My Sanity Needed Vents

[Gwenivere]

Here’s the thing.  To put a hospital bed in would mean removing my king bed..  No place to put it and all my media iin the living room.  TV,  VCR, and DVR.  I’m just hoping I can sit in the armchair.  I appreciate sugge#tions, but I’know my house.  Plus, if I #till need a special bed,  then my therapy failed .
 

Very dull day here.  Hardly anyone around.  Went outside but not that enjoyable alone.  Hot in the sun too.  There’s just no getting comfortable here.  And it goes against decades of active than sitting most of the time in bed.  Being the time of year it is, it would be a perfect dog park day.  Always was shpping to do.  I’d be volunteering at Foss for another hour or more.  I can only speak for me, but this loss of Steve has escalated that nothing feels familiar.  I shouldn’t be sitting in a rehab courtyard.  The worst of it is I cant adapt.   I talk this to death with my counselor.  She says I’m so resistant to 
change and she is right.  Not doing things, the fact my partner is gone to experience them with.  So I’ve created rituals I adhere to.  It’s like OCD behavior so I’m not adrift not knowing what to do. I almost do things down to the minute.  It’s been hard, even after all these months, to get to bed and up 2 hours earlier than at home.

Im trying to find the best way to deal with possible complications with Dee and my relationship regarding her romantic feelings  We have talked about it a couple times verbally, but comes up in emails at times like yesterday morning..  i brought it up verbally because I don’t want this to get complicated down the line.   Sometimes she misunderstands as she told me I was the one that’s brought it up, which is true because I don’t want her to have expectations I can’t fulfill.  I just don’t want her hurt in any way.  All close friends love each other.  Ive just never been in this situation before. 

Hoping today is a little better.   It wont be,, but I can at least say it.
 

 

 

 

[kayc]

12 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I’ve created rituals I adhere to.  It’s like OCD behavior so I’m not adrift not knowing what to do. I almost do things down to the minute.  It’s been hard, even after all these months, to get to bed and up 2 hours earlier than at home.

I totally get this, my mom was very scheduled/habitual/regulated/borderline OCD, we take after her.  It actually aided her greatly as she aged!  I too have my schedule that works for me and Kodie, and it's very hard going places that are our of sync with it!  It's why I'm rethinking going on the ladies retreat.  I'd like to be there but to do this for four days/three nights makes me want to panic!  They all sleep different and eat different than I do.  And I'd have Kodie, and it'd be too warm to leave him in the car, not sure how he'd do being left in a strange house, not his home.  And no fence to run and play in!  He might be better off boarded but he's never done that before.  And that seems too long a time to try him out.

12 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Hoping today is a little better.

I hope so too, Gwen.  For once it'd be nice if they brought meds on time, didn't mess up your food order, had an activity you enjoyed, and people would show up to do their jobs.  It seems weekends are more likely to have screw ups.

A king size bed would be hard to move, we put my MIL's hospital bed in the living room and my dad's too.  it wasn't even twin sized as I recall.  I sleep in my reclining loveseat.  I've seen recliners with electric assist, those are great, but it usually means replacing an armchair or something.

[Gwenivere]

I just talked to dietary's new boss a couple days ago and my breakfast was wrong today again.  If I didn’t need protein without so much fat I wouldn’t bother calling.  My nurse was new last night so I was up later getting  meds sorted out.  I always ask for them to come earlier to avoid that.  Would have been so messed up on what she brought.  
 

Went to bingo (won a buck and they had cheese balls) and talked to Nina n Zoom. Tried to call my Foss buddy, but no answer.  Talked to Dee and she recognizes her deeper feelings, but as far as living together, she says are on the same page that we both be comfortable.   Neither wants the other stressed out nor thought we’d find someone else to love period after losing our mates.  She understands we can’t fill those roles for each other.  Just have a deep friendship.  Hopefully we can get on with that in our own ways.  She said she doesn’t see it as a physical relationship either at our ages.  Its way too complicated to describe, but I feel it can work if we table expectations.  
 

Then a long evening to think about this situation more.  Only get a break with Netflix and a fav game app.  Go back to sleep.  Start over again.
 

