Questions??

[Gwenivere]

5 hours ago, mittam99 said:

So, I wonder, is this grief life even harder for those who were dealing with pre-existing emotional angst before their loved one died.

It does indeed increase the intensity and frequency of anxiety and panic.  We are already chemically altered to have fear when then is no danger.  Fight or flight response.  It's the most horrible thing I have ever felt, so out of control.  I used to get so mad when people would say 'everyone gets nervous'.   This is drastically different.  It's as hard to explain as is the grief we are going thru to someone who has not experienced it.

it sounds to me like you did have an anxiety attack at the bank.  Wanting to flee to safety.  What we learn in therapy is that fear lives in us and goes where we go.  Tho there have been many times I have had to leave places because it reduced the intensity not trying to interact with someone/thing.

anticipatoty anxiety is another hallmark.  Not just being nervous but attacks at the thought of doing something.  And it's not something you can talk yourself out if rationally because it is physical.  

[Gwenivere]

The word I was looking for is terror.  Panic is out and out terror.

[Gwenivere]

Disorders like GAD, depression, Panic and PTSD are not Christian based.  I hope it doesn't dissuade people that need medical treatment from getting it.  I do hope it helps people with the 'normal' anxiety grief creates.

6 hours ago, kayc said:

And here's a free webinar Marty listed in tools for healing, webinars section, to help with anxiety:
https://my.demio.com/ref/4C6tOUT8I2EeSuAU

 

[Margm]

Oh, I don't know, I think I have had a little PTSD from my Christian faith from beating myself up with guilt.  But that was "me" situated, not a normal everyday, living their faith Christian.  Kinda like a backsliding Baptist.  

[MartyT]

I hope you won't let Peggy's tongue-in-cheek title ("If I Love Jesus Why Do I Need Xanax?") dissuade you from registering for her webinar. I promise you: She is a wonderful teacher, a terrific speaker, and certainly not one to proselytize her religious beliefs.

[Widowedbysuicide]

My experience has been that the panic attacks and anxiety have intensified since Gord died.  He was my knight in shining coveralls who always said or did the right things to help stabilize me.  My Paxil is up to 60 mg. from 40 mg. the Welbutrin has stayed the same and I have been using the Ativan more often.  The Ativan helps with the increased severity and frequency of the anxiety since trying to manage everything on my own.

I have been on the 60 mg. of Paxil in the past and then reduced it down to 20 mg. but most of the time I take 40 mg.  I am also doing the work to try to manage my panic and anxiety.  It's hard work doing that and trying to get through each day of my grief.  I just am doing the best I can for myself with the tools and help that I have.  

[Gwenivere]

Marita, I actually went years with panic attacks while I was taking care of Steve.  I was also at my lowest doses of my med doses.   When he died I felt like I went back to when I first got the panic disorder.  Now I have attacks, anticipatory anxiety and have increased my mess a lot.  It's still not enough and I'm stubborn and angry about it.  It's an issue I'm now working with my counselor about since it's been so long I've felt so out of control and at the mercy of it.  I don't know about you but the stress of the anxiety has also created other physical problems I never had.  I'm so sick of feeling sick or afraid.  It's a terrible combo.  I hope you find a way to regain some balance again.  That is my daily struggle too.  I dread waking up because of it.  One new thing I never had was anxietyin my sleep so escape is really tough.  Hugs to you.

[Cookie]

Marita and Gwen:  The anxiety thing is a tough one.  I started having terrible attacks a few months after John died and would wake up in the morning with them.  Now, I wake up with terrible foreboding, not the crawling out of my skin thing, but all in all, it's still there on some level and it's been 18 months.  I despair of ever being free of this feeling.  I take Ativan at times, try not to, but I've started having a glass of wine every night, where I used to just drink 1 glass of wine maybe twice a week.  You've got to have some comfort, if only for a little while.  I am trying everything.  I exercise, do yoga, am restarting meditation; I go out.  Don't know.  It's like a critter that has a hold of you and won't let go.  Wish someone had the answer to this one.  Hugs to you both....

