End of relationship after death of a parent.

[lookingforsomeguidance]

Hi,

I know this topic has been covered by other posts. I have read a lot on this forum and have appreciated everyone's kindness and advice. I still felt compelled to post something to share my own experience and see if anyone has any specific advice for me.

Earlier this year I met someone who I felt was the love of my life. I'm in my early 30s and have been lucky to have had several healthy long-term relationships, but I can often be very logical and had never had the sudden "aha" moment of feeling like I had met my life partner until this past March. A week into seeing her the thought that "I'm going to marry her" just popped into my head—this is before we really knew each other, before we slept together, before anything. It was transformative for me and while I knew it was important not to attach myself to that outcome, it felt very authentic and remained that way. After a few weeks we were talking about spending the rest of our lives together, getting married, building a family, and that feeling persisted for the first several months of our relationship. It feels a little crazy typing this all out, but I know the feeling was so genuine and true on both sides.

Because of our work, we both had exciting opportunities to pursue over the summer and spent a couple of months apart. We were excited to reconnect when we both returned home. While I was gone, her father passed away.

The experience of her father passing totally overwhelmed my partner to the point where she has remained totally isolated for over a month. We spoke a couple of times over the phone, saw each other once, texted occasionally, and finally met in person a few days ago. There wasn't even really a choice to make. It was clear that the relationship was already over, that she doesn't have space for me or anyone else right now.

While I know there was no other option, I'm devastated. I'm grateful that meeting her showed me the type of love that I'm capable of, but I'm devastated knowing that I've lost it now. While I feel for her on a deep level, I also know I deserve someone who can be with me even through the most challenging of times. Maybe she just isn't ready for that right now.

If anyone has any advice on how you've dealt with a similar situation I'd appreciate it. This is still very fresh, I know I'll be okay, and I'm lucky to have so much support from my community as I grieve the loss of this relationship. Again, I just wanted to hear if anyone on here had something they'd be open to share.

Thank you.

[kayc]

.

 

[lookingforsomeguidance]

Hi Kay, while I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my post I'm genuinely confused why you'd think that would be helpful advice for my situation. Maybe you were just trying to give me a reality check, but it comes off as kicking me while I'm down. I don't expect to get back with her and didn't indicate that that's at all what I'm thinking about.

I'm sorry for your loss, but I'd be a little more gentle about what you post in the future. This was not helpful.

[MartyT]

11 hours ago, lookingforsomeguidance said:

While I know there was no other option, I'm devastated. I'm grateful that meeting her showed me the type of love that I'm capable of, but I'm devastated knowing that I've lost it now. While I feel for her on a deep level, I also know I deserve someone who can be with me even through the most challenging of times. Maybe she just isn't ready for that right now.

Of course you are devastated ~ for you, this is a significant loss, and the depth of your pain is a measure of how much you have lost. I am so sorry this has happened to you ~ but you sound as if you're working hard to make sense of what has happpened and to learn whatever lessons this experience can teach you. Your statements that "meeting her showed me the type of love that I'm capable of" and "I know I deserve someone who can be with me even through the most challenging of times" speak to this fact.

I encourage you to allow whatever feelings may arise as you find your way through this grief. Honor it as worthy of your mourning. Lean on those in your own circle (friends, family, co-workers) who can support you through this challenging time in your life ~ and know that you will make it through. Seek a session or two with a qualified grief counselor if you feel the need.

I invite you to read the following, in hopes that doing so will help:

Mourning The Death of a Love Relationship: Suggested Resources

In Grief: Can This Relationship Survive?

Confronting The Lessons of Grief

❤️