I really want to visit another resident.  But I just cant do it physically.  Well, I might, but it’s so hard as I would be so distracted by my pain.  I know he’s very sick. All I can find out is the cancer caught with him.  He’s probably out of it on hospice care.  I don’t know why I’d expose-myself to such a reminder except I still care about people I form a bond with.  Those people you’re just drawn to.   I know he held my hand. one day I was very upset.  
 

Just saw a new nurse fort tonight.   Great.  Means probable med probs and possible not getting them on time or early so I can take them right when I want to go to sleep.  I so hate being treated like a child. 

 

 

[scba]

I've never met again someone with the disease my BF had. It is a rare disease and so the chances are very low. Now I wonder what I would do. How I would react. I might look at him/her seeing death coming for them too. I may not be able to give any word of hope. I would hold his/her hand though. But I would feel my own misery and not theirs. It would be about me and not about their own persona. 

Yesterday I cleaned my old laptop. I found a file in which my BF asked for an extension of his sick leave at his internship. He stated that he hoped he would soon be back. He never did. I remember how broken and sad he felt at having to leave his internship and how hard he tried to stick to his training as long as possible. I put this and others in a folder with his name.

I felt like a machine sorting out files and folders here and there. I was very close to break down and throw that laptop to the floor. I didn't. I stick to the task as an accountant. I need that small laptop to work while travelling. I couldn't find a "meaningful meaning".

 

 

[Gwenivere]

I can’t imagine running into any of Steve’s projects.  I hope I never do.  I wouldn’t know what to do with them as they’d probably be related to music and his buddies have all moved on.  How alive others are flowing with the changes with someone.

Took my first walk. Hard to get motivated knowing it would hurt.  Reminded me of life I really want as they are fantasies now that were once realities. I have the TV on which i never did and daytime commercials are meds, Medicare, funerals and cremation. 

 I lay here everyday boring people with these posts.  I don’t know what else to do.  I’m going into my 11th month of non stop pain, almost a year since I’ve seen my dog. 

I had a doctor visit and he is attempting to contact Premera (even tho he already faxed them a letter) that I’m not to be discharged in this condition and he would help me on the opiate withdrawal.   He agrees with the surgeon.  Plus I’m here now and let’s get this going.  Not this nonsense of going home to either get hurt worse or unable to progress with no consistent help.

 I keep getting hit by waves of panic. These are all big problems my brain tries to downplay to avoid panic.  No way around it.  I have no way of knowing how and where I’ll wind up.  That’s a whole life altering event.  It could be temporary til age brings others  or it could be IT.  My vision was going Home and somewhat back to what I had for a few more years.  Just Mel and me doing our thing.  No roommate.  Dee being present as she was. Maybe every other day.  Not antisocial, just on my own.  Not having met all the people as much as i have here.  Part of the clan, people looking for me.  Ive been here too long with too much free time.   Months I may have done more damage.  That’s a big fear.  I think I was walking better in February than I am now.  Then bam.  Cut off.

Then I see the news from Ukraine and wonder how i can write something sounding so selfish.  
 

[kayc]

Posted this yesterday but don't see it today.

I wish you could see the cancer patient in there, if he's cognizant, it'd probably mean a lot to him.  I know you have a caring heart, Gwen, hence all your years volunteering.

Another new nurse, another breakfast screw up, just what I was hoping wouldn't happen.

As soon as I got to sleep last night, Iris called and woke me up, wanting me to get Jazzy out Thurs. when they go to town.  I said Thursday is fine, but Friday I have to go to the doctor and get groceries in town, will be gone for hours while Kodie is in the house (she didn't offer the same for him).  Too warm to take him with me, darn it!

 

[kayc]

20 hours ago, scba said:

Yesterday I cleaned my old laptop. I found a file in which my BF asked for an extension of his sick leave at his internship.

Must have been the day for it, I was looking for something and while doing the search, the PC brought up a file I wrote letters to George...2 1/2 months into this loss.  It hit, you know?  All the thoughts/emotions with it...

