some of the shaking, but I am not really having an anxiety attack, I am having a "body" attack. It happens at least once a day. My family finds it funny, the wall in front of my commode has all kinds of crosses, angels, and other paraphernalia that I just stare at during these (too much information) attacks. My sister wants me to go back to the doctor, so much has been discovered in those 4-1/2 years but I don't want to put this old body through the trials and tribulations I had to go through. I have people with me Gwen, so my heart goes out to you. In my case though, all those people that are with me have more things wrong with them than I do, so I am usually the one that has to be strong. I don't mind, just hope I can stay strong. And I hope you and my other friends that go through so much more than I do, I pray you can stay strong also. And sometimes I know the answer is "who the hell cares if I am strong or not." We, the invisible, we care.

Cookie, next month will be three years. He has not left me, I somehow feel he is around. As long as there are clouds, I talk to Billy. But........if it hurts me, I don't do it.

Kori, right after Billy passed (within days) I had my granddaughter and family move in with me. They were fussing so much I loaded up my car (truck) and left, no excuses except to let them both know they would not know how much they had lost "until it was written in stone." Grand-son-in-law hugged me and said "I'm so sorry we dishonored your house." My granddaughter is like most women in my family, have tempers. I left Billy so many times that 3rd month of marriage until about the 5th time, he did not come out on the steps and beg me to come back. That was the last time I left. We fussed a lot. You have to determine is it what you want, if it is worth fighting for and if it isn't , quit sitting on the steps and save yourself.

My father-in-law sounded like a sawmill. Billy never did, but my son, while he was on chemotherapy, if I could hear him snoring I always knew he was alive and we had a lot of close calls.. I am going to print out what y'all said. He is into the oils, etc. I have an oil diffuser and had the door closed with it on one night and was terribly congested the next day so I put it up in my kitchen closet. He has a raw nose sometimes and will have him try those oils. I bought him an air purifier because his apartment is not well vented. He has a new CPAP that just fits under his nose, I believe. He does have sleep apnea, so know at his age it is very important to use one. Thanks guys.

Cookie, you have a bunch of beautiful little towns around you. I was not in your predicament, Billy was no house builder or real lover of houses. He liked RV's and tents. So did I. Never was attached to anything but a Holiday Rambler RV and I cried when we traded it in on a house trailer. But, I traveled the internet around where you live and it is beautiful. It was so beautiful where we lived. It was a paradise, but I could not stay there, the quiet was too loud. Very glad you are safe.

Kori, on my DNA profile I am mostly Irish. No big surprise, red hair, freckles. When Billy and I fussed, Daddy always asked me what had I done. (He knew me). He was wrong a lot of times though. Not the support we expect. I'm sorry. Husbands sometimes are wrong also and if it had become physical, your dad would have jumped right in. Your dad is probably still in shock and might not even remember it happening. I forgot so much soon afterwards.

It gave me 1% of the middle of Africa including Congo and Southern Bantu. My sister changed to no African at all. Took away about 7% Iberian Peninsula for both of us. Her's has been finished for about a year. Mine about a month. I'm waiting for a percentage of Antarctica. It said because science is changing all the time. I think it is a waste of money. Either get it right the first time or don't do it. They have competition from other companies. Ancestry.com is not the only one now.

Katie-girl, there is nothing anyone can say to take the weight of all your grief off of you. I wonder sometimes how an accident will take nine members of a family away and leave only one. I have lots of questions I will never have answers to any of them. I do not know why so much is put on one little woman's shoulders. I do know all you have lost and I know you have two others that are depending on you. Finding the strength to live is so hard for so many of us. I was coming off drugs (legal prescription) and cut a major artery and was put in the hospital on the psych ward. Medicine helped me for awhile but the thing that saved my life was getting cancer and really having to fight for my life. None of that helps you and some of you have no one at all to help you. My aggravation, my life, is my family that is left, but I am an old woman and you are such a young woman. We cannot help you with words but if you could meet your cheerleaders on this forum, you would know how much we care for you. One thing I will tell you. I am glad when I cut my wrists that they saved me to be this old woman I am now. My heart Katie-girl.

If I need a new commode, I just tell them. I am not physically able to install or carry one. Just one example. My mom wanted to "own" but I am only passing by, I'm not gonna stay long, and I own no fur babies.

Moving to an apartment was one of the smartest things I have ever done, especially done alone. I don't worry about any of the upkeep and I don't feel like I'm throwing my money away, how long do I have anyhow..................just me.

I know it is very controversial, but the first time I really laughed after Billy left was "Grace and Frankie" and it is so absurd it is funny (to me). Last season their kids had put them in assisted living because they were "living" their own lives. I don't think the new series will come out till 2019, and I usually finish the whole thing at once. Honestly, it felt good to laugh. I know people don't like Jane Fonda, and I understand, but she is not playing "Hanoi Jane, " she is playing a character that made me laugh. They both have all our ailments and some of our problems that are not funny to us, but they make them funny. Helped me anyhow. But, I am different.