[Cookie]

14 hours ago, MartyT said:

I hope you won't let Peggy's tongue-in-cheek title ("If I Love Jesus Why Do I Need Xanax?") dissuade you from registering for her webinar. I promise you: She is a wonderful teacher, a terrific speaker, and certainly not one to proselytize her religious beliefs.

Marty:  Will this help if you're not a Christian, or is it directed mainly to believers? 

[MartyT]

I have put your (very valid) question to Peggy Haymes, Cookie, and I am awaiting her response.  ♥

[MartyT]

From: peggy@peggyhaymes.com
To: TOUSLEYM@aol.com
Sent: 1/9/2017 9:56:09 A.M. Eastern Standard Time
Subj: Re: Questions??

 

Here's the answer you can share:

 

I will touch on religious beliefs simply because that for many Christians, their faith only compounds their anxiety instead of reducing it (I must be a bad person/not have enough faith if I am anxious.) I want to address that faulty belief.

 

However, the bulk of the webinar wii be useful to you no matter what you believe  - or if you have no belief at all. It focuses on how our brains nurture anxiety and tools for dealing with it.

 

 

I hope this helps. I so appreciate you putting a good word out there.

 

Peggy

 

On Sun, Jan 8, 2017 at 12:56 PM, <TOUSLEYM@aol.com> wrote:

Hi Peggy,

 

Via my GH Discussion Groups site, I've strongly encouraged my members to sign up for your upcoming webinar on anxiety. The title is causing some to wonder if your presentation will have a religious slant (see comment below). Can you give me something I can say to my members that will reassure them about this?

 

Thank you!

[Margm]

35 minutes ago, MartyT said:

for many Christians, their faith only compounds their anxiety instead of reducing it

This is so true.

[Gwenivere]

On 1/8/2017 at 9:47 AM, Cookie said:

Marita and Gwen:  The anxiety thing is a tough one.  I started having terrible attacks a few months after John died and would wake up in the morning with them.  Now, I wake up with terrible foreboding, not the crawling out of my skin thing, but all in all, it's still there on some level and it's been 18 months.  I despair of ever being free of this feeling.  I take Ativan at times, try not to, but I've started having a glass of wine every night, where I used to just drink 1 glass of wine maybe twice a week.  You've got to have some comfort, if only for a little while.  I am trying everything.  I exercise, do yoga, am restarting meditation; I go out.  Don't know.  It's like a critter that has a hold of you and won't let go.  Wish someone had the answer to this one.  Hugs to you both....

I can tell you one thing I truly miss.  I always have a glass of wine or two before bed.  Have for decades.  What I really miss now is going to sleep in contentment.  There have been problem that have had to be faced the next day, but I knew we would together.  Now I know that I will be alone to muddle thru not only the loneliness and grief, but I'm on my own with every big and little thing that needs attention.  Yah, it's part of bing a grownup, I know.  I can even accept that most of the time.  I just wish I could go to bed feeling appreciation for the down time and knowing I wouldn't feel so ovehelmed in the morning.  Now I wake with racing thoughts every day.  Grief just keeps on giving.  Day after day after day.  I don't remember what I felt like to wake up refreshed or relaxed.

[scba]

27 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

I .  I don't remember what I felt like to wake up refreshed or relaxed.

Me too. I don't remember when was the last time I felt happy or excited or woken up with a smile.

I booked a trip. People asked: are you happy? Are you excited? Answer: I don't. I feel numb, it is fine, I hope I will be fine, I think I had to book a holiday because it was a normal thing to do. But I'm not "thrilled".

Is it a bad attitude? I'm all the time thinking that I should feel different about other normal stuff. Am I damaged? For ever? 

Just thoughts....

[Margm]

The emotion we are all lacking is ............enthusiasm.  

[scba]

Agree.

[scba]

Where do I buy some? 

[Gin]

Ana and Marge,

Save some for me!

[Margm]

Girls, I used to manufacture it, but someone took it with him.  

[Gin]

Marge,

I think my someone took a lot with him, also.

[Gwenivere]

I've checked Amazon and any other facility and found none to buy.  We'll have to rely on time, each other and Resources Marty has supplied.  I think it's going to be a hard find because as has been said, so much went with them.  Looking ahead I don't see much to be enthusiastic about.  I'll settle for just a tad more contentment if possible.

