Looking For The Positives

[Queeniemary]

Oh, Anne, what wonderful and positive news.  A new grandbaby!!!  I am so happy for you, and for your daughter!  Thank you for sharing this with us.  YAY  YAY

QMary

[Queeniemary]

It has been a bit since I have posted.  I am going on 9 weeks since rotator cuff surgery.  I am doing well, and of course, doing therapy.  Now can drive with both hands, and type on keyboard as well.  I doubt I ever get entire range of motion back, but that is all right, as long as I can do things with both arms and hands.  I appreciate all the thoughts and prayers. 

QMary

[kayc]

And it's good to hear from you QMary!  I'm so glad you are able to drive and type again!  

[Guest]

Very excited for you Anne.  My grandkids keep finding ways to make me smile when I need one.

[LadyCarrie]

Happy feet!   Oh, yes!  Happy feet!  Jerry, Amberly, and I join your other friends here in rejoicing with you, precious friend.   God is so good.  We thank Him for blessing your daughter, her husband, their children, and you with another little Love.

Hugs and squeezes,

Carrie

[HAP]

Congratulations Anne. And glad to hear the surgery went well, Mary.

--Harry

[R.Everit55]

A positive.  As some of you know, I have two grandsons.  And you also know in August my son and DIL had twins girls born much too soon at 24 weeks and both only lived a very short time.  Devastation.  Now they are four and a half months along with a rainbow baby.  In May they will have another baby girl.  They told me the name they chose for her.  A name makes it so much for real.  She is Gracelee MaryBeth. My beautiful wife's name was MaryBeth.  

Just thought I'd share good news.  The pregnancy is going flawless.  It's bittersweet because Lila and Lily should be here with their brothers.  But God had a different plan.  

Butch

[kayc]

Butch,

I'm delighted to hear your news!  And what a beautiful name they've chosen!

[kayc]

Here is my positive for today, Butch's little Gracie!

[kayc]

Today my positive is that I slept last night, in spite of the scare the social security office gave me (I sure didn't the night before!).  Trying to let go of what I cannot change and keep the faith...

[Gwenivere]

Great about the sleep, Kay.  If there is one thing we all need during these times is as much rest as we can get.  It's so very hard dealing with all that red tape.  Especially when it reflects back on our losses.

[scba]

Superficial: Today my positive is that I took the initiative and went to the hairdresser to cover my white hairs that made their appearance in large quantities after his passing.

[mittam99]

Ana,

Sure, having your hair colored may seem like a minor and "superficial" thing. But you know what? That's a big positive that shows you care about yourself. Well done.

[scba]

Thank you Mitch, my hairdresser said: "this is all wrong, what's the matter here? come, we will take care of you". In a woman's life, when everything goes wrong, the hairdresser generally makes it right.

[kayc]

That's funny because I've been putting blonde in my hair for years (I was originally a blonde) but recently let my hair go natural (lack of $).  I kind of miss the blonde, but this is okay too.

[WolfsKat]

My "positive" is that I slept pretty well, and even ate a whole piece of peanut butter toast for breakfast......appetite has been rather wonky, and some days I barely eat at all (I know, bad, but....) so guess this is positive.....if minor!

[Margm]

I am not feeling positive today, but don't want to rain on anyone's day.  We have rain so hard our little dry stream bed down the hill from the house is a raging river.  It runs off fast. I am feeling all of the meanings of "morose."

Morose:  sullen, sulky, gloomy, bad-tempered, ill-tempered, dour, surly, sour, glum, moody, ill-humored, melancholy, melancholic, brooding, broody, doleful, miserable, depressed, dejected, despondent, downcast, unhappy, low, down, grumpy, irritable, churlish, cantankerous, crotchety, cross, crabby, cranky, grouchy, testy, snappish, peevish, crusty;

Got to go to the "big city" today.  A friend had surgery and got to find something cheery in the colors of the Dallas Cowboys for her.  Her truck is dedicated to the Cowboys and I don't even want to ride with her in it.  Of course, the Saints are my team.  

