struggling with why?

[Jgillen]

Hello, I am new to this group and very thankful that I have found this support.   I am moving slowly out of shock and now really struggling with the 'why did this happen?'  My husband passed away one month ago.  He went to the hospital for a pain in his leg and the drs said it was a clot, a muscle protein issue... everything but a bacterial infection.  24 hours later, they were doing CPR on him.  He had a flesh-eating bacteria and it was poisoning his system.  He was life-flighted to a bigger hospital where they amputated several parts of his body in an effort to save his life.  And it was too late to save him.  I stayed by his side until they turned the machines off.  I am angry.  I am confused.  He was a wonderful father to our 4 and 6 year old.  He enjoyed his children.  We did everything together.  He read to our children every night.  He took care of himself.  He wanted to live.  I will never forget telling my 6 year old daughter that daddy went to heaven and the look of sadness on her face.  I am in the process  of helping my 4 year old son understand what's happening.  I still catch myself hoping that I will wake up from this nightmare.  I have started with one on one therapy and plan to attend another support group in person.  I just needed to share my story.  Thank you.

[mittam99]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My wife Tammy died unexpectedly on March 6, 2015. She had just been sent home after a prolonged hospital and rehab stay and a day and a half later, she was gone. 

Losing our spouses, our soul mates, is not only life changing it makes you question everything you once took for granted and believed. As to the "why" question, I still ask that almost daily. There is no answer. There is only confusion and pain and anguish.

It's only been a month for you, honestly the shock hasn't even worn off. It's good that you are seeing a grief counselor. Seek support from understanding family and friends and continue posting here at the forum. It will help. This is a wonderful resource filled with empathetic members.

Thank you for your post and again my sincere condolences on the loss of your beloved husband.

 

[kayc]

Jgillen,

I am sorry you lost your young husband and your kids their father.  I don't know that there are any answers to your "why", I never found any for myself and finally quit asking.  We are here to listen as you share...

I'm glad you're seeing a counselor.  I hope you have supportive people around you.

[brat#2]

Jgillen

I too am sorry for the loss of your husband.  As stated above, the why question is something I believe we all go through and still go through.  Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be any answers for that.  It's good that you are seeing a counselor and a support group and that you have that option.  Also, coming here and posting and reading other posts does help and makes you realize you are not alone in this journey.  You will find wonderful, caring people here.

Joyce

 

[KATPILOT]

Yes Jgillen welcome and I am sorry for why you found your way here. Such a horrific thing that indeed leaves you with the "why's". One day at a time, things will make better sense one day.

Stephen

[Jgillen]

thank you all so much!  This support really helps.

 

[Margm]

Jgillen, somewhere in this vast forum i let my "run-on" fingers ask this same question "why?"  My "why's" seem so superficial compared to yours and I cannot even imagine the depth of your "why."  I think sometimes we just have no answers.  A while back there was someone her husband had been murdered and she had little children.  I don't know if she came back on the forum.  All I can tell you is the people on this forum have the biggest hearts in the world and Marty always has some article that helps.  I am so sorry for your loss and your children's loss.  

So many "why's" and no answers.  I am so sorry.  

 

[Jgillen]

thank you Marg!!  And I'm so sorry for your loss.  No matter how we lose our loved ones, it is hard.   Thank you.

[Polly]

Welcome Jgillen! I'm also so sorry for you loss. I also lost my husband suddenly a little over 6 months ago. I think all of us have asked why. I also will never forget the reaction from my youngest daughter who was 15 at the time when I came home from the hospital 2 days before Rich passed and had to tell her that there was nothing the dr's could do.

[R.Everit55]

Jgillen I'm so sorry for your loss.  You and your kids are in my prayers.  

Butch 

[MartyT]

My dear, I too am so very sorry for your loss, for the horrible way your dear husband died, and for the fact that you are left alone with two little ones who are way too young to be without their daddy. 

As you come to know us here, you will find a wealth of information, comfort and support. Because your grief is so fresh, I don't want to bombard you with too much information too soon. Still, since you say you're "now really struggling with the why did this happen?" I want to share this article with you, along with links to some Related Articles you'll find underneath: Why? Why Me? Searching for Answers in Grief

When you are ready, I can also point you to some articles containing suggestions for helping your children through this tragic loss. But for now, please know that the best way you can take care of your children's grief is to take care of your own grief first. You're already doing that by working with a therapist and finding support in a group ~ and we are here for you as well. You are not alone, and I hope you can feel our collective arms around you as we welcome you with warm and caring hearts.  ♥

[Finch]

Hi Jgillen. I am very sorry for your loss. In a short space of time, I have found the people in this place to be empathetic, supportive and a source of comfort at my lower points, and I hope you find the same.

[Jgillen]

thank you all so much.  I have found some comfort in reading about grief, so I will check out those articles, Marty.  Thank you!