If You're Going Through Hell

[kayc]

Me too.

[Margm]

This has to have been on here before.  It was in my memories of four  years ago on Facebook.  Really, four years ago I read it, posted it, but did not even try to understand it.  I do now.  I got notice in my email of losing another classmate.  I  had not seen her in nearly 60 years, so I will remember her at 17, though from her obituary she too had lost her husband and she had had 2-3 children, she had many relatives and enjoyed reading her Bible and looking at the lake from her front porch.  

[kayc]

1 hour ago, Marg M said:

 

I love Henri Nouwen.  I needed this just now, even if it is a dog.

[brat#2]

Well, I'm spending another anniversary alone.  Today 37 years ago, I  married the love of my life, my soulmate.  I remember this day being filled with so much happiness and excitement for what my new life was going to hold.  Now it's just filled with sadness and our future plans and dreams all gone and wish that I could still have an adventure with him.  It's my 5th anniversary without him and I still think he will walk through that door.   I guess in a way he is still walking through my door as he is always in my heart and my mind.  I love and miss you Dale and wishing you a Happy Anniversary in Heaven, you are my heart and soul and always will be.

 

[Margm]

I'm so sorry.  On the 17th, visions of that morning kept moving like a slow film through my mind.  I can remember the moment, the thought of "what do people do when this happens" going through my mind, gotta call our kids, don't know what to do, no, he cannot be gone, no, I'm okay, just "you know" leave me alone, let me think, no, I don't want to think, no this cannot be happening.  And then..........it's the 17th.......everyone else thinks it is another day.  Someone mentioned "gone for good" and you wonder "why is it 'good?"  

This whole month has been bad.  I dreaded my most favorite month of the year.  You will do the same.  So will we all.  You fall in love with someone, you fuss, you have terrible times, sickness, money problems, other insignificant things that at the moment seemed like mountains.  I still, when I am just riding around, going from one place to the next, I think, "well, it would be nice to live there wouldn't it Billy?"  Then I think, "been there, done that."  I miss my  best friend ever.  I was/am him, he was/is me. 

I'm sorry if this month provides a bad time.  Your in good/bad company.............we do understand, unfortunately.  

[brat#2]

Marg, you must be in my mind, that's exactly what has been going through my mind.  Thanks for understanding and stating what I couldn't.

[Gwenivere]

Oh Joyce,  such a hard day.  I wish I knew what to say.  Marg wrote the best expression of compassion.  We will always want it all back, good and bad.  We also are far enough down the road to see them as they truly were, not the saints it felt like at first and see how much we truly loved them, for real.  Faults and talents.   Wish I could offer more than virtual hugs.  

[Margm]

Joyce, Gwen, all of you, you are on my minds so often.  Gin, where is Gin?  So many I wonder where they are now.  Kevin, you live in a paradise.  Kevin, Kay, Gwen, and where is Cookie in the NC mountains, and so many more.  Anyhow, have not had to turn our heat on yet.  Know y'all are wet and cold.  

 

I don't like October.

[Margm]

Didn't promise us we would have fun.  

[Gwenivere]

I know Gin and Kevin are around.  Don’t know how Cookie’s doing.  Darryl is missing too.  It’s always odd when 'the family' gets disrupted.   I just hope it’s for the good.  

[kayc]

Joyce, I'm glad for you the day is over, just had mine Saturday (when I adopted the biting dog).  It's sure not what we signed up for.

[scba]

I'm here, hi everyone.

This has been a horrible year, that's why I've been missing posting. But I keep coming to hear from you

You all are in my thoughts and prayers. 

Ana

[Gwenivere]

Ana!  So good to see you!  I’m sorry to hear you have been having a horrible year.  I hope you’ll post if there is anything we can do or at least listen.  💖

[scba]

Thanks Gwen for asking

I am currently victim, if that is the word, of mobbing at work. Plus, my parents relationship is getting worse. Both events have affected me deeply. I feel I'm close to break like a stick. 

