R.Everit55 Posted June 9, 2016 Report Share Posted June 9, 2016 Tonight marks 17 months since ALS stole my beautiful bride from me. I look at my son and grandsons and new granddaughter and I see my Mary in all of them. This should and does warm my heart. But at the same time my stomach hurts and my heart breaks because she should be here by my side watching our family grow. I know her job is to hold the twins (ours and our sons twins) she has her arms full in heaven with four babies. I'm jealous of heaven but I know my place is here with our son and the grands. But I'm hurting. And today nothing is easing the pain. My son is hurting too. He misses his momma. He wants her here to see his new daughter. And see his two boys growing bigger. It's just all so bittersweet but today it's much more bitter than sweet. I went to church this morning and lit a candle in Marys memory. I spoke with the Father who married us and who also did the mass for Marys memorial. He also baptized our son and grandsons. He will baptize Gracie in the future. I'm typing this as Gracie sleeps on my lap. I'm sticking extra close to my sweet girl today for comfort. The boys are playing outside. They don't much speak of their Grammy. They do on some days. Im just rambling. My heart feels broken today. Tonight will be hard as I remember her last moments in my arms. I go through this every month on the 9th. I don't know when it gets easier. Maybe not ever. Maybe it's not meant to? Butch. PS. Gracie is just over eight pounds now. Her smiles melt my heart. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 9, 2016 Report Share Posted June 9, 2016 Butch, we rejoice with you at Gracie's weight! At some point you may have to put her on a diet! Just kidding... That's a GOOD thought though considering where she was a month ago. I know it's hard remembering Mary's last moments every 9th of the month...but when you catch yourself reliving it all, try to stop it and change it for a happy memory with her. A memory of a common evening with her, where you're cuddled up watching t.v. or when you got attached to Little Dog. You have been through a lifetime of memories with her, and I know you saw more than your share of tragedy, but tonight try to think of the good memories, the favorite times you shared. Peace to you, dear friend, you're in my prayers. (And I'm glad you got that candle lit) 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted June 9, 2016 Report Share Posted June 9, 2016 Thoughts and prayers are with you, Butch. These special days are so hard. Gin 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted June 9, 2016 Report Share Posted June 9, 2016 There is something special about a grandchild. You hold in your arms a new life as you feel the loss of another. Bitter sweet though it may be Butch, it's still love and love can hold one together sometimes when they need it most. I wish sometimes there was a tag like the "like" button but implied being touched by a post because I so feel what you wrote. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 9, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 9, 2016 Thank you all ❤️ 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 12, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 12, 2016 In light of the tragedy in Orlando I look at our Gracie and only see innocence and hope. She is a miracle. My heart aches for the families of the murdered and injured. What is this world coming to. Hate has to stop. Our children are the future. My grandsons and granddaughter are our future. But the hate has to end. Or what kind of future will they have. If you have someone to hug or say I love you to then please do it because tomorrow is not promised. As we all know all too well. Peace Butch 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2016 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 13, 2016 Report Share Posted June 13, 2016 OMG, Butch, that is my favorite yet! She's growing up so fast! Way too cute! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted June 13, 2016 Report Share Posted June 13, 2016 Oh, my, goodness ~ my heart just melted. So precious. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted June 13, 2016 Report Share Posted June 13, 2016 Beautiful, Butch. Thanks for sharing. We need some happy things in our lives. Gin 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 15, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 15, 2016 My Gracie girl is 15weeks 2days old and is amazing us all as she's doing what every almost four month old does inspite of her prematurity Im one proud Grampy. Though very sad Grammy isn't here to share in this miracle Butch 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted June 15, 2016 Report Share Posted June 15, 2016 It's the very definition of bittersweet, dear Butch ~ and we all understand. She is SUCH a darling ~ our own little miracle ~ and we all just love her to pieces! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted June 15, 2016 Report Share Posted June 15, 2016 Butch, seeing those pictures of the beautiful and healthy Gracie, one word pops into my head... Superstar! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 15, 2016 Report Share Posted June 15, 2016 I can already tell she's going to be the apple of her grandpa's eye! Speaking of, how are the boys doing? Is Caleb healed yet? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 15, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 15, 2016 yes Caleb in the water is all healed. Noah is in sand running. They love the beach. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted June 16, 2016 Report Share Posted June 16, 2016 Butch, I love the picture of Gracie in the yellow dress. She looks as if she is waiting to join the conversation. I confess that I am a sucker for baby clothes. Ron and I used to "adopt" two children at Christmas from the Angel Tree. I always chose the babies just so I could buy the clothes. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 16, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 16, 2016 My grandsons at the ocean. Caleb 8 and Noah 11. Caleb is huge almost as tall as his older brother. . Gracie resembles Caleb a lot. And Noah a little. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 16, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 16, 2016 Little Miss Gracie has found her feet. She won't stop chewing on them. She has been rolling over a lot too. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2016 Gracie overload... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 18, 2016 Report Share Posted June 18, 2016 Oh Butch, these are just precious, I love her smile! Considering we've been praying for her survival, I can't tell you how touched I am by these pictures of a very healthy baby girl! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 18, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2016 Thank you Kay. She's a little priceless princess. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted June 18, 2016 Report Share Posted June 18, 2016 Our Gracie is a miniature fashion plate! Loving all those different outfits, Butch ~ and that million dollar smile 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted June 18, 2016 Report Share Posted June 18, 2016 Butch, thanks so much for the overload of little Gracie pics. She's so precious. I've been having an extremely hard time the past month. Going through my birthday, Mother's Day and Tammy's birthday (all in a one month period) has me feeling so alone and in so much pain. And that's why I look forward to reading something positive about Gracie's health or seeing a photo of her smiling face. I know how hard it is for you to be without your precious Mary. But, you are very blessed to have such a wonderful family surrounding you. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 22, 2016 Gracie is at the hospital. She woke very early this morning vomiting and very hot. Then she had a seizure so Allen called 911 and they got 105.7 for her temp. She had a febrile seizure. She's being monitored and had a CT and a few other tests because she was a premie to make certain this was all just from a virus and her fever. It keeps spiking but she's responsive and cuddly and even smiling lots. She's a little miracle. Almost four months old and been through too much already. They will keep her tonight for more observation. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 22, 2016 Oh and she weighs an awesome 13.4 lbs! ❤️ 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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