Guest Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 No offense was ever intended. I am struggling like everyone here and was simply sharing an approach that was/is working for me. I NEVER would go " looking for approval by doing the right thing, showing how much gratitude they have, which is upsetting". That is not in my nature. When ideas are posted I look at them, try them on for size and recognize that everything here is posted by concerned people, willing to open their hearts and share their experiences in hopes of helping others along the process of grief. For upsetting some of you I do apologize; beating others up never has been me. I will rethink what I choose to post in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 I don't think you ever offended anyone. I felt like I did with my post. I'm so glad this is working for you and I hope you don't ever feel the need to "rethink" your posts. You are inspiring and show such care for the people here. I truly look forward to your incite and I do from everyone else. As you said we are all struggling here and we need to just keep trying to find things that work for us to get through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 3 hours ago, Cookie said: I When I hear someone say that they feel so much better because they are focusing on the positives, I guess I'm jealous, which makes me angry. Why not me? Am I doing it wrong? I must just be holding onto negative things? You see what I mean? Sometimes looking at things or writing downs things that are wonderful actually makes me sadder if that's possible. Oh well, great for those it works for. Good luck for those it doesn't.....Cookie I think you and I are sitting on the same side of the room right now. I know I feel jealousy and wonder if I am doing something wrong. But as has been shown by the replies, we are all in different places and that is why I am happy for those who feel some solace. But I want it too! It just isn't my time. Brad, don't change a thing about your posts. They help everyone. Those that feel gratitude and those of us looking for the hope we will. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 I don't think anyone has been offensive, we're all just stating things as we see them, all trying... Brad, I think everyone is just writing from where they are at, from their experience, and I don't think that comment was intended for you, but for someone in their other experiences. I don't think trying to be positive amid life's experiences is ever anything anyone need apologize about, it's not always easy to live out but you have to admire the person that can do it. I don't do it perfectly or all the time, but I try to, and it helps to have people remind us to keep practicing it! Esp. as we see it doesn't seem to come natural. I have noticed that when we practice things, we create new grooves and form new habits so our ways of responding can change (they pointed that out in the anxiety webinar last Friday too). Some here do not feel like trying to be grateful, they just aren't in that state of mind, but that doesn't mean this thread isn't helpful, we're all in different places and if anyone disagrees with a thread, they can move on to the next one. I've done that with topics of discussion I didn't relate to. We all have to have thick skins because this is a sensitive time and area for everyone, new and old alike. I see this as a very supportive group and I hope I didn't offend anyone either! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 Brad, I hope you don't think I took offense to anything you said. I definitely didn't. I think as far as the positive thoughts and gratitude thing some of us are so far apart on the spectrum of that we can't begin to understand each others thoughts about it. Basically, I understand needing to find gratitude and something positive everyday and moving toward a more hopeful life. Maybe it's because I've had negative experiences where a couple of people have said "You need to find something to be grateful for" as if that will demolish all my pain and sorrows. When something clicks for us, it just does. We don't know when it will be but I do believe it will happen eventually--even though I don't feel like it now. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 Finding gratitude does not diminish your pain and sorrows, in any way, I don't think anyone here means that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted February 25, 2016 Report Share Posted February 25, 2016 4 hours ago, Marg M said: Did any of you see the coach from Oklahoma give his address at his wife's funeral? I watched it and my heart is too frozen to comprehend the faith that man demonstrated. I admire him and I am so selfish that I envy his faith. I used to have it. I used to be so thankful to be alive that I could and did praise God. Now my heart is so frozen that his speech did not even melt a small part. How selfish am I? That man was so faithful to his faith that he forgave the driver that killed his wife. He is left alone to raise five young children. Billy was my husband for a long time, but some of you have lost children too. I am such a selfish hard person. I am afraid to be mobile and this man has such faith, and I am jealous. Dearest Margaret, you´re not selfish at all! Love you! Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted March 20, 2016 Report Share Posted March 20, 2016 "Prisoners of our own device".........this casts a different light 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted March 20, 2016 Report Share Posted March 20, 2016 Ba'hai New Year today........Equinox 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted March 20, 2016 Report Share Posted March 20, 2016 Brad, we are all in this journey together. You honor your wife with beautiful words. We each read between the lines how much you hurt, and we all wish we had a hand on that golden shovel you are using to help yourself climb out of this hole we all live in. @Cookie, I love your actions of looking in the mirror, but if I looked at myself in the mirror longer than the time it took me to just glance at the old woman that passed by, I would go into a deep depression. I cannot concentrate yet, but I see, feel, and read all your pain. Two things have been written on this forum that resonate with me. "One size does not fit all" and "if you are falling off a cliff we reach for anything that will save us." @Kevin, I admire your trying to climb out of this hole. I am in Louisiana right now, and if you follow the news, if I stayed in this hole, I would drown. My searching for my faith and my anger with God, well that size certainly does not fit some of you. That will not cause me to quit my search. It is my journey, it is my cliff. But, you all have my admiration for the things you do to try to help yourself climb out of this hole. At five months, I cannot dig this hole any deeper. That is why I appreciate each of you that tries to throw us a lifeline. So, thank you Brad, Kevin, Marty, and any of you that try to help us. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted March 20, 2016 Report Share Posted March 20, 2016 5 hours ago, kevin said: "Prisoners of our own device".........this casts a different light Kev, I must reply to this because it´s very beautiful and so true! Thank you! Hugs from Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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