[Margm]

Used to buying a new car was fun.  I just let this little puppy follow me home and he gets a bunch of miles a gallon and I think Billy would have liked it for me.  He knew how I liked the tiny clown cars and he liked Toyota, but there was no real excitement.  There has to be excitement.  I get scared, I get tired, I get depressed (have done this all my life), and I get terribly sad when a friend loses a husband or wife (and as my friend Hettie told me "Margaret, we are getting the age we lose our friends."  I lost a good friend when he was only 17.  I am losing them faster now.  I just want enough time to get this granddaughter started in her life.  That is not "enthused" though, that is a rough, ghostly determination.  

[Cookie]

On ‎01‎/‎09‎/‎2017 at 4:33 PM, Gwenivere said:

I can tell you one thing I truly miss.  I always have a glass of wine or two before bed.  Have for decades.  What I really miss now is going to sleep in contentment.  There have been problem that have had to be faced the next day, but I knew we would together.  Now I know that I will be alone to muddle thru not only the loneliness and grief, but I'm on my own with every big and little thing that needs attention.  Yah, it's part of bing a grownup, I know.  I can even accept that most of the time.  I just wish I could go to bed feeling appreciation for the down time and knowing I wouldn't feel so ovehelmed in the morning.  Now I wake with racing thoughts every day.  Grief just keeps on giving.  Day after day after day.  I don't remember what I felt like to wake up refreshed or relaxed.

Oh, I can so relate to what you said.  That is it exactly...missing the contentment going to bed and waking up.  I, too, wake up with racing thoughts and those feelings of foreboding that I know are related to not having my partner anymore.  It's not about being adult.  I am an adult and I know you are too.  We just got our safety and connection torn out of our lives and it leaves you feeling unstable.  That's the only way I can put it.  I am hoping (against hope) that one day I will feel centered again.  Haven't figured out how to get there yet; too busy wrestling with the feelings that this creates.  I can remember what it felt like to go to bed content and wake up refreshed and that is the problem....I miss it so terribly and it was so irrevocably connected to having John here.  I know that.  Don't know if I will ever get back to that or how and it hurts...hugs to you, Cookie

[Cookie]

On ‎01‎/‎09‎/‎2017 at 5:05 PM, scba said:

Me too. I don't remember when was the last time I felt happy or excited or woken up with a smile.

I booked a trip. People asked: are you happy? Are you excited? Answer: I don't. I feel numb, it is fine, I hope I will be fine, I think I had to book a holiday because it was a normal thing to do. But I'm not "thrilled".

Is it a bad attitude? I'm all the time thinking that I should feel different about other normal stuff. Am I damaged? For ever? 

Just thoughts....

No, it's a normal hurt attitude...I suspect we all are familiar with it.  It sucks.....Cookie

[Cookie]

On ‎01‎/‎09‎/‎2017 at 10:13 AM, MartyT said:

From: peggy@peggyhaymes.com
To: TOUSLEYM@aol.com
Sent: 1/9/2017 9:56:09 A.M. Eastern Standard Time
Subj: Re: Questions??

 

Here's the answer you can share:

 

I will touch on religious beliefs simply because that for many Christians, their faith only compounds their anxiety instead of reducing it (I must be a bad person/not have enough faith if I am anxious.) I want to address that faulty belief.

 

However, the bulk of the webinar wii be useful to you no matter what you believe  - or if you have no belief at all. It focuses on how our brains nurture anxiety and tools for dealing with it.

 

 

I hope this helps. I so appreciate you putting a good word out there.

 

Peggy

 

On Sun, Jan 8, 2017 at 12:56 PM, <TOUSLEYM@aol.com> wrote:

Hi Peggy,

 

Via my GH Discussion Groups site, I've strongly encouraged my members to sign up for your upcoming webinar on anxiety. The title is causing some to wonder if your presentation will have a religious slant (see comment below). Can you give me something I can say to my members that will reassure them about this?

 

Thank you!

Thank you Marty.  I am signed up....