Absence minded, or absence of mind?

[Margm]

I wrote this on my Kindle and it disappeared.  How many times did Michelangelo have to recreate the fresco on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel?  I will try again. 

First off, totally off subject, we are again deluged with rains in Louisiana, and worse in south Texas.  Bumper crop of crawdads/crayfish/mudbugs, or whatever you call them.  I don't eat them, but lots of other people do.  I might have to delay going back to "de house."

I am not afraid to go to a shrink.  If you are familiar with any of my posts, you know I carry the diagnosis of chronic depression and I no longer take antidepressants because of the ruptured colon from the long ago radiation.  That aside, I have problems with my memory. This has been more of a problem since Billy left.  Up until then, I think it goes along with age.  I am not trying to delude myself, but I read it is a problem with grief.  I do not have space and do not want to bore you with the many times, but sometimes a bit of paranoia slips in.  Of course you know my house has been taken over by relatives and nothing is where I left it, if I remember where I left it to begin with.  I do not prepare meals and buy a minimum of groceries.  I missed two glass cooking pans and did not voice my paranoia.  A breakthrough!!!  I remembered giving them to my daughter before Billy left, we were getting rid of things to live in the small RV.  But, you also, no, I also have to remember that my mom has Alzheimer's, and she will be 95 in June.  Still, in the back of my wax covered brain is that fear. 

I will start moving May 6th.  I know I will have it finished by June 1st.  I will be moving our king sized bed.  I will just buy a new mattress cover.  I have to move it.  Not just for memories, but because it has a new beautiful purple and red bedspread and shams that I cannot remember buying.

[mittam99]

Marg, none of our memories are improving with age. Just saying. I sometimes forget who I am until I look down at my name badge. Ok, I'm exaggerating, but just a tad. And you're right, grief seems to play with our minds and we lose our focus and concentration; we are more forgetful at times.

I am marveling at how you are handling all that life is throwing at you these days. You are a remarkable lady.

Off Topic and on the subject of shellfish (since you mentioned crayfish) ... looks like our Chesapeake Bay is going to be filled with a bumper crop of our yummy blue crabs this season. Which reminds me of how much Tammy loved those crabs steamed and my homemade crab cakes. There's nothing like sharing a table (covered in newspaper) cracking those crabs to get to the succulent meat and washing it down with an ice cold beer. Uh oh, now I've made myself hungry. Be back later.

[Guest]

Marg,

My boys used to love catching crawdads and boiling them up.  Throw in some cocktail sauce and they're very much like shrimp.  Too much work for me as it takes a bunch to make a meal.  I'll buy shrimp at the store if I want shellfish.

[Margm]

Now I love crab legs, lobster and shrimp.  I used to crawfish in our little pond as a kid, and Mama would fry the tails.  That was okay.  My daughter eats the crawfish like a true Cajun. 

[mittam99]

Marg, you have to try some Chesapeake Bay blue crabs, they are guaranteed to put a smile on your face.

Tammy used to love this mug:

[Margm]

I love it too.  I might come to the east coast one day.  I just cannot go back to mine and Billy's west.  I used to say "Lord willing and the creek don't rise."  I don't say that anymore. 

[kayc]

I used to catch crawdads with my dad when I was a kid.  I remember he dared me to with my bare hands, said he'd pay me $1 apiece for each one I caught, I surprised him by catching a whole lot of them, which we came home and cooked.  They were wonderful!

At least you don't remember saying it anymore!   Playing with ya.  I heard there's a lot of rain there and TX, my best friend moved back to TX, but they're on a hill so weren't adversely affected.

[Margm]

Oh gosh Kay, I don't remember so often, but another problem is repeating things.  I remember my mammaw repeating herself and my aunts and uncles all saying "Mama, you just said that."  She would just look puzzled.  That look is frozen on my face.

