Lisa H. Posted November 22, 2016 Report Share Posted November 22, 2016 John passed away on November 7, lost my job November 9, had food poisoning for five days. Enough already! We have two boys 17 and 14. I'm my paraplegic sister's caretaker. He looked after his mother. Now that is on my plate as well. How do you keep putting one foot in front of the other to do what needs done? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted November 22, 2016 Report Share Posted November 22, 2016 Clearly you cannot bear all these burdens all by yourself, Lisa. I can point you to some caregiving resources that I hope you will investigate, but I also hope that you have someone in your circle who can offer you some support as well. See Caregiving in Serious Illness: Suggested Resources, including the Additional Articles and Resources listed at the base of the post. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted November 22, 2016 Report Share Posted November 22, 2016 Lisa, So sorry to hear about the loss of your John. You are overwhelmed with all your responsibilities. I hope you have some help and some caring people to help you. Please take Marty's suggestions and get the help you sorely need. Feel free to share your story when you are able. Lots of great people hear who care. My husband Al died 13 months ago and it is a hard road. Gin 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted November 22, 2016 Report Share Posted November 22, 2016 I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in January and I feel like it was a lifetime ago at some times and at other times it is like it was yesterday. Welcome to a place of safety and understanding. You can come here and find others, who have been where you are, who will offer you encouragement and will listen with compassionate ears. You have a lot on your plate right now and I hope you will find help with all of it very soon. Marita 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdownes Posted November 22, 2016 Report Share Posted November 22, 2016 Hello Lisa, I wish I could say welcome without having a heavy heart for what brought you here I would not wish this on anyone, I lost my husband of 26 years in May, it has been a hard road, I feel for you having so much on your plate try and look into some help grief takes alot out of you emotionally and physically, I have a seventeen year old son two it has affected him deeply, I have seven children but he is my baby, I have a disabled daughter who is 22 she has cerebal palsy so to a degree I understand having stuff on your plate it is not easy, we all are trying to find our way everyday is a challenge, I can't tell you how to keep pushing forward for me it is my Kevin's unconditionally love that keeps my going even on the hardest days when I just want to rip out my heart to stop the pain, but to be able to move forward toward some sense of hope and peace we need to feel the pain, I know he would want to me to keep going, for him,for me, for our family, take it slow day by day moment by moment you are never alone once again I am sorry you had to join this community but glad you found us hugs. Robin 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa H. Posted November 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2016 What happened: At 45, John died suddenly, he was out setting up a deer hunting stand with his friend, he complained of heartburn and his arms hurting, they headed back to town. Then his arms went numb, and then he collapsed. Within a few minutes they were at our house we got him on the ground and I started CPR. EMTs, medics, DR at ER did everything and he was gone. My husband, best friend, father of my boys was gone. I have already asked for a VA psych consultation waiting to hear from them. A friend sent me the seasons of grief book and I am reading it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdownes Posted November 22, 2016 Report Share Posted November 22, 2016 Lisa thank you for sharing your story with us, everyone did their best for John unfortunately sometimes even our best still can't save them, it is so hard to lose your best friend try and remember the love and the happy times though I know that is easier said than done right now when Kevin first passed all I could do was think of the lose and it was/is hard, I can remember the love more now and every once in a it will bring a smile to my face though sometimes far an in-between , my husband passed away on my living room floor. I hope that the book is able to help you in finding your way and helps you know what is normal in grief alot of the emotions at first can make you feel like you are losing it, I hope that they call you back soon for an appointment, I have chosen not to seek counseling I am just dealing on my own but that is my personal choice, this place has been a true blessing full of caring people who truly " get it" they are now a part of my family, try and take it easy hugs. Robin 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finch Posted November 22, 2016 Report Share Posted November 22, 2016 Hi Lisa. This place has been a source of sanctuary, to be able to interact with others who can relate, even if our stories are very personal and feel hopeless at times. I'm so sorry about John. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zeeks Posted November 22, 2016 Report Share Posted November 22, 2016 From one to another...you just do. Watching my grandaughters I just do. They lost their mother in 2004, my husband their papa in 2006, we raised them from birth so he was their daddy. He had countless ailments. ..too many to begin to say. I am or suffer from extreme anxiety and so "normal" life not the norm as to other kids. I had healthb issues back issues for 6 months or longer after papas death. My younger granddaughter moved to her other grandma's out of town last July. She has multiple mental health issues but is starting to somewhat stableize. The older one deals with all this plus.... her aunt , her papas sister near death 60 pounds and bones like blown glass has been hospices for 6 months or so...should have been earlier but bad as she was caregave for my now deceased father in law. PSTD has nothing on my oldest life.... How do we go on? We just do... if she can I can.... God Himself gives us the way! We live on a non existent fixed income. So normal things in her age bracket now are so out of reach. To her credit her phone and security in small treasures like gum etc keep her happy. She is an AMAZING young lady now, 16 as of December 27. God provides the stregth we need to keep moving 1 foot in front of the other. Her father my son has substance abuse issues and the mobilehome we had is gone...had to give it away to keep a semblance of peace between my son and us. So gave it away to the mobilehome park. It was all we had from my husband's death. Yet we continue on..... We just do... Never quit praying Never lose faith in God and what He can do Zeeks 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted November 22, 2016 Report Share Posted November 22, 2016 Lisa, I am so sorry for your loss. There is no easy answer to your question. I lost my husband in May 2013 and my daughter in June 2014, both to cancer.. My world is changed forever. This is one of the most devastating journeys that you will make in your lifetime and we will walk beside you. Perhaps we must each think of ourselves as "the little engine that could". It is a means of survival. Karen 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 22, 2016 Report Share Posted November 22, 2016 Lisa, Welcome here...I am sorry for the loss of your husband. That in itself is enough to send any/all of us reeling! But to get hit with losing your job, food poisoning, and additional responsibilities all while grieving and being their for your kids, that is a lot to deal with. I hope you get some help and Marty's link/suggestions are of help to you in finding where to get it. It could be someone would have to be hired to help care for the others. Grief is a pretty consuming thing in and of itself. I lost my job after my husband died, but not as soon as you did, it's hard. I hope you're able to get unemployment. I remember one interview I had, the lady had also lost her husband and talked with me about it. (She wanted to hire me but someone else made the final decision. At least I made it to the third round of interviews, which was encouraging). I can't tell you HOW you'll get through this, but you WILL. I look back and can't believe so much time has passed, when I didn't see how I could even live through it. Remember to take time for YOU, in all this. I used to drive out in the woods and scream! It's okay to cry and there are no "shoulds" on this journey. There is only one way, and that is OUR WAY. (((hugs))) And as Karen said, we will walk this journey with you if you want us to. Kay 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted November 22, 2016 Report Share Posted November 22, 2016 Lisa, you are in a good place. We cannot reach you physically, but mentally there has always been help. You have your hands full, you have family, you have responsibilities, and then when mental issues enter you have to deal with that also. It is said God never gives us more than we can handle. Sometimes I wish he did not trust me so much though. Lots of people do not talk about the religious part of some of our lives, but in my case, it might be standing 100 miles away from me, but I know it is there somewhere and sometimes it helps to lean on it, sometimes it does not. Hospice worker for my mom gave me a hospice book that surprised me. First chapter was involved with our anger with God. I can say anger is part of our life now, but so is helplessness, fear, anxiety and so many more emotions. But, if you have a feeling you cannot handle, come on here, we all have feelings we cannot handle at times. I am fixing to write on another post, we have bad days and we have numb days, and we have mindless days. Those are the days I enjoy the most. But we get slapped around by lots of feelings when all we want is peace and a small slice of happiness. That slice is so hard to find. But we are still alive, and there are those we have to stay that way for. You were hit young. I am so sorry. Keep reading. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted November 22, 2016 Report Share Posted November 22, 2016 Lisa, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved wife Tammy last March 6th. She also died suddenly and was 45, same as your husband John. She was my best friend, my soul mate and my whole world. Honestly, early on in my grief (like you are now), I didn't think I could make it; didn't think a life without Tammy was worth living. But, somehow, some way you survive. It's not the life you wanted but it's the only life you have and life is precious. You asked how you "keep one foot in front of the other?". Truthfully that's all you can do. Sure there will be days you stumble and take a few steps back but ultimately all you can do is the best you can do at any given moment. There's no timetable in grief and certainly no rule book. Don't ever feel like you "have to do something" because someone told you so. This is your journey and you will do it your way. This forum is a wonderful resource for those of us in grief. There is much to learn from members here through their own gut wrenching experiences. Post here as you feel the need. Believe me, getting a response from someone who can empathize with you is a huge help. For now, just take it a moment at a time. Do the basics like eating well and getting good sleep as you can. My heart goes out to you in this very difficult time. Mitch 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted November 29, 2016 Report Share Posted November 29, 2016 Lisa, very sorry for your tragic loss :-/.. Your plate is very full...I hope you are able to find some help. Time and love seem to be the pathway and everyone has their own journey and timing. We are here ... Prayers, Marie 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now