How can I help my husbands best friend grieve his death?

[thatwasthen]

thatwasthen

 

[kayc]

I'm sorry you lost your husband.  Even though separated, you had history together and it has to be hard.

I want to caution you getting this close to someone who is married when both of you are grieving and vulnerable, especially since he is not feeling supported from his wife and you undoubtedly were feeling some of that when your husband and you were separated.  It'd be very easy to turn to each other and that's not a good situation.  If there is a friendship, it should not exclude his wife.  He will make his way through his grief and right now you have your hands full with your own grief.  A better way of dealing with this might be each of you seeing your own grief counselor, someone specially trained in grief to help you see your way through this.

I'm sorry your husband's family has cut you loose, I hope in time that changes, they are undoubtedly grieving heavily themselves.  Is there something of his that you can present to them, perhaps like a peace offering, making the first step?

[CharKath]

Hi that was then. I'm sorry for your loss too. And kayc is right, sounds like a slippery slope your approaching. I think too you should seek counsel seperatly. Things might get out of hand and I'm sure neither if you would want that.

[thatwasthen]

 

thatwasthen

[MartyT]

My dear, you say that "the only comfort I can find is by talking to his best friend" ~ and perhaps that is because that is the only place you're looking for support. There are many other alternatives. See, for example, the Related Articles and Resources listed beneath the article, Disenfranchised Grief: When An Ex-Spouse Dies. See also Finding Grief Support That Is Right For You. As I just suggested in another post, having insufficient funds to see a grief counselor should not be reason enough to go without useful information and support. With access to the Internet, you have at your fingertips dozens upon dozens of resources, many of them offered at no cost. 

You also say "I just want my friend to be okay." It seems to me that you would do well to put the focus on yourself and your own well-being right now, rather than worrying so much about your friend's welfare. Whatever grief he feels is his to address, just as you must address your own.

You might take a look at these articles as well:

Grief and The Burden of Guilt

Guilt and Regret in Grief

[Margm]

Marty, I think Billy found you for me three days after his death.  I welcome all your advice, it never lets me down.  Thank you for being here.

[MartyT]

♥