Who holds your hand

[Gin]

A few years ago a priest came to our local church and performed with a few of his family members.  He played the guitar and sang.  I bought his tape and played it a lot in the car.  Lots of sad ballads.  I do not ever listen to it anymore.  One verse kept going through my mind today. 

Who holds your hand

when the hand you held

belongs to one who is gone?

we can just carry on

 I don't think I have the last line right, but I can't listen to it to find out.  But so true.  So much we have all lost.

[Margm]

We put all our time and effort into our family..  There was a song that was made popular in the movie/play "West Side Story" (and I am going from memory,) called something like "A Time For Us,"  and many singers have covered this.  We tried to have this "time for us" after we retired.  Unfortunately, family could not deal with us having this time.  Choosing to get off the road helped save our son's life and aided in the raising of our grandchild. We thought the time had come again.  We never got the new RV off the pavement on the side of our house.  

So many tragedies on this forum.  My cousin and I once, years ago, compared the deaths of our fathers.  Her father passed away suddenly from a heart attack.  My father suffered four long years with prostate cancer. She said that at least we got to say goodbye.  Billy's father suffered long and hard.  Billy was gone in a few short weeks from time of diagnosis.   I expected a miracle, at least more time.  What can I say?  So many of us did not pass the milestones Billy and I had.  I do not have to look for a job, so that is one milestone.  Billy and I were both enablers, and our enabling our family to depend on us has filtered down to all of them depending on me,  Even now, I cannot get on with this life, I have people moved into the RV and house.  April is the moveout month.  Then, there is my mom and sister who will face horrible consequences if either pass away.  As the oldest sibling, what do I do?  

When I had cancer and was sent right away to the Houston cancer hospital, when I would be so afraid of dying, Billy told me if I died, I would not suffer the pain and worry anymore, and the one left would be left with the worry and suffering.  I think he was a prophet.  

Social service came out to see my mom yesterday and told me a grief group would begin meeting this month.  This was not offered in the small mountain town that our house is situated. I am not looking forward to it, but I will take this step.  I am not looking for solutions to all these problems, Right now, I am not sure what to do about anything.  I just know I have to keep on keeping on.  At least for this moment in time.  I don't have my strength, he is gone.  As has been said before, it is what it is.

[kayc]

Margaret, Much of the time that is all I have known to do, "Keep on keeping on."  If I ever quit I don't know what would have happened to me.  You and your mom are in my prayers.