My ears have been plugged for three weeks, no matter how high I turn up the t.v., I can't hear, can't hear people when they talk either.  Will have to schedule an appt. with the doctor, always takes at least two weeks to get in.  Annoying!

No, Gwen, that's not selfish and your concerns are as real as there's.  What we face every day, deal with, it's very real.  Comparisons don't help.  It's too hard for me to watch the news, I wish they could all turn it off as easy as a switch, but they can't, it's their terrifying reality, just as yours is.  I hope your doctor gets somewhere with Premera.

[Gwenivere]

6 hours ago, kayc said:

PC brought up a file I wrote letters to George...2 1/2 months into this loss.  It hit, you know?  All the thoughts/emotions with it...

I’m so sorry that blindsided you.  Mine is always right there and I know I can step into it so easily.  Often I can’t avoid it.  This is one of those times.  Time just seems to buy a little control over being at the mercy of those hits.  I’m sitting here and someone came in wanting my POA.  It would take Dee forever to find and then have to fax it.  I’ll do another here.  Brings up wills, death and legal stuff stirring up my emotions.   Had no plans of thinking of that today.  They just called for my June payment, went up more.  Never a day without bad news.  Had my shower today and it showed me again how helpless I am for that kind of stuff. I’ve also been getting a lidocaine patch that is now pulling the skin off. Have to try going without.  Again, another complication.
 

You're doctor is faster than mine.  2 weeks isn’t bad.  His practice has other docs that might get someone in sooner.  Or I’d go to Urgent Care.  Hope it’s  just wax.  A simple fix.  Isn’t very nice your neighbors didn’t offer to at least check in on Kodie as you’ve done for them. 
 

I try and avoid the news more now.  Seems the best I can find is someone survived a terrible situation.  I prefer to read it than have it shoved at me by the media.  Just want to catch the weather in hope of bits of time to sit in the sun and quiet.  Being so locked away, I forgot how good fresh cut grass smells.  So many little things you don’t realize we are used to.  

 

[kayc]

8 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Brings up wills, death and legal stuff stirring up my emotions.

Funny you mention this, I just made an appt. to redo my will, will meet Saturday with her, then the notary to get it signed.  Next on agenda is getting POA and add my son to my bank account as a signer.  I don't want to leave him the mess Peggy left us with.  

Peggy's electricity has been off...Mick said it needs reset, but I can't physically reset the circuit breaker, it's ancient (unless she recently replaced it) and I don't have the strength, I've tried in the past.  The food in the freezer will refreeze, like the melting ice build up with it, to deal with another time...he'll be up this weekend and take care of it.  Thank God he stepped up to take this on.  He has five of the nine kids that stand to benefit so likely that factored in, but all the same, I'm very thankful!  At least he can get reimbursed for his expenses eventually, whereas I haven't.  Gas here is nearly $6/gallon now!  It's nuts.

I have a huge positive, will share it in that thread.

I got in to the doctor same day, amazing!  Haven't seen that happen in years!  Turns out my left ear was entirely plugged way inside from a huge ball of wax attached to a long thick strand wrapped around/inside the canal!  It was beyond anything I could see/reach and peroxide did nothing.  They had just gotten a new machine that hurt like hades but it did the job!  It was like a jackhammer full of water hammering the inside of my ear where it's not meant to be touched!  But I can hear better now!  I was shocked, have never seen that big a piece of wax come out and she got it all out in one piece, took some tugging but she got it done!  Turns out I don't need new stereo speakers!  And the doctor said my eardrums look good, so amazingly enough, no infection.

8 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Isn’t very nice your neighbors didn’t offer to at least check in on Kodie as you’ve done for them. 

I may ask them to as I have no idea how many hours I'll be gone.

This morning I saw deer outside, preening, so beautiful to watch!

And Panther Kitty came last night, gave him two helpings of fish, he licked the bowl clean.  Still won't come near to me yet.  I put out some water for him too.

[Gwenivere]

Great news it was just ear wax.  It hurt, but so much simpler than other things it could have been.  I hope your neighbors come thrU about Kodie.  
 

