My Sanity Needed Vents

[Kieron]

1 hour ago, Marg M said:

I don't know how they ever found the little teats on those almonds. 

😂  Oh Marg. 

[KarenK]

Okay Marg, I am completely lost here. What is a "Costco Karen" and where did you see it?

[Margm]

I'm taking the whole thing down.  Do not think they should use names as memes.  I'm sure by now y'all have googled it.  I read the reasons they use some names as memes.  I have a lot of friends with all the names and they are human people not jokes.  None of them.  

 

[Gwenivere]

I’m going to have to Google this as the things some people do are often stranger than fiction.  

[Margm]

Same as above.  Do not think they should use people's names as memes.  They have John Doe and Jane Doe they can use instead of proper names as memes.  It really is a form of poly-ticks and man's inhumanity to man.  

[KarenK]

Okay, I googled it and you have given me my laugh for the day, Marg! It seems "Karen" is the moniker attached to many chain store dissatisfied middle aged women who complain to the manager. Now....I always speak to the manager if I am not in agreement about something, but I surely wouldn't throw a tantrum or sit on the dirty floor. Besides, even if the floor were clean, I'd never be able to get up again.  Lol

[Margm]

This woman would not let them help her up..  She got up on her own.  I knew that would not have been me.  Nah, I think I could have got up but it wouldn't be pretty.  I still think they are silly memes..  

[Gwenivere]

I wouldn’t have been able to get up.  I’m not the tantrum type, but I can be very sarcastic.  But years of experience taught me the old saying of attracting more flies with honey works much better.  Sometimes it’s a challenge.  So, shop at Costco much, Karen?  😁

[kayc]

I saw it on the news, quite a tantrum, what a sight!  I'm not into making a spectacle of myself like that!  I suppose if she was younger she'd be one of the rioter/protesters.

[Gwenivere]

Another weekend gone with lots of time to feel the loneliness.  I was right I was going to pay for all the stress of last week.  Much too many physical challenges making doing even more simple things harder.  Always on edge about Ally.  Need a mobile vet out to tend to her paw and an acquaintance said I should get a blood test for her to see if there is anything else wrong beyond her hips and kidneys.  Not necessarily for any extreme treatment, but to be educated in case an emergency arises so I don’t wait too long and possibly have her end up in pain.to make the worst call ever.  I can hardly type it.  😢

I was reading an article in Time about how masks are affecting how we interact with people as smiles are something that signals so many things.  I had already been feeling that for a long time.  It’s beyond not knowing what people look like, it’s what we say without words.  Wether we are genuinely happy, being polite or being snide.  It’s bad enough we have lost touching, now this.  I hope the link works.

https://time.com/5840192/mask-smiling-coronavirus/

today a new alarm monitoring company comes by to make sure everything works.  I know it does.  I never arm it anymore so am going to ask if the fire and medical emergency works without them.  Seems that should work as a safety requirement in the equipment.  It needs a new back up battery but I don’t know if they do that, tho they sell systems.  I don’t know why I’m bothering.  If the fire and medical work manually, I’ll tell them I don’t need them.  I have the medic alert button I can push for help too.  

It’s getting so hard to even write about the days that repeat and now feel worse.  I got my list done today but it was almost too much effort.  I’m still reeling from all I heard last week about my maladies, yet no solutions or even diagnosis for some test I have been searching for for months.  Finding out I am very high risk for surgery, even if I don’t want it. That is another message triggering missing Steve.  They’d find a way to do it, I’d want to to be with him and functional, no rehab stint or stranger here.  

Yesterday was the first time at the grocery store I felt no interest in anything I needed.  I even left a few things behind as no matter what a good deal they were, that part of me felt dead.  Plus the pain was too intense. I stopped by the church I donate to as they feed anyone without question.  Lots of people from 2 tent cities and homeless. They gave me a meal as always and I felt I actually belonged.  Not to invalidate the people without adequate shelter, but I feel homeless too.  In the crowd there I belonged.  I feel awful saying that as I have a house to come to, but it isn’t a home.  Now I feel the guilt I tell others not to feel in their emotions.  Am I that terrible to even compare myself to these unfortunate people?  (Rhetorical)  I lost the love of my life and family.  Who knows what these people have lost and why.  I felt terrible they gave me food.  I took a bag of essentials but gave them back the toothbrushes right away.  I wanted to return the whole thing after the store but they were gone.  Someone could have used it that didn’t have money for toothpaste and sanitizer.  Why did I take it?  I don’t know what to think about myself right now.  