There are places besides Ancestry.com to get your DNA done. Was surprised to learn they change things up in later emails. My belief in DNA has changed if they do not get it right the first time. I cannot deny my Irish/Viking history but what is wrong is they change it after you get it. I don't understand it. DNA is enough to get a rapist put in prison, but not good enough for the percentages of your heritage to change drastically in a month or so. Either it is, or it isn't. My sister and I both lost the Iberian Peninsula heritage, which did not bother me because I had never heard of that part of geography anyhow. Get it right, or leave it alone, and quit charging to do it. I've lost my belief in it. Kieron: 💗💝💗

When it hits the Gulf, we get fragments over 300 miles away.

Not sure but I think Cookie lives close to the Nantahala (sp?) National Forest and think it is pretty far inland. I think I read something about mudslides. Cookie, if you are reading this, you must live in a most beautiful place. I checked your profile and I believe it is probably one of the most beautiful parts of the USA. Let us hear from you if you keep electricity.

I thought I understood Cookie to say she lived in the mountains of NC, but I think the people without electricity were in the six number of thousands. When Scott told me about Scooter and no one found him for three days, it reminded me of the Tom T. Hall song about old dogs, children and watermelon wine. Anyhow, it made up my son's mind to move back "home." Last night he visited an old girlfriend he had known as a friend for over 20 years. She had told him when she had been 21 she was gonna ask him to marry her, which really surprised him. We grieve our losses, he still is so hurt about his dad, (always my kids favorite, and I didn't mind, he was my favorite person too.). Reminded me looking up at the beautiful cloud banks rolling in from the East Coast storm, how much we all lose.

I put all my mini-rants, big rants, epiphanies, word salads here, if I can remember. I went to one cancer survivor group meeting. Left in the middle. About three meetings at the Baptist Church for survivors of grief, I had forgot that people who had lost children would be there. I left each time because of the loss of children. Losing my other half was impossibly horrible but the loss of a child, please God, let me go first, that is all I can ask. Anyhow, you have joined a group who all have obtained our PhD in Griefology and we all understand rants. And approve of them. Just sorry you were exposed to that part of life.

My son is down here, home, until he moves soon. He has to go up and work security at his apartment building until he finds another place down here, "home.". He is on VA Disability and was in the submarines. Last week, the man he relieved on duty, they sat and talked. This guy was about 10 years older than him but they sat and talked a few hours. Planned on going to one of the little pubs around there and Scott was going to buy Scooter a beer and himself a coke. (Scott has had hep-C) and he knows after all the treatments he can never have a drink, as his younger days nearly destroyed his liver. But, he did not hear from Scooter. They discovered him deceased, had been so for about three days. My family and I keep up with each other every day, at least once, sometimes more. No matter where we are. I remember one time before cell phones we were one day late coming back from vacation and my daughter had state police watching for our truck. My total life aggravations have become blessings as I get older. I know I gripe about some of my responsibilities, but sometimes angels come in different disguises. You know Billy Graham wrote a book "Angels: Finding Assurance That We are not Alone". Personally, my own Christian feelings (and I am so unworthy to call myself thus), still have their magic and mysticism. Billy Graham was no dummy. On the lighter side, did my DNA and knew I could not reach for Native American, like I wanted. I am Irish and Scandinavian enough to have started reading the book series on Octavia Randolph's Ceridwen series from the 800's and 900's. So far there are six books, I am on number four. Interesting reading where and how our ancestors lived. Also has finally lifted my imaginative part of my brain that I thought Billy took with him. I think he gave it back to me, and yesterday we had the rolling clouds of the beginnings of the hurricanes that were drifting angrily over Louisiana. I know that Cookie is in the mountains of NC, so "Cookie, stay safe" and maybe George is over that way also. All of you others on the Eastern Seaboards, please stay safe my friends.

Katie-girl, at first I cried so hard I would lose my breath and after awhile I got a feeling I could just let go and not breathe period, it was not so hard, it did not hurt, but my granddaughter depended on me, so did my sister helping take care of my mother, so did my son and daughter and Billy's words "the one left must stay" brought me back from that feeling that I could just let go. I could not let go. It was not my time. You have so much depending on you. It is not going to be easy. Nothing worth it is ever easy. Your in my heart Katie.

Love that red. My only other choice in color was waterbug black. I love black, our truck was black, but my little Toyota Yaris in black looked like it needed waterbug wings, so I chose silver (only other choice), but love red.

I don't know about wisdom Kay, sometimes if I had had wisdom I would not have done some of the things I had so much fun doing..........way back when. But you mentioned it came from years of experience and I guess I cannot deny that.