Got a call from the court for my battle with insurance.  Made lots of calls to get time changed and letters from my doctors faxed to them.  Tried to verify my Amazon Prime was cancelled but ran into so many problems getting verified and then cut off I disputed thru my bank. Much faster!  Went to bingo.  Didn’t win anything today.  Brought back some water and root beer which I.put by my iPad which fell with my tablet.  iPad works but it broke the charger plug.  Got a loaner from activities.  I’m grateful it was the cord, not the pad. Restorative  Care showed up. Dietary showed up for my evaluation and i told them it sucks.  Nurse concerned I’m losing too much weight .  Me too. I also don’t like feeling in withdrawal all day and now finding it hard to sleep.  Waking up a little after a couple hours.  Having to decide on taking my other half pain pill or chance it will be too close later which would put it too close to getting up.  Dee went and got my new cord already.  I’d do the same.  I like knowing I have it.  She was going to bring it up tonight but I wanted her to go home and rest.  I understand wanting to finish a project. I see such familiar behavior running from her partners loss.  Anything but more time to think about it.  I’m going into 8 years, 3 for her.  I don’t think we see how similar we all are when triggers hit.  I see it every time.
 

 

[KarenK]

I definitely understand the "running".  The problem is that you can't outrun yourself. When my dad died, my mother and I were devastated. I didn't recognize it for what it was at the time, but she started " running". She visited every relative nationwide that she could find. She took a trip to Europe with a cousin of mine. She'd stay till all hours at her office just to avoid going home. We never talked about his death or how she felt. I really don't know why and I feel bad about that. I guess I couldn't understand until Ron died. I know your "running" took you on a lot of shopping trips for things you didn't need.😄 Unfortunately, mine took me to too many casinos to lose money that I couldn't afford.

Hope you get some better meals. I wonder if they could bring you milkshakes for weight gain(if you like them).

[kayc]

On 6/11/2022 at 4:06 PM, Gwenivere said:

So I’ve created rituals I adhere to.  It’s like OCD behavior so I’m not adrift not knowing what to do. I almost do things down to the minute.

I understand, I'm along the same lines, so was my mom, but it helped my mom live in her own home even with Stage 3 dementia, until her 90s!  Dr Phil says it helps to have a schedule.  The problem comes in when I'm not flexible.

Wow, close call on your iPad, so glad it was just the cord, easier to replace!

Smoothies also a good idea, there's all kinds of good recipes out there if the kitchen would try it.  Are you not eating the food?  Understandable if it doesn't appeal to you.   I know you hate suggestions, but we care about you, no need to explain if it doesn't work or they won't do it. 

 

[Gwenivere]

There are no shakes or smoothies here.  I’m not much for anything but water, wine when I had access and picked up a little sugar free soda here.  I don’t drink enough liquids til late night.  They do have ice cream.  I keep running into that problem, tho, of food making me feel sick.  It’s so frustrating a place that’s supposed to help has made me feel so bad.  
 

After all these months, they are installing a decent size TV.  It reminds me of how long I’ve been here and how short time is getting about getting any help here and sent home. 
 

Had a Zoom meeting with the PA here.  She won’t increase my Xanax back to home levels.  Doesn’t feel ‘comfortable' with it.  This is coming from my shrink talking to her. They want to lay everything on the thyroid meds not being enough.  That is true, but not the whole story.  She told me I wasn’t having a problem with it til that got changed and the pain med taper.  Yes, those matter, , but these count too.  I’d think putting as much back to normal would help eliminate the cause.  They could possibly cause shortness of breath which I get up, but feels like the mask and walking in pain.  When I’m not exerting myself, my oxygen is fine.  It was  lowered at the hospital from surgery and high pain meds I’m not on now. When I was taking a walk with restorative scare got pulled into the director of nursing office about this insurance business.  Told by the insurance guy that because I can get up, walk, get to the toilet, they cant tell my insurance i need skilled care.  Doesn’t matter what the docs  say.  No more than exercise with her now.  No walks.  It’s looking more and more like I’m gonna get booted from here.  Aside from hygiene, they keep taking more away.  So, no, they aren’t helping me.  They said if I have another surgery I could come back.  The women in this meeting didn’t say a word or look at me.  It was really cold.  My therapist was shocked herself.  
 

