Margm Posted April 16, 2016 Report Share Posted April 16, 2016 Today the sun is not out. Today is Saturday, a dreaded Saturday. Tomorrow will be six months. So, I will post something from my daughter this morning. There are a lot more, but I will only put three. This was Billy's new camera, so maybe he is part of it also. It was overcast yesterday. She was up (actually she is a vampire and sleeps days), but she got on the road early. East Texas is only a few miles from Minden. Billy and I used to ride the road through Karnack, Texas where Lady Bird grew up and go on up to Uncertain, Texas and put the boat in Caddo Lake. Lady Bird Johnson put something to works in Texas about planting wild flowers all along the roadways. They are beautiful. No sun today, but sun yesterday along with big billowing clouds and a pretty sunrise. I think my daughter takes a little photographic extra with her photos, but she said she did not with these. I wonder. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted April 16, 2016 Report Share Posted April 16, 2016 The pictures are all great but that first one is amazing. Those bright flowers contrasting the dark skies overhead. Kind of a metaphor for the grief journeys we are all on. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted April 16, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2016 Yeah Mitch, I always want to add a little levity, but today the tears are having to be fought back. I guess this is a setback. I knew I was not "over it." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted April 16, 2016 Report Share Posted April 16, 2016 Marg, we will never be "over it", you know that. Too much love for that to ever happen. And don't hold back on those tears, they are a sign of your deep, everlasting love of your boy, Billy. Setback? Nah, it's the ebb and flow of grief. You are a special person. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted April 16, 2016 Report Share Posted April 16, 2016 Marg, the pictures are absolutely beautiful. Hard to believe they are real!! I understand the feeling of setbacks, I've been having them all this week for some reason and have been letting the tears flow this week, like Mitch said. It is all part of the ups and downs of this grief journey. Will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending you hugs. Joyce 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted April 16, 2016 Report Share Posted April 16, 2016 I never know what to make of time anymore. I'm so sorry, Marg, that you have been away from Billy for 6 months. I haven't found it to get any easier yet, it just keeps shifting on me. 6 months, a year, now almost 18 months. I seem to miss him more now because I have been without him so long. Really feeling that emptiness. Like you, we were get together decades. Love is not defined by years, but damn! After 38 years of being in my life, the day to day act of living with him is so engrained. Changes have been made of course. They are just so new and feel really wierd. There's a rebellion going on in my heart that this isn't right. My mind keeps going back to what we would be doing at certain times. Hang in there, purple witchy one! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Polly Posted April 16, 2016 Report Share Posted April 16, 2016 Those pictures are beautiful!!!! Thanks for sharing. I didn't realize we are about the same place in this hell. It will be 6 months for me in 19 days. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted April 16, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2016 @Polly, Billy passed the morning of October 17, 2015. Don't like the month, the day or the year. Hate seeing it in print, but there it is. Mitch, Joyce, Gwen and Polly, it seems like a lot of years at 54, but it was not enough. Just think, Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip will be married 70 years in 2017, I think. They are in this week's People magazine. My mom is only a few days older than Prince Philip. I guess we don't get what we want and I am selfish. Some of my friends did not make it this long. I know I should be grateful, and I am really, but I would have liked it better if we had gone like Doug Flutie's parents. Cannot have everything I guess. I read the statistics and Gosh, there are a lot of us people suffering out there. I don't think misery really loves company, and we always think, but this is me. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted April 16, 2016 Report Share Posted April 16, 2016 Misery loves company HERE. It's a wierd thing to say, but if I didn't know others felt as I do or did, I'd be committed by now! But there is hood here too. A hope we can understand that the work can't give us anymore. Hope from seeing our friends make strides towards it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted April 16, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2016 That is true Gwen. Most days I feel certifiable though. And, sometimes I like the feeling. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marsha Posted April 16, 2016 Report Share Posted April 16, 2016 I am absolutely well acquainted with the "certifiable" feeling, marg. Not so much now, but in the first year/two years? Hell, yes. And I also understand about liking the feeling. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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