 

 

[Kieron]

Gwen,

3 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Am I that terrible to even compare myself to these unfortunate people?  (Rhetorical)  I lost the love of my life and family.  Who knows what these people have lost and why.  I felt terrible they gave me food.

From what I know of you, you are (and were while you physically could do so) a very giving person, giving of your time and presence as well as tangible items.  Could you not look at the above as a "return" on your efforts?  I firmly believe what goes around comes around, even if it takes a long time to do so.  Maybe the offers of a meal, companionship, bags of essentials, etc signify the energy (if you want to think of it that way) returning to you.  Or think of it in terms of Newton's Third Law, the conservation of momentum, that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  ☺️

As for masks, I haven't said much about it here but I will say while I see the sense in them from an epidemic standpoint, the fact remains--- they make it hard to hear what people say.  I have some hearing loss and the whole mouth covering thing has been almost tailor-made to make my life one layer harder.  I really do rely heavily on lip-reading.  People already mumble and now it's made worse.  And being unable to read expressions is like a deadening of the senses.  I saw this mask thing coming from miles away and dreaded it becoming widespread, and it is here.  I half-expected that with the coming of masks, I would be more likely to make eye contact, but the opposite is true.  This whole thing is cutting us off from one another.  ☹️

[MartyT]

1 hour ago, Kieron said:

they make it hard to hear what people say.  I have some hearing loss and the whole mouth covering thing has been almost tailor-made to make my life one layer harder. 

I agree! I have the same problem, Kieron. 

[kayc]

I have a hard time hearing with the masks and face shields people wear.  I found myself asking people to repeat themselves during a finance meeting Sunday, they did the same!  Now they say another year of this.  How much do they think we can take of this?

Gwen, don't give it a second thought, they offered, you probably accepted so as not to offend and also, like you said, a sense of belonging somewhere.  I understand you're feeling you don't have a home.  This place is still a home to me although I've been through many phases here, but it's not the same without George here sharing in it, that's for sure.

[Gwenivere]

Thanks, Kieron.and Kay, for turning that around and giving me a different perspective.  I had read it is easier to give than to receive.  I had to learn that where I volunteered as it was easy to bring things to residents to make them happy. I usually turned down inconsequential things and now see I robbed them of the feeling I was getting.  So if someone gave me their jello, pudding, a magaizine I would have no interest in, I took them and could see it made them happy like it does me doing the same.  

Have the security person here checking over the alarm system and all the dinging is driving me crazy.  Took 2 hours of beeping and endless tests.  Now I just have to set up billing.  Batteries are all replaced so hopefully no more beeps for a long time.  He did change my panic button to silent as it would have set off the blaring alarm.  Glad he found that.  That brings a call from them of what my need is.  Now I don’t have to worry about a fire too.  

I got my Medicare stuff in the mail today.  Talk about depressing.  I checked with my insurance and if Medicare says OK, I can keep them as my secondary.  I think that means I don’t have to accept part B.  That will be a call for another day.  Between the alarm company and booking a mobile vet for Wednesday, I need my sanity drive and shower.  Ally left me debris from the deck all over the living room and hallway I just vacuumed in horrid pain.  

I messaged Marty earlier about a new user soliciing interviews privately.   He has posted nothing I can find.  I consider this intrusive and taking advantage of the group.  Did anyone else get private mail from a JWalkerBack?  My concern is for the new people in the early stages that don’t need that kind of intrusion right now.  It’s a survey type thing, not support.

[Kieron]

58 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

 I think that means I don’t have to accept part B.  

Correct, you can decline it if you have a secondary in place, but you do need to get all the facts before declining. I believe if you change your mind, you have to wait until open enrollment-- which could be a long wait.  It's messy and confusing, to be sure!  One resource I've used with clients is this one:

SHIP -- State Health Insurance Assistance Program	Receive personalized health insurance counseling by calling Toll Free: (800) 562-6900

 

[MartyT]

2 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I messaged Marty earlier about a new user soliciing interviews privately.   He has posted nothing I can find.  I consider this intrusive and taking advantage of the group.  Did anyone else get private mail from a JWalkerBlack?  My concern is for the new people in the early stages that don’t need that kind of intrusion right now.  It’s a survey type thing, not support.

Please let me know if anyone else has been contacted by this person, as I've not seen this "survey" and I've no idea what he is asking. I have notified him that he is in violation of our "ground rules" and unless and until I hear from him, he has been banned from our site. 