Dee said we’ll make it work.  I’m worried now about more surgery because tha is what it feels like is needed.  I think it could be so much better had there hadn’t been 2 long interruptions.  Last year over the holidays and now since the insurance cut off.  I think of all those questions I was asked about doing things by myself, but not one person reacted to how hard  and painful it is.  Also trying to stay active feeling sick and in withdrawal.
 

 
 

 

 

[kayc]

Whatever this care center is supposed to accomplished, it's failed to meet its mark, imo.

I hope for any bright spot in your day...

I have to leave at 7:30 am to drive 60 miles away for a bone density test, not sure I want one but its scheduled, don't have a clue what it entails.  They said no jeans/zippers/buttons, so I'd picked out leggings and a tee, just went to their website and it says loose fitting, I don't have any, everything falls down on me.  If they don't like what I have they'll have to provide something and I'll have to hold it up.

Not excited about today.  Have to get gas and groceries before I come home.  My BS was up today, amazing how the slightest stress affects it.

[Gwenivere]

Seems I screwed myself by pushing on activity as that is being used against me by with this facility to my insurance.  Yes, I’m walking, but with greater difficulty., I get out of bed myself with the help of the adjustable bed, i get dressed by bending when I shouldn’t sometimes.   They don’t see that.  They just imply I do these like I’m improving which I’m not.  Mostly it’s so long to wait to know and I broke the early healing rules.  Now I’m stuck as there was no guidance.

 I called the neutral people that agreed to cutting me off in February, they’re not involved anymore.  Tried to get info from my insurance if a letter from here was needed and things got crazed again.  Pre authorizations  lost they had yesterday.  Surgeon's office said I cold be examined here via zoom by a nurse since transportation is so painful.  So I couldn’t get my basic question answered if they needed info from here.  This is very difficult to do with the pain pills messing with me.  Had counseling and It helped  a bit til i found out I’m in payments.  It’s also time to pay my visa .  Housekeeper came so more money gone.  Have no idea how this pans out if I get PT back.  I want to stay on top of this, but it’s so difficult.  Wasn’t counting on losing another day Monday with the holiday’.  Going to try and stay calm but that’s asking a lot.  Did nothing social today and had to turn down restorative care.  Why we cant walk and talk together makes no sense  because it fit my 30 minutes perfectly.  Really pissed me off that the nursing director never comes to talk to me, aways sends the insurance guy.  Its like a slap in the face.
 

Took me forever to update my calendar for my counselors fees.  My brain is so scrambled.  Went down to activities and the puzzle was done.  Extra time to kill.  My head is already hurting thinking about next week and phone calls.  Too many things to do and more time with no rest.  Gonna try and not stress I have no control over the next 3 days and cant change that.  I’ll only have 5 days the last week of June which I assume I’ll have to go home.  Have that legal hearing and want to get one last shower in.  From there, I’m just not sure I care anymore.  

[kayc]

So you weren't warned and now your efforts are being used against you?!  So wrong on every count. 

Today I am getting my will redone, getting my ex-SIL off!  Will cost a pretty penny but I don't want my kids going through the mess Peggy left us in...

[Gwenivere]

Whatever time I wake up first time in the morning, I don’t feel overwhelmed. When I do have to get up a few hours later, the reality hits and i find how bad I am.  It’s taken me over half an hour to just type this to here.  At 1am this morning my iPad died from lack of charging.  Dee’s piced me up a new one.   I lost it wondering what else is going to go wrong, not If………what..

Tried 2 times for another walk.  Restorative Care and a fire drill kept me room bound for a bit.  Forgot it was popcorn day.  They had extra.

I really wanted a calmer day.  I so need it.  It’s so weird that my therapist  couldn’t walk with me so I only had 15 minutes with her.  Don’t understand why we can't walk so I have some company.  It must be because i am walking 'so well' in huge pain.  Feels like a punishment.  Proof I can do it despite the massive pain.  I don’t know why things are getting so bad here.  I didn’t get a menu for this week yet.
 