I can't believe God ripped me from my love, from the best gift He gave me, and left me now surrounded by mean and evil people. What have I done to deserve this?

I feel so vulnerable, sad, alone, isolated defeated. It is unfair. I thought I have suffered enough. I was wrong. 

Ana

 

[kayc]

Oh Ana, no!  I am so sorry!  Yes we'd noticed you missing, but i never dreamed anything like this.  We're here for you if you ever want to talk.

I am currently being stalked and it is anything but funny.  Apparently if there's been no physical contact or threat made there's not much can be done, but I am beyond furious and having my boundaries so blatantly disregarded.

I'm not sure what mobbing at work entails but I assure you that you have done nothing to deserve any of this.  Do you mean your parents' relationship with another is worsening?

[Gwenivere]

Well, this has got to come close to hell.  I’m in the ER for the 2nd day as I left yesterday after waiting over 4 hours and no indication I would be anytime soon.  I couldn’t leave my dogs locked up for more unknown hours.

I’m stuck in here now after repeated tests from a week ago.  Found out my thyroid is worse again from dropping dosage from side effects.  Now new instructions.  Had to call my reluctant 'friend' to go feed my dogs.  I hate hate hate this being so alone.  But I get to go home now.  I was afraid of being admitted and I couldn’t do that with no support.  Thanks for getting me thru this.  I typed and retyped a lot to keep me sane.  So good knowing you are all here.  

[Margm]

I've taken my sister around midnight and my granddaughter yesterday morning at 6:00 a..m.  Both seen fast, Bri possibly has UTI, but could keep no food down so think she had a stomach virus.  She had either 101.2 or 102.1 temp (cannot remember) so I figured we better go.  Got seen right away both times and they were very nice.  Hope you do not have to go so often Gwen, I feel for you.  My daughter took herself at 3:00 a.m. last night.  She had lifted too much moving.  Cannot hold that gal down.  I'm not going to let her move a thing when I move starting November 1st.  She has that shot every Monday to build her immune system back up and it gives her a headache for days.  I'm sure that radiation to her head did not help things.  It seems sometimes "all God's chillens got troubles."  (Mama used to say that).  

[widow'15]

1 hour ago, Gwenivere said:

Well, this has got to come close to hell.  I’m in the ER for the 2nd day as I left yesterday after waiting over 4 hours and no indication I would be anytime soon.  I couldn’t leave my dogs locked up for more unknown hours.

I’m stuck in here now after repeated tests from a week ago.  Found out my thyroid is worse again from dropping dosage from side effects.  Now new instructions.  Had to call my reluctant 'friend' to go feed my dogs.  I hate hate hate this being so alone.  But I get to go home now.  I was afraid of being admitted and I couldn’t do that with no support.  Thanks for getting me thru this.  I typed and retyped a lot to keep me sane.  So good knowing you are all here.  

Gwen:  So wish I could drive I-5 to Seattle to help you and your fur babies.  I hate being so useless when there is so much help needed for you.  Each time I leave my dog home for a simple grocery shopping trip or doctor appointment I always fear should I get in an accident would my neighbors know my dog is alone in the house.  I can't imagine being ill with the added worry of care for your dogs.  Hoping you will soon be through this health issue.

This being alone when we're healthy is a bummer, but when health fails us, alone is darn scary. Hugs and good wishes.  Dee  

[widow'15]

5 hours ago, kayc said:

I am currently being stalked and it is anything but funny.  Apparently if there's been no physical contact or threat made there's not much can be done, but I am beyond furious and having my boundaries so blatantly disregarded.

kayc:  Are you saying there is someone following you?  Male or Female?  This is frightening.  Has this stalker started since Arlie left?  My Maddie alerts me when someone is in my driveway.  Her barking gives me a sense of not being so alone.  Take care and hoping another Arlie comes your way before too long.  Dee 

[kayc]

He tried to find my place but couldn't.  He calls me constantly, even though I've told him not to.  It's someone from my senior site, 85 year old man, he's from my table, I've known him about a year, I thought we were all friends, but friends respect boundaries.  I may have to quit going, it just started this week but it's way over the top (he called 11 times Wed. when I was trying to do my Colonoscopy prep, and also the next day when I was doing prep).  I've blocked him from calling but it doesn't work if I'm already on the phone, and it still rings in once.  It is creeping me out because I don't know what he'll do next, and yes, I miss my Arlie.  No one could hurt me with my Arlie and he was more than an alarm, he'd scare them half to death!

