Sad to be a new member here.

[Massgal]

My wonderful husband, Rex, lost his 2-1/2 year cancer battle  3 weeks ago. Besides the crushing grief, I am also dealong with a financial nightmare. I work, but Rex was the breadwinner. Because of his illness, he was unable to work most of the last few years. We went through everything just to survive. Now I am left with a house I can't afford. What's worse, it's underwater. Everyone says I should be taking time to grieve, but I also have so much anxiety about finances. I relied on Rex for everything. He was my rock, and now I don't even have him to go through all this with. I never knew how much grief affected you physically. I can barely put one foot in front of the other.

[KATPILOT]

Massgal I'm so sorry. I know it's not much comfort but welcome. Lot's of caring people call this place home. You found a good safe place to come. So many things you mention have been part of our lives too. In time things will work out. First, take care of yourself.

[Guest]

Massgal-

I, also, am so sorry to hear about your loss.  Cancer is an insidious disease that wreaks havoc on the lives of all it touches.  I am also sorry to hear that your grief is complicated by finances; it is not an uncommon theme here.  Welcome to the forum and I hope you can find the kind of solace and wisdom I have found here.  And as Steve says, it is so important to take care of yourself first and foremost.  The finances will work themselves out in time but be kind to yourself for right now.

Brad

[Massgal]

I realize that I am also dealing with the trauma of the last few years. Lengthy hospitalizations, feeding tubes, etc. Long drives to the hospital in Boston for 2 months. Trips to the ER. Working full time and being his caregiver. Of course, while it was all happening, you just rise up and do it. And I would do it again in a heartbeat. We had a lovely life together and now I am adrift.

[Guest]

MassGAL-

My Deedo fought lung cancer for seventeen months complete with feeding tubes, trips to the ED, multiple hospitalizations.  I was able to retire to become here full time caregiver.  We were also forced into moving from our home at 7,000 ft elevation to Mesa for the last five months.  You're correct about rising up and doing it and I too would do it again in a heartbeat, no regrets there.  For you it's been less than a month since your precious Rex died, for me I'm coming up on eleven months this Wednesday.  Know that things do get better.  I'm not in as much pain today as I was the first several months.  I still miss her and am still not the man I want to become but I am making progress.  If you haven't already, you may want to look into finding a grief counselor; mine was wonderful.  I also joined a support group and found a good psychiatrist to help me cope with my inability to sleep and eat.  You will find that those of us here tend to be the lucky ones in that our relationships were extraordinary and our spouses were and are truly our soulmates.

[enna]

I am so very sorry that you are here for the reason you are here. We do understand about trauma and the toll it takes on you physically. I hope you have someone to talk with about your financial situation. These are not things that should be done on your own. We are here to listen. I hope you will find a good grief counselor who can help you sort things out. 

Anne

[mittam99]

Massgal,

I'm so sorry you lost your beloved husband, Rex. Losing your soul mate affects you on so many levels, it's simply overwhelming. Right now, try to do the basics. Get your rest and try to eat properly. I know that isn't always as easy as it sounds when your whole life has been turned upside down. I lost my wonderful wife Tammy in March of 2015 after many years of devastating illnesses.  She was my everything and my grief has been difficult and existence changing. And like you I'm in a very difficult place, financially. Many here are blessed in that they don't have the additional burden of living paycheck to paycheck as I do. Tammy lost her life insurance because she was so sick that we didn't have the money left to pay her premiums.

Early on I knew it would be a struggle to pay bills so what I did was cut back where I could cut back. No more premium cable, cheaper phone and plan, try to use less water and electricity, etc. That shaved quite a bit off my monthly bills. Talk to your bank about your situation with the mortgage to see if they will work with you. But for now the most important thing is your emotional well being. Of course, it's all tied in.

I fully understand the enormity of losing your "rock"... your anchor. All you can do is take it one day at a time. Don't overwhelm yourself too much thinking too far out. You need to worry about yourself in the moment. Continue to post here if you can; it will help.

Mitch

[Margm]

I am sorry, like everyone else, that you have to be here with us.  You have members on here that have gone through months, years, and I joined three days after Billy passed.  I would tell him every night "You know I cannot live without you."  He would say "I know."  He knew how crazy I was and I had a plan to follow him fast and be in a place no one would find me, but I would leave notes.  There would be sadness, yes, but it could be a whole sadness, only once for both.  Then I found Marty.  Then I had to rethink things and my granddaughter became the most important reason for my living.  We had raised her.  She was not just a grandchild, she was our child.  Her mom has mental problems.  I could not leave her.  I believe maybe Billy had a hand in me finding this forum.  He had to.  I wanted to follow him so bad.  He had said "The one left must stay."  So here I am.

You have people on here that just read their posts.  Sometimes you find out you are not alone, sometimes you find out you would like to help that hurting person more than even helping yourself.  Just read along.  Marty is a life saver........I know.

[Widowedbysuicide]

All I can offer you is my sincere condolence.  

I came here in somewhat the same way as you in the financial sense and also my Gord was my rock.  My feeling is we have come to a good place that is safe and is totally accepting of our grief.  I'm sorry you're here.

Marita

[kayc]

Massgal,

I'm so sorry you lost your husband, and also are in a financial bind.  I know that all too well.  I mortgaged my house to pay off my husband's hospital/doctor/ambulance bills.  A few years later my friend lost her husband and I found out I might not have been responsible to pay for the medical bills!  Live and learn.  You might want to check into it legally before you pay anything.  I also understand the house being upside down, I have a 38 year old mobile home with land and it's upside down.  I recommend talking to a financial adviser even if you feel you can't afford it, it would have saved me a fortune had I done so.

All of the details will work themselves out in time, the hardest part is the missing them and the pain in our hearts.  We do adjust in time, but the missing them continues.

You've found a safe place here where you'll be heard and understood.  It's so important to have someone to talk to, someplace to let it out!

[rdownes]

I truly feel your pain and understand I lost my husband almost six  weeks ago we still don't know what he passed from it is so hard I wish I had some advice on how to cope I am not in that position myself but I want you to know you are not alone in your pain

[Widowedbysuicide]

hugs