Father’s Day comes around again.  I know this is  a very hard day for so many. A huge whammy for you, Kay.  I so miss 'dad'' with our furry kids.  Always was a big BBQ night.  Don’t want to walk down that memory path again.  I think of our dads too.  Other ties deep and gone.  💕

 

 

[kayc]

7 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

A huge whammy for you, Kay

Thank you for remembering.

7 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I lost it wondering what else is going to go wrong, not If………what..

It can sure feel that way, can't it.  I'm glad Dee had you another one!

Melissa's divorce was final on George's birthday.  Yesterday I got a new will, medical forms, POA, etc. 19 pages in all!  Need to get copies made this week for my kids and get my son added on as signer on my bank account.  But he won't have the issue we are having with Peggy's lack of taking care of business, all my ducks are in a row now.  I wanted to take care of this yesterday but the bank was closed, forgot it was Saturday, I think tomorrow is a holiday too, we'll see.

7 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I didn’t get a menu for this week yet.

I hope they get around to it today.  This kind of stuff is what Peggy got in a rehab facility too, it's beyond annoying that they have the same duties day after day yet they can't seem to get it together!

[Gwenivere]

I was talking to the nurse again about this withdrawal and she offered more.  Last thing I want to do is add more I would have to add more withdraw from.  iWent to bingo and was talking to another resident that is in pain med hell wondeRing how they got caught up in it.  I’m afraid my PCP will want to do this too quickly.  It’s problems like this that really add to the feeling abandoned.   Cindy didn’t know dow depressed I was, nor I her til we talked.  I’m not the only one laying in their room wondering how to survive tHis in a caring, slow way.  Why should we have to pay for the quickest way when we didn’t do anything but trust our medical care to supposed experts?  This is a time we need a carefully laid out plan.  

I’m so tired of living in the shadows of life.  I could write all night about the details of all that is so wrong right now.  It solves nothing.  I feel I am overflowing with grief this fork in the road created.  Im truly paralyzed about a decision.  Which road to choose as it’s deciding a pretty final decision.  I have to know what id be fighting for.  I don’t  even know what physical status i can count on when it wake up tomorrow, much less a month or year from now.  I know I I’ll lose Melody.  Could I have another dog?  I drown in grief more everyday.  Can that be changed?  

 

 

 

[kayc]

1 hour ago, Gwenivere said:

we didn’t do anything but trust our medical care to supposed experts

Oh man, can I relate!  Statins gave me and my family Diabetes and didn't help my Triglycerides!  Doctors never helped me with my diabetes, just "take these meds" which increase insulin resistance and ultimately worsen the problem.  It was George here that first told me what I needed to do, thank God for him, Rose Anne and my George died doing what doctors told them to do.  One reason I'm trying to help people with diabetes!

1 hour ago, Gwenivere said:

I feel I am overflowing with grief this fork in the road created.

Whatever we're going through seems to heighten the grief as we miss them all the more, knowing what a difference it'd make if they were here instead of us going through everything alone without help.

1 hour ago, Gwenivere said:

I know I I’ll lose Melody.

 

[Gwenivere]

It’s 5 pm and I’m just getting here.  Have been dealing with all the little things that feel so big.  They’ve lost my estrogen and I don’t need another thing missing that causes temp changes. The PA came by and told me to take more pain meds because I’m in so much pain. I told she will need to talk to my doc as he will rush the withdrawal.  I’m so angry I’m the one paying for this.  These should have been out of my life months ago.  They don’t even kill the pain now as I wasn’t getting enough PT. I was walking wrong for a long time.  Now I. Have to 'pray' it can be fixed without more surgery.  
 

I talked to Dee about coming home in a couple weeks.  I’d rather it be a weekend without traffic for her.  Get a final shower in.  Mentally prep for being in an environment that will be hostile to my condition.  Nothing can have me ready, if possible, that fast.  I don’t remember how i got thru the couple of months i was at home last time as I didn’t have Melody.  If I had the TV on all day.  There’s been too many twists and turns.  
 