[kevin]

My son gave me some football tickets for tonight(because my grandson had to work, appears I was last minute replacement), so talked in Lady friend to freeze with me tonight......Temperature to be below freezing but good thing is I'm bussed to and from the City........My furnace is on almost everynight, AC off for next 6 months, and I'm looking for my snow shovel....Snow tires on...Gwen hope your feeling better.....

[widow'15]

2 hours ago, kayc said:

He tried to find my place but couldn't.  He calls me constantly, even though I've told him not to.  It's someone from my senior site, 85 year old man, he's from my table, I've known him about a year, I thought we were all friends, but friends respect boundaries.  I may have to quit going, it just started this week but it's way over the top (he called 11 times Wed. when I was trying to do my Colonoscopy prep, and also the next day when I was doing prep).  I've blocked him from calling but it doesn't work if I'm already on the phone, and it still rings in once.  It is creeping me out because I don't know what he'll do next, and yes, I miss my Arlie.  No one could hurt me with my Arlie and he was more than an alarm, he'd scare them half to death!

kayc:  This is "creepy".  Do you feel comfortable sharing this information with your closest neighbor and giving them a call should this person finally find your home.  He sounds insistent.  I know you keep your eyes wide open on your rear view mirror when you drive home from the senior site.  

This is one of those times when we widows appreciate our "nosey neighbors" watching out for us.  Please take care.  Dee

[kayc]

Actually...I spent two hours trying to photograph the phone calls on my landline,which was harder than you'd think because it would state Albany before blinking back to the phone number, and I wanted to get the phone number with the date and time, clear enough to read.  I documented three days=18 phone calls...the first day being the one that proved to be the last straw and the second day the one where i told him not to call me anymore and he did, and the third day continuing to do so.  Then I had to open each one separately in Paint and make it 20% of it's size.  I am NOT a photographer or I probably could have set my camera settings to smaller but i don't know how.  Anyway, I got that all done and still need to print them out.

I got done and walked up to the road to go get Joe and walk him, and here the guy was in front of my house! I was livid!  I told him to LEAVE ME ALONE and that I'm documenting this!  He looked kind of stunned but when I first saw him he was smiling.  What a disrespectful creep!  I continued walking and he must have turned around and drove off.  I asked my neighbor if he saw him (neighbor was outside, across the street) and he said, you mean the guy with the blue Ford that drove by four times?  I said yes and told him what was going on.  He's a new neighbor and I heard he was a retired deputy, IDK, but he took off after him in his truck to "have a chat", not sure if he caught him or not but he WILL chat with him if he sees him again.  Oh and he's a big burly guy with an even bigger truck.  Makes me appreciate neighbors.  ANY of my neighbors would look out for me.  I wish Arlie was still here, he'd scare the snot out of him.

 

[Gwenivere]

Glad you have that new neighbor, Kay.  I can’t imagine having to deal with someone doing that to me.  I’d be calling the police constantly.  Can you complain to the telephone company or carrier you have?   Maybe they can block his number?   Suggesting you might cancel often work wonders.  Sure doesn’t seem it should have to fall on the victim to do all the work.

[kayc]

I know, it makes me mad that I have to waste all my time on this.  The phone company is worthless, too big, can't get a real person and they'd just tell me to change my number, I've had it for 42 years and don't want to, I just want him to respect boundaries.  Getting there...damn if I don't miss Arlie though.  He'd jump up (about six feet high) and seriously scare him to death!  His teeth could look frightening when he was in guard dog mode!  Yeah, I'm glad to have the new neighbor too.  Him and his wife are building a new home, just got through tearing down the old place.