Brad Posted October 21, 2016 Report Share Posted October 21, 2016 Oh Amy, I am so sorry for your meltdown. That is the thing I despise most about grief. Like you, I'll be going along doing better, thinking maybe the worst is behind me and then BAM out of no where I feel like I'm moving backward; the tsunami syndrome. Just know that this will not last. Nothing lasts; neither the better times nor the bad times. I suppose this is our life. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted October 21, 2016 Report Share Posted October 21, 2016 I wear my rings on a double strand necklace. I only remove them to shower. I talked to a woman in the washateria this morning who lost her husband two weeks before he turned 40. He has been gone now for seven years. She says only now does she ever have days that she forgets. I told her I did not know if I had seven years, but actually the little verse under that is, "and I don't care." I'm sorry Amy. Some days I look to the sky when I am talking to Billy. I tell him "and your not coming back." And, he is not, but I have to tell myself over and over that I am him and he is me, so I still have him in my heart. I don't think anything helps really. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted October 22, 2016 Report Share Posted October 22, 2016 11 hours ago, Dew's Girl said: Serious meltdown this morning. I've been doing so well that it actually shocked me. I've lost weight from this whole grieving thing. I guess I didn't realize how much until my wedding ring fell off this morning. I watched in horror as it slipped off my finger and clanged onto the floor. A moment frozen in time and then sped up as my knees just buckled and I was on the ground sobbing. I have been feeling like I'm moving too far away from my old life with Daniel and this just felt like too much. Oh how those sneaky meltdowns can sneak up on us. I haven't lost weight but other things will trigger me. I've been more agitated and unsettled because of work finances and life after the loss of my beloved Rose Anne. ... a look over to the passenger side to see the "window prints" she left when she was too tired to hold her head up after dialysis. Then I realize I can not see them anymore because that car was disposed. ... Daily life routines are markedly different than when Rose Anne was present. ... the abject silence of a mate who is not there to talk, share, encourage and participate in life since that fateful day. I realize my life will continue to move forward despite the abrupt stop in time when we were no longer present to each other. However, Rose Anne is still ever present in my heart, mind, and soul. Gratefully, 26 years lovingly together is not obliterated by her death. She cannot communicate on the same level as before. My memories of us united helps me to cope with these feelings of loneliness and separation. She loved me deeply and profoundly. Amy, My prayer is that you will find your strength and support through this grief trial. - Shalom, George 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdownes Posted October 22, 2016 Report Share Posted October 22, 2016 Amy am so sorry for the hard day we will never have our old life back with them though Lord knows we want it those happy days when we felt truly loved and cared for it can be so hard to push forward and find our way it can be very painful and scary but Daniel is still a part of this new life just look into your heart and he is right there with you in all you do, they never truly leave us I hope you find some comfort 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 22, 2016 Report Share Posted October 22, 2016 Amy, I'm sorry you had such a horrid moment. Like Steve said though, it didn't take you further from Daniel, it just means you need to have something done to your ring. Rather than sizing down, you might consider having something put into it to help hold it on, in case you gain the weight back at some point. I would take it to a jeweler and talk to them about what they have available. (((hugs))) I hope you have a better day today. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dew's Girl Posted October 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2016 Thanks for all the kindness and support. You all are so awesome. It breaks my heart to think of having the ring sized because I think they cut it and I don't want the circle broken. I don't even know if it could be done as there is a celtic knot engraved around the entire ring. For now I've just moved it over to my middle finger and Daniel's ring is on the pointer finger so they are still together. It feels weird to have my rings finger bare, but at least the weight of the ring is still on my hand. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 25, 2016 Report Share Posted October 25, 2016 I'm pretty sure they can fix it, Amy. The reason my resizing cost $275 was because it was so complicated. I have platinum and yellow gold, and they had to separate them. I also had engraving that they had to redo. They did an amazing job and you can't tell it's ever been worked on. Go to the best, most reputable jeweler. I used Harry Ritchie's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dew's Girl Posted January 2, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 2, 2017 Just wanted to share my new blog post with you all. I know you get how hard starting a new year with only half of our heart can be. http://dewsgirl.blogspot.com/ 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted January 2, 2017 Report Share Posted January 2, 2017 Amy, your new blog post is beautiful and so well said. Thank you for sharing. Joyce 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brad Posted January 2, 2017 Report Share Posted January 2, 2017 Amy - I am very impressed. Your blog spoke directly to me and helped me realize that many of my fears are ludicrous and meritless. I too feel so diminished and yet evolving in ways I could never imagine. Thank you for your sage perspective. Brad 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 3, 2017 Report Share Posted January 3, 2017 Amy, Very well put...I love this statement especially: Babe, I know you so well. I know exactly what you would say. In fact, I can practically hear your voice in my ear every day encouraging me to move forward full force and tilt at windmills, dance in the rain, and take chances. I am just now getting that my fear of moving too far away from you is simply crazy. That would be as impossible as walking away from my own heartbeat. Knowing that you will always be with me on the journey makes taking each new step possible. This is pretty much what I was trying to reply to Gwen about in another thread. George may not be here to reply to me audibly but I do know him so well as to know what he'd say to me and I can still bask in the comfort of knowing his response. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted January 3, 2017 Report Share Posted January 3, 2017 Thank you so much for sharing your heart. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted January 3, 2017 Report Share Posted January 3, 2017 I love it Amy. In fact your entire blog is an inspiration. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dew's Girl Posted January 13, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2017 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted January 13, 2017 Report Share Posted January 13, 2017 Amy, my heart is with you today. Hugs Joyce 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted January 13, 2017 Report Share Posted January 13, 2017 My heart is with you Amy, in fact, my heart is with us all. 365 days, Sunday through Saturday night, 24/7. Beautiful blog. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted January 14, 2017 Report Share Posted January 14, 2017 ❤ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dew's Girl Posted June 21, 2017 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2017 Hi all. Just checking in. I made a move to a new city and am working hard on finding my way. Just wanted to share a new blog post about how hard it is to be happy. I hope you all are finding some moments of peace. http://dewsgirl.blogspot.com/?m=1 "It's so easy to be sad. It's like a warm, comfortable coat that protects me from letting other people in and from really living life. Being happy is hard." 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted June 21, 2017 Report Share Posted June 21, 2017 Hi dear Amy ~ It's wonderful to hear from you again! Your blog post is so touching. I hope the day will come when you can put that warm, comfortable sadness coat in a closet and leave it there ~ if only for a little while. I'm not sure you'll ever be rid of the hurt, but I hope you can let go of the guilt, because you deserve every ounce of happy you can find. ♥ 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 22, 2017 Report Share Posted June 22, 2017 Amy, Many years ago I read an article that impacted me...it said we have to give ourselves permission to smile, to laugh, to be happy. I have learned that it is not our mourning that holds us to them, but our love, and that bond continues to exist. So it is, over the years, I embrace any bit of happiness, no matter how small, no matter how fleeting. You are doing positive things for yourself and that is a huge step in that direction! I'm glad to hear you have hobbies you enjoy, that is positive as well. I hope you can say goodbye to guilt and give yourself permission to be happy...even if it means coexisting with your grief. I've learned we can have many emotions at the same time, even if they appear to be opposing ones. And that's okay. I carry my grief inside of me, but I also embrace life, and I think that's the direction you are moving in when you take positive steps like you've taken. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle-96 Posted June 25, 2017 Report Share Posted June 25, 2017 On 6/21/2017 at 0:30 PM, Dew's Girl said: Hi all. Just checking in. I made a move to a new city and am working hard on finding my way. Just wanted to share a new blog post about how hard it is to be happy. I hope you all are finding some moments of peace. http://dewsgirl.blogspot.com/?m=1 "It's so easy to be sad. It's like a warm, comfortable coat that protects me from letting other people in and from really living life. Being happy is hard." I've gone back and read some of your posts. They are eerily similar to mine. I met a Lori at work and we worked together our entire marriage. We were married 13 years never had children and lived in our house for ten years. My wife also died suddenly in the middle of the night. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dew's Girl Posted June 26, 2017 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2017 On 6/24/2017 at 7:28 PM, Eagle-96 said: I've gone back and read some of your posts. They are eerily similar to mine. I met a Lori at work and we worked together our entire marriage. We were married 13 years never had children and lived in our house for ten years. My wife also died suddenly in the middle of the night. I am so sorry for your loss. Although I know that this grief journey is unique for each of us, I think I know a bit about what you are going through. If you need someone to talk to, please shoot me an email at amy.willard@gmail.com. Of course, that goes for everyone here. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dew's Girl Posted July 28, 2017 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2017 Working on getting through the day. Today we would be celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary. Here is an excerpt from my latest blog post: "Here's a secret that those of us living with grief share: some dates on the calendar loom much too large. We both live for these key moments of memory and dread them. I am always keenly aware of upcoming dates that were significant to Daniel and me. I plan months in advance how I will deal with them. If I am invited somewhere within the nearby timeframe I am always questioning myself. Will I be ok by then? What might happen to trigger tears? How can I just act normal when my world is so upside down?" http://dewsgirl.blogspot.com/ 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TomPB Posted July 28, 2017 Report Share Posted July 28, 2017 31 minutes ago, Dew's Girl said: Working on getting through the day. Today we would be celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary. Here is an excerpt from my latest blog post: "Here's a secret that those of us living with grief share: some dates on the calendar loom much too large. We both live for these key moments of memory and dread them. I am always keenly aware of upcoming dates that were significant to Daniel and me. I plan months in advance how I will deal with them. If I am invited somewhere within the nearby timeframe I am always questioning myself. Will I be ok by then? What might happen to trigger tears? How can I just act normal when my world is so upside down?" http://dewsgirl.blogspot.com/ Our 48th was 6/27 and I just had Susan's birthday 7/18. On 6/27 I took one of Susan's sisters + husband sailing and I had a birthday party on 7/17. Incredibly painful in part but also good in part - everything is mixed. Now I'm set till my bday in Sept when she would always do something creative and special. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted July 28, 2017 Report Share Posted July 28, 2017 Amy, wishing you some peace on this special day. We all know how hard these days are to get through. Sending hugs, Joyce 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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