Time to finish the movie I keep zoning out on.  Not tired.  Just facing a day closer to what once was my home.   All these memories to stuff in there with were good ones.  It’s going to feel contaminated.  Idea’s that I can’t do that would fill time and help my esteem.  Wish I could use a treadmill.  That always felt soooooo good.  
 

 

 

[kayc]

Wow, if anyone ever needed a bungler's manual to bungle someone's therapy, all they'd have to do is read this!  I'm so sorry, it seems one lies the other swears, so to speak, you get so many different opinions/thoughts on pain meds, therapy, then hit/miss carrying it out!  PT doesn't show up, there's no consistency, OMG, who is in charge!!!  You have nothing but sympathy from me along with prayers that this somehow heals and turns out better than it has been going for so long...

Last night Kodie swallowed a piece of plastic wrap, it had pizza juice/cheeses on it so smelled good, when I looked it was gone.   I tried cramming my finger down his throat to get him to vomit, I was frantic, all I got was bit, can't say as I blame him, he must have thought I'd gone plum nuts!  Walking him (aids digestion) and waiting to see if it passes, about 6" x 6", 8 3/4" at diagonal, oh how I hope/pray!!!

[MartyT]

I know you'll be watching Kodie like a hawk, Kay. Do let us know how this turns out ~ and we're all pulling for you!

[Gwenivere]

I hope nothing serious happens with Kodie.  Dogs just don’t think of consequences.   I don’t know how I did it, but our kids were trained not to take anything unless we said it was OK or drop it if they tried.   Had too many scares with puppies.  Now you have to wait.  
 

17 hours ago, kayc said:

OMG, who is in charge!!!  You have nothing but sympathy from me along with prayers that this somehow heals and turns out better than it has been going for so long...

Thank you, Kay.  I already know I’d be going home in very bad shape.   There won’t be any change physically.  That’s the big challenge.  I called my surgeon and found out they have contacted Premera regarding the negligence of care due to too fast a release.  My guy is out for the week, but another provider is on it to lean on them.  Everything i told the office rep said they agreed with and included in this negligence treatment.  Even if it comes to having a nurse do a physical exam for them as I can’t get there.  It doesn’t sound like it’s needed as he already said I was not given reasonable recovery time.  
 

It was a shower day which was hard mentally.  I still haven't gotten my estrogen.  Supposed to be here by 3pm.  I know that going on 48 hours without it is having an effect.  Got my pain meds so my mid is a little clearer. Trying to keep my weight up.  I had to ask for my pain patch.  My restorative care aide said she’s been told to drop some residents so they get nothing now.  It’s because of new residents and still down a 3rd therapist.  I’m sure I’m on the short list.
 

So, I’m still confused about what to do.  Finally ran into a resident I hadn’t seen in days.  Said she’d been waking in tears  and taking walks or her wheelchair to get out of here to be alone.  There’s some waterfront park close so she goes there.  I envy her the option.  Also that her family worries about her when she disappears.   I guess I’ve just had too much of that for too long.

[kayc]

Last night I got a letter from my health insurance telling me they switched me back to Volpi effective 6/1 (three weeks later they let me know?!) as my new doctor isn't covered. Volpi moved, he isn't here, I'd told them that 1 1/2 months ago!  Meanwhile, I've SEEN Clem for my ear, and his referral for my bone density test (not cheap!) and have appts. in the near future for mammogram and dermatology which he referred to.  I called them and my insurance.  Orchid Health (my clinic) said they'd get back to me Monday.  Six days away!  The insurance didn't give me any such answers, just got a foreigner that said he helped me all he could.  So basically they've left me with no doctor and on the hook for expensive bills!!!  This is the time of year I catch up on medical stuff as the rest of the year there's snow or threat of fire.  You'd better believe I'm filing a grievance when this is done.  

No news on Kodie, so far he seems fine.  Keeping an eye on him.  It wasn't very big, about 6" x 6" (8 3/4" diagonally).  Didn't poop on our walk, he may have on his play date in the bushes somewhere...

Wow, Gwen.  It just seems every which way we turn there is no customer service, no one making sure everything is as it should be, no caring.