[Gwenivere]

2 hours ago, Kieron said:

Correct, you can decline it if you have a secondary in place, but you do need to get all the facts before declining. I believe if you change your mind, you have to wait until open enrollment-- which could be a long wait.  It's messy and confusing, to be sure! 

Thanks, Kieron.  When I can take dealing with insurance, I will can SS first and try this place.  I callled my current private insurance to quickly ask them and they said yes, I could keep them.  But they have led me astray before.  I need to have that verified from the source.  The government side.  The last thing I want to do is not be covered as I rack up a lot.  I hope there is a way SS can verify with my current company.  It will be more expensive but I would know all my existing docs would be covered.  I’d hate to add shopping for new ones.  It would also mean not having to go thru that doughnut hole I hear about.  I don’t know how it happens and don’t want to find out.

[Margm]

I got it but I immediately deleted it and in fact, in the process I removed all my past messages too.  Didn't know I could do that.  Don't know if I can do it again.  I just read a tiny bit of it and deleted it.  He was wanting to "interview" people on grief forums.  That was what I got out of it.  I just deleted it.

[Margm]

We will know in two days if Scott has Covid.  He has the fever, lack of smell and taste and the cough.  No trouble breathing yet.  His sister sleeps right across the hall from him and will listen, and then he will take care of her when she gets it or the hospital.  

And I keep getting messages from "friends" about this doctor in Texas who has discovered the cure.  Texas doctor for 29 years.  It is a sniffing steroid.  So, he has the cure.  Tell me why people are not listening.  I dropped two of my forums today because the masks are seen as a gestapo method and we will be living in conservation camps.  This is just a sickness that has been "made up" as a ploy to overthrow the government.  Said in Taiwan they live on top of each other, 20 to apartment 10 to a vehicle and are free of Covid.  It is all in our heads.  We are being, for a good old my word "hoodwinked."  Four nights ago Scott on the midnight shift cleaned a room where one of these imaginary patients had died, body fluids on the floor.  He suited up hazmat, head gear, double masked double clothed, one pair of gloves, jacket on that and another glove pulled on.  The incubation period is 2 to 14 days.  He did everything right.  This virus that is in our imagination managed to get on him.  Scott is working VA so that he can get off military disability.  He went through a long program for this and all the supervisors wanted him on their shifts.  He is bipolar/vampire, so he sleeps better in the daytime and actually this (I thought) would keep him away from patients.  Unfortunately, TB showed up as having been exposed at one time or the other so he was off for two weeks and the only job that was left was nights.  (He loves working nights).  Scott was a DJ in a topless bar for many, many years and actually could go back, but that was where the drugs were.  He prefers this.  And, I cannot tell you how proud of him I am and how proud of him his dad would be/probably is too.  As long as the cough remains, he will stay off any covid floor.  I am so proud of him for being so dependable.  We went through so many bad years, his dad and I, and he never was a bad person, just an addicted one.  (I've been there).  Now later in life he is the man, the dependable one, but we have this imaginary illness out there that has him right now.  When he was taking his hep-C treatments he stayed with us for the year of treatments.  They were very rough.  Depression was bad.  He snores loudly (he has a machine but won't use it), but those loud snores sounded wonderful to me.  

One of my very good friends is a nurse practitioner.  She works with Covid patients.  One of her coworkers didn't even run a fever, just a cough and loss of smell and taste for awhile.  She is back at work.  

I will let you know how it goes.  We have all been exposed.  I'm not afraid except for my kids.  Besides so many believe it is just a conspiracy.  (That is just so stupid).

[MartyT]

6 hours ago, Marg M said:

I will let you know how it goes. 

Yes, Marg, please do keep us posted ~ and we're sending healing and hopeful thoughts to your son ♥️

[kayc]

15 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Did anyone else get private mail from a JWalkerBack?

I set up an interview with him, Marty posted about it in Living with Loss section.  I contacted him initially (I got his email address from Marty) but he also contacted me privately on my other site and when I told him I was one and the same, he apologized.  I think it best he leaves it as a voluntary thing for people to contact HIM rather than the other way around as that does break the rules both places.  I thought perhaps he had reached out to me because he saw I had so many posts, IDK, this is a survey designed for someone further into their journey, not newer ones.  He is from London and I think 8 hours ahead of my time.  He emailed me a consent form to sign and a list of questions to go over prior to the interview, some which seemed redundant and mostly it doesn't really cover what I would want to say, oh well.  You are right, it would not be appropriate to contact a new griever and I would hope he does not do that!  I will send you a copy of the forms he sent me, Marty.  If you see any reason not to participate, I will cancel.