Seems like I am "treading water" in getting out of this house.  But, the porch is finally painted.  I have four huge plastic "buckets" packed with Billy's stuff and only probably have half of it packed.  I will take all of it to the apartment on May 6th.  Then will finish up.  

Sleeping was spotty last night.  I probably felt guilty for not treating Billy's hats better.  I kept hearing things and waking up.  I am sure I am in a much safer place than I will be in the apartment, but will be less scared there.  

Rain decreasing, so that is a positive.  

[scba]

Positive: in the new place you will live less scared.

[WolfsKat]

Marg........you are making a positive step with everything you are doing in order to move to a new place, one you want for yourself!  Starting something like a move is HUGE........a little scary, but, perhaps with a bit of hope and a dash of hopeful excitement?  You have amazing courage......will look forward to your updates as to the new home!

[mittam99]

In grief, sometimes we can view just getting out of bed as a positive.

[Gwenivere]

Then I have had a positive day.  

[scba]

1 hour ago, WolfsKat said:

Marg........you are making a positive step with everything you are doing in order to move to a new place, one you want for yourself!  Starting something like a move is HUGE........a little scary, but, perhaps with a bit of hope and a dash of hopeful excitement?  You have amazing courage......will look forward to your updates as to the new home!

I agree. Marg, you are making a significant change in your life and it is to be recognized as positive. You want to move and live in an apartment for X reason, and you are making it happen. Of course it is not easy and the change is caused by your loss. Still, you made up your mind.

[mittam99]

25 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

Then I have had a positive day.  

Gwen, it's all how you look at it. If you're being hard on yourself, than yeah ... "it's another day of doing nothing... I suck... life sucks".

The truth is you are doing the best you can, right? You're still here, surviving ... even though at times you don't probably care. Are you happy? That would obviously and painfully and absolutely be a no.

Just an idea.. If you feel like you're "going backwards" maybe you need to try to make some small changes... even tiny ones. Not anything traumatic like throwing away stuff or remodeling the house, just little day to day things in your life.

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

[Gwenivere]

I really don't have the attitude life sucks, I'm just so missing Steve these days.  I wouldn't call it a set back either.  I'm rather surprised at how hard it has hit and how long it is lasting as I was used to little breaks now and then.  There are some health issues that could be contributing too.  So it's a mess.  It's like a phase I've seen many in at about 8-10 months, not 15 like where I am.  I don't expect to skip phases, but in this case I seem to be a late bloomer.  At 8 months I was kicking ass getting things done.   So, it's kinda wierd.  Truly frustrating.  I have made changes along the way.  Many changes because you have to being alone.   For a time I felt I was adapting, but with the new surge of yearning it's been tough.  

Whats hitting me is how hard it is to be in love alone.  No notes, cards, little things you did for each other or funding treats to bring home.  And vice versa.  No one to greet you or take interest in your life.  The typical things I thought would never end and when they did are now getting to me.  I haven't written a post it note for him to leave on his mirror in forever.  It's the little things.

i don't know what else to change as it happens on its own.  What I try an do is find interest in the things I did before like reading.  To get some of those back would really help.  I do it, but it's not the same.  I'm working on trying not to resist the reality of this loss.  And for now that means some extra wallowing.  

[mittam99]

54 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

 Whats hitting me is how hard it is to be in love alone.  No notes, cards, little things you did for each other or funding treats to bring home.  And vice versa.  No one to greet you or take interest in your life.  The typical things I thought would never end and when they did are now getting to me.  I haven't written a post it note for him to leave on his mirror in forever.  It's the little things.

Believe me Gwen, I understand. Tammy was my whole life and I've never been loved or given love like that before. This new life alone is hard as hell. It's also about learning to adapt at some point and for each or us this happens differently.

You said it's hard to deal with not having someone taking an interest in your life. Yes it is. Life feels so shallow, empty and loveless without our beloved by our side.

But, there is one person that should take an interest in your life at this point and her name is Gwen. I'm not saying that flippantly. It's your life to live and I hope it becomes a life with less pain and some measure of happiness.