JC@BTOWN Posted March 28, 2016 Report Share Posted March 28, 2016 Easter Sunday was the first holiday without my husband who passed away 2 months ago. What a hard day for me. I know I should be so happy for him that he got to spend Easter up in heaven (oh what a celebration that was) but I am selfish and want him here. I think I cried more yesterday than I have these whole two months. I want no part of holidays or this feeling ever again but I know it's going to happen many more times. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted March 28, 2016 Report Share Posted March 28, 2016 The first "anything" without him is going to be hard JC. So many of those we have to endure. I can only offer that as the years go by, the holidays soften and you will find yourself remembering what they are all about. Birthdays for example are rough for awhile but I now enjoy them and celebrate the life of my wife with happy memories more than sad. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted March 28, 2016 Report Share Posted March 28, 2016 JC Easter was the last of the major holidays that was my first. Those special days are extremely difficult and yes you will cry and don't want to have to do them again. But you made it through it and you will all the other ones too. I wish I could tell you they will get easier, but hopefully someday they will hold good memories that we had in the past. Hugs Joyce 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patty65 Posted March 28, 2016 Report Share Posted March 28, 2016 Dear JC, You are not being selfish to want him with you... there's just no way not to, it is such a brutal loss to bear. Patty 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted March 28, 2016 Report Share Posted March 28, 2016 I don't think any of us are selfish. I can be unreasonable. The month of October is off my calendar. I only have 11 months in a year now. Certifiably insane. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patty65 Posted March 28, 2016 Report Share Posted March 28, 2016 I think we have a free pass to "crazy" for the rest of our lives... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 28, 2016 Report Share Posted March 28, 2016 JC, My husband passed on Father's Day, so by the time I'd endured my firsts without him...4th of July, Labor Day, my birthday, our anniversary, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's Day, and Easter started approaching, I major rebelled! I declared there be "No Easter!" that year and my kids were supportive of that. In spite of it always being one of my most important/favorite religious holidays, I stayed home and chose to totally ignore the day. The following weekend I had my kids up for dinner so they wouldn't feel they missed something, but no mention was made of Easter that year. I made it through all of the special days since, without him, but that first year was truly hard. My thoughts are with each of you new in this journey. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted March 29, 2016 Report Share Posted March 29, 2016 On 3/28/2016 at 4:29 PM, Marg M said: I don't think any of us are selfish. I can be unreasonable. The month of October is off my calendar. I only have 11 months in a year now. Certifiably insane. My Connor died October 21st, 2015.........I am already dreading October.......I'll be certifiable with you in spirit. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC@BTOWN Posted March 29, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2016 thank you all, I know this is apart of the dang process but we sure don't have to like it. I did start going to a support group which meets on Thursdays and I went to my first one last week. I will go a couple more times to see if it's "for me" or not. All the people in the group are a few years into their loss and I don't know if being around emotions is going to be good for me or not, especially if the majority of them are still feeling the same pain as if it happened yesterday.. Does that make sense? I don't want to have anyone think that I think their is a time frame on how we move forward or how long we go through the process because everyone is different. I had my husbands and my Christmas picture on my phones home screen since he died, I had to take it off today because it was too painful to look at. I still have his pictures every where in the house and all of that but the phone picture had to go... I took our wedding bands and my engagement ring to the jewelry to design a necklace that my daughter can wear when she marries and my son can carry in his pocket on the day he marries, there are just thinks that I have to do to feel like I am moving forward, not forgetting but moving forward because if I do not, my mind can get dark and I don't want that.. I hope I am making sense and I hope I don't offend anyone, just trying to do what's best for me and my brain.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Polly Posted March 30, 2016 Report Share Posted March 30, 2016 This was the first Easter without my husband. My 16 yr old and I drove 3 and a half hours to spend time with my family. Yes, it was hard but I think I would have had a harder time if I would have stayed home. My husband loved spending time with my family. I had an ever harder time coming back home. I didn't want to come back here. Back to the reality that he isn't here. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC@BTOWN Posted March 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2016 Polly, that's a good idea to get out of the house during these times and I think I will do that next time. My kids and I were saying we might take a trip during Christmas. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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