[Patty65]

Here's the other take on it. I've been forgetful always.  Ron helped me come up with strategies, but ultimately accepted that his lot in life was to help me find my stuff, and he embraced it.  Now when I meet people (or hire people), I say, "I'm messy when I'm working, and I forget things" Ron loved me anyways, they can love it or leave it

But I was told when I was very young by a dear family friend who was like a second mom to me, that forgetting (and misspelling) are signs of intelligence.  You aren't bothered with the little things, you are too busy thinking about the bigger, more important things.  So, you are not forgetful, you are simply intelligent   Why not run with it?

[MartyT]

Why not, indeed, Patty! This is an example of positive reframing: "trying to reconsider things in a positive light, and it is a powerful way to transform your thinking." ♥  

[Margm]

I know some people ask us how we feel, say things that they should not, but tonight one of my friends wrote me that I was a "Steel Magnolia."  I think I am the Shirley MacLaine character.  I had mentioned to my friends that it was tough getting things together to move.  The comments I received were all encouraging.  So far, no one has been openly mean to me or criticized me to my face.  Probably because most all of them are like the people on this forum, understanding, going through hell themselves and know to just keep on going.  

[iPraiseHim]

On 4/20/2016 at 11:57 AM, mittam99 said:

Marg, you have to try some Chesapeake Bay blue crabs, they are guaranteed to put a smile on your face.

Tammy used to love this mug:

My wife loved the blue crabs. We would get a dozen.  Spread newspapers over the table.  I would help her crack them so she would have a feast.  I preferred, shrimp, king and snow crabs.  Thanks, Mitch.  You brought back a sweet memory of happier times.  Shalom - George

 

[Margm]

This amazing artist (Celeste Roberge) found a way to convey the physical feeling of grief.

I can certainly identify with the rocks in  the head part.

[marsha]

Marg - I have big bleeping black holes in my memory of the first year. I've had my best friend relate conversations we had, and I'm thinking (picture big question mark over my head like a cartoon) wha?? I think because I had that movie reel of the last days going on in my head 24/7, and having to actually work and make a living, there wasn't much room for anything else. Not to mention that freaking hamster brain that started at 1:00 am every night. I hate that hamster. It's normal, normal, normal! Take care, Marsha

[Margm]

Marsha, the first few months I woke at 1:00, now sometimes I don't go to bed till 2:00 a.m.  I will read books that I can put down and then pick back up.  And, sometimes I stay online for that length of time.  My daughter told me something today that I have no memory of at all.  Like you say, normal, normal, normal.  

[Margm]

Okay, I won't invade any other's thread with this information.  I am finding out the man I was married to for 54 years was a hoarder.  No, I don't clean house.  How was I to know he kept a collection of crochet thread and pieces of animal skins?  I have so much PVC pipe cement bottles that don't even have anything in them.  He has oil bottles for all kinds of engines, I guess, and as much as I hate to throw away Billy's things, somehow I don't think I am going to be doing any crocheting with my shaky hands and I am renting, I will not glue any PVC pipes and won't change my oil, in anything.  I know most of those scraps of stuff was used for making fishing flies, but I cannot tell you the crap that he used to make fishing flies.  I thought I was through with that.  I had a bushel basket/bucket of this stuff but now I find it stuffed back in cabinets.  Just what mice need to make their little mouse houses.  

And, I found a Hot Wheels helicopter.  I would sure like to ask him about that.  

[brat#2]

Marg, I completely understand, Dale saved everything too.  I haven't even begun to clean out his stuff and I'm not sure that I want too, who knows what I'll find, like you!!!  I don't envy you that chore at all, sorry you are having to go through that.  My thoughts are with you and stay strong, is all I can say.

Joyce

 

[kayc]

Margaret, I'm sorry, I know how hard that is to deal with.  My kids' dad collected everything, then divorced me and left me to deal with it...much of which I still have.  I spent a long time getting rid of his empty containers, bungee cords, etc. but some of the stuff is up in the garage rafters where I can't get to, or too heavy to deal with.  I finally got rid of one of the archaic machines this year.  Just saying, I understand.   I wish George was here to help me clean it out.