Having a rough day today.

[iheartm]

I am just so sad today. Two months in and I still cannot believe this. I look at his picture and cry and wonder why he had to go. He never would have left me. Ever. 

It is freezing cold outside today so I am cooped up inside my apartment with nothing to do but miss him terribly and wish he was here. I come here to read because sometimes I feel like I am the only one going through this and that no one understands. That is not true at all. I do not want to say that I take comfort in reading other people's stories of such a tragic thing but reading about people further along the journey gives me some hope that I will be better at some point. I hated even typing that: "I will be better at some point" because I don't want to be better if he is not here. Just another of the things you grapple with when going through this.

[Guest Janka]

Dear iheartm,

I´m the same,stuck on this forum again,though such a long time has run through.It´s like when a powerful surge of grief may overcome you and I know what I´m talking about after those 4 years long.My thoughts are with you and hold you close to my heart.

Please,take care!

Hugs from Janka

[iheartm]

Thank you, Janka. I wish you peace as well. It's so hard...

I feel like if I could just have some sign, some message from him that says, "I am okay" I could begin to maybe bear this a bit better. But the fact that he is just gone and I am left bewildered is so terribly sad and hard to deal with. He was such a beautiful man that was loved by so many. Never hurt a fly. Would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. It's so unfair. 

[nats]

We all know the feeling all to well.
I will be at 6 years exactly to the day of the week Sunday February 14th 2010 tomorrow for me
and I still feel a vast emptiness in my "heart"...

Keep visiting iheartm you will find great comfort and ways to help you, in my early days I was here often, during this journey remember whatever it takes

for you to feel good is all that matters.

"A thousand words can't bring you back, I know because I tried.  And neither can a million tears, I know because I cried."

- Author unknown

 

 

NATS

[Guest Janka]

1 hour ago, iheartm said:

Thank you, Janka. I wish you peace as well. It's so hard...

I feel like if I could just have some sign, some message from him that says, "I am okay" I could begin to maybe bear this a bit better. But the fact that he is just gone and I am left bewildered is so terribly sad and hard to deal with. He was such a beautiful man that was loved by so many. Never hurt a fly. Would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. It's so unfair. 

I remember you very well.It was you who "gave me hand" yesterday when I was feeling so terribly lonely and now I do too,but it gets better after my best friend called me up and talked to me for an hour.Today she has called me again a few hours ago,after all I had to go through yesterday.She worries about me and it´s a good feeling to know that someone really cares.I hope that you also have a friend so close to you.I take it for very important to feel better again.If you can read some of my posts here,you´ll see that I´ve got many signs from my beloved man Jan so far,so I do believe that your beloved man will send it to you too as he knows how much love you feel for him by now.My beloved Jan was also incredibly kind and good man whose I can meet just once in a lifetime...the best,the most beautiful,the only one for me forever...and one day we´ll meet again...being in his arms...in love for eternity!It´s been 4 years,3 months and 3 days now and I can´t kiss or touch another man and don´t want to.I live the best I can to be worthy to be with him in the heaven as one till eternity.It´s still hard.As you know I spent my last night crying all alone...so much it hurts by now...as I love him above all and the loneliness is so excruciating by now...and it always will...because he is irreplaceable for me forever!I understand you very well.I´m here for you whenever you need to talk to.You´re not alone in this misery at all.Remember that your beloved one is still with you and loving you forever.

The true love never ends!

With love Janka

 

[kayc]

I'm glad your friend called you Janka.  My sister was gone the last two weeks and is finally back now, plus I didn't hear from my other friend until last night, so it's good to have someone to talk to again.

[Guest Janka]

8 minutes ago, kayc said:

I'm glad your friend called you Janka.  My sister was gone the last two weeks and is finally back now, plus I didn't hear from my other friend until last night, so it's good to have someone to talk to again.

 My dear Kay,

my day-to-day prayers were heard.2 of my 3 best friends became my true friends till now and the 3rd one I was talking about on my thread "Who is the true friend and who is not" is not anymore that I find as a good decision by all means.Everything is getting better little by little.I´m even not lost because of leaving the work I was talking about too.Their bullying was intolerable anymore.I have a medical issues because of that again,as you know,but I can recover to find something else,much better for me.It feels good.As said Ana (scba),I can sleep well too.I´m glad I feel better today.I understand how it feels when someone so close to you is gone for such a long time and another one is off too.That´s how I´ve felt lately,so alone and plus many problems I have to struggle with.Life changes from day to day and we must be strong...and we are...my dear friend!

Love you!

Janka

[Margm]

I did not anticipate the downer that hit me when I bought the five cards today.  I did not even think what a horrible feeling that would just knock me down.  I just should have signed Billy's name too.  And then I saw the cards for the husbands.  We never made a big deal of it, after 54 years, it just "was."  I do have to tell you a funny thing though.  When we were dating, his sister picked out the card and candy.  It was funny because he brought in the heart shaped box of candy.  We had been only dating two months that first Valentine's Day.  He was angry because another boy had sent through the mail a humongous satin covered heart.box of candy.  We never were much about celebrating though.  It was always quiet and peaceful.  Now it is just quiet.