Having A Bad Day

[kayc]

Gail and Wendy, and Art and Kathy, Bob, and all of the others who are going through their "first without"s, my heart just goes out to you, I know how tough it is, but you will get through it, it will pass.

Inside of me is a sadness that I carry, even though it's been 2 1/2 years, but I'm not depressed, it's like there is a part of me that carries this inside, and another part of me that goes on with life, even though it's nothing like it was and not what I ordered. Life has its phases. I had babies and they grew up and now my daughter rarely calls and I only see her at holidays. That's how life is, it goes on with it's changes, some welcome, some not. You learn to enjoy the good parts to the phase you're in and other ones suck. I had a beautiful phase of life with George but it's gone now, and I can only wait to see him again. It would be easier for me to move into my life with John if we could be together, but again, I have to wait. Life is a lot about waiting which doesn't really seem a lot like living, but you have to appreciate and enjoy what there is while it is here or you miss it all. So even though alone, I enjoy my animals, I heard an elk bugling Sunday, that was special, I enjoy the view as I commute even though I don't like the long drive. I'm trying to learn to enjoy what there is. I appreciate my son's many favors, and the wood John got in for me this weekend. And I enjoy my little holiday girl (my daughter) whenever I do get to see her, even though I wish for more. This is life now. I pray each of you find your way and can find something in your day to smile about, even if it's small. My heart is with you.

KayC

Edited December 11, 2007 by kayc

[DesertBob]

You know, this comment intrigues me. My life certainly hasn't turned out like I expected, in so many ways that by now, no matter what happens it's not going to even remotely resemble my 16 year old self's original vision for it. Not even the parts of that vision that were reasonable or realistic.

But I'm not sure I know anyone who can honestly say that their life has turned out even somewhat like they expected it to. I know a couple of people who can say it's different but just as good / better than they expected, but that's as close as it comes.

I daresay there is not a soul on this board whose life has gone according to plan (or illusion or fantasy, either).

Aside from those of us who have experienced unthinkable tragedy, there is just the fact that society is much more complex than it was a generation or two ago. It used to be that you grew up in a relatively circumscribed life, where your choices and roles were very limited, but things changed much more slowly if at all and you knew exactly what was expected of you and what to expect from those around you. But today, with our greater affluence, affordable technology, changing roles of men and women, greater life spans, and on and on ... in many respects the sky's the limit. This is both good and bad, but I think it means that it's now virtually impossible to guess the shape of what your life will be like even five years from now much less fifty years out.

Realizing this at least allows me not to feel picked on ;-)

--Bob

I don't like being all alone. I don't like how my life is turning out...this is not how I saw my life.

[kayc]

My life certainly hasn't gone as planned, I am glad I could not have foreseen how things would go, it would have been too much to handle. I don't think I feel picked on, but I don't think it's an unreasonable assumption that you and your mate would grow old together, at least reach retirement together, but that didn't happen. It seemed like we just put our lives together and it was torn all apart. Along with that loss, society has undergone so many changes, we now have much more expectation in the workplace and it seems we keep a lot less of our money, everything costs more relatively, and the stress and pace are so much greater. We have to work longer before we're allowed to retire but realize we may not live long enough to see it (my husband didn't). So the old view that I'd get married, have two kids, grandchildren, retire, and die, didn't happen. I'm on my fourth marriage, I'm no where near retirement, still don't have grandchildren, struggle to make ends meet, have a long commute, and just plain feel tired. This wasn't what I envisioned, nor was it anything close to it. I lost my dad 25 1/2 years ago and my precious mother in law over 20 years ago. One sister lost her son at 3 years old and another lost her daughter at less than 2 years. I never realized when I was young that death could strike at any moment, at any age, and there were no guarantees, implied or otherwise. Life is a hard teacher.

[karenb]

Boy Kay....Your road must seem long to you. You must feel you have major things to accomplish, but look what you've done so far. You have a life of learning and you are strong and doing what needs to happen to keep Kay just going on. You are a very strong lady!! I respect you very much. I feel our experiences, if we really look at them carefully as you must have done, only strengthen us. You feel like such a good friend, I want you to just keep on keeping on.

Your friend, Karen