 

14 hours ago, Kieron said:

Correct, you can decline it if you have a secondary in place, but you do need to get all the facts before declining.

I didn't realize you could decline part B and not have to pay for Medicare premium, but I rely on it as I don't have supplemental insurance.  I knew Part D (Rxs) could be declined but then if you ever change your mind you pay a penalty the rest of your life for it, so I wouldn't recommend doing so in case you ever lose your other coverage or need it.

8 hours ago, Marg M said:

We will know in two days if Scott has Covid.  He has the fever, lack of smell and taste and the cough.

Oh no!  It does sound feasible he may have it with those symptoms, I hope & pray it doesn't get any worse than that, esp. with the breathing!  Praying!!
 

8 hours ago, Marg M said:

so many believe it is just a conspiracy.

I know of people on both sides of the coin and try not to get into it.  It doesn't much matter what people think about it, we're required to wear masks or shields inside public buildings, mandated by our governor.  Compliance required unless your doctor says different.  I bought a face shield as it's easier to breathe in and can see people smile in it, but it still muffles sound.  Will probably still wear the dreaded mask when I go to the grocery store or doctor though, easier than arguing, but it's hardest at the grocery store because I'm in there an hour but at least it's only twice a month.

[MartyT]

16 minutes ago, kayc said:

Marty posted about it in Living with Loss section.  I contacted him initially

That's the way it's supposed to work, Kay. When Josh originally contacted me about his study, here is what I said to him:

On 3 Jul 2020, at 14:53, Marty Tousley <tousleym@aol.com> wrote:
Hello Josh,
If someone wishes to invite participation in a research study, I am willing to let our members know about it, in a post that is aimed at all my members and visitors, in the form of an announcement and an invitation. That way, each individual is free to contact the researcher directly if they so choose. I do not share my members' personal contact information with anyone. 

I subsequently posted Josh's invitation, along with his email address. Unfortunately, by contacting some of our members himself (without their having contacted him first) he has violated our agreement. I've notified him of the violation and he has apologized:

On 14 Jul 2020, at 4:27, Josh Black <joshwblack@gmail.com> wrote:
Marty, Please convey my deepest apologies to the user. Directly contacting people for targeted research is quite common in the UK but I hadn’t considered it as a form of solicitation which is entirely my fault. I’d also like to apologise to you for that. I hope this hasn’t caused too much trouble.

I too apologize to our members for letting this happen, and I have rescinded Josh's membership in our forums.

[Margm]

Marty, it was no problem.  You just "X" out what you don't want.  He didn't alarm me or surprise me, just deleted.  No biggy.  

[kayc]

Yeah, I knew it wouldn't be okay for him to solicit us. 

Thought of here when I saw this:

[Margm]

I really hated to call Scott.  Kelli turns her phone down to where it will move some, (vibrate) but won't ring.  When ever I ask Scott how he is, his answer is "Oh, I'm okay."  So I called him and got "Oh, I'm okay" and he did not sound hoarse.  He said he was sweating, so I guess his fever had topped and was coming down.  This "conspiracy illness" hits people different ways.  And yes, you can get it again.  My nurse friend, her coworker had it, minor fever, no taste or smell, then it was gone and she is cleared and back working.

Yes, I believe there are Angels among us.  Some we call friend.  Some we call teacher.  Some we call by many different names. Some are on this forum.  I asked for help yesterday, I said a prayer, and sometimes mine do not feel like they go further than the ceiling.  Yesterday was a rough day to leave my "necessity."  My kids needed new masks.  They each had a cloth mask.  They are not cheap and they did not have the money.  I get my SS tomorrow and I had enough and gas for my car.  I found the masks, two boxes, so they have 50.  I found three cans/holders of sanitizers.  (They go so fast it is a miracle to find them), I found hand wash, big refillable bottle to refill all the little ones and it said "antibacterial" on it.  A new 12 pack of paper towels and was met at the door.

Do any of you buy the TJ Maxx sacks just because they are pretty?  I buy at least five every time I go in the store.  I love the pictures and they are $1 each.  Well, eventually you get more than you really need, but they will sure hold a lot of groceries. 

Oh, and God listened to me.  I was in the car talking straight to him.  No ceiling between us.  Did not need my "necessity" until it was time.  And I did drive some after dark and I was still okay.  (except my sister fussed).