19andlost Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 I've had some really hard past couple days. My best friend was close to my boyfriend who passed away recently. She had a dream about him. In the dream, she had asked Nate (my boyfriend who passed away) about me and he responded by saying that he loves me very much and that he wants me to be happy. Both her and I feel it was a visitation dream and that he came to visit her. Although the dream was supposed to bring some comfort, I feel that he had no right to tell me to be happy. How can he possibly think I can be happy with him gone? I feel that he is happy wherever he is and he is okay, and I am so glad for him but I am so far from being happy. I am so far from being okay and the fact that he doesn't understand how much I am grieving for him breaks me. He knew me better than anyone and the fact that he thinks I can just be happy hurts me. I wonder if he's totally fine without me, if he even grieves for me and the future we were supposed to have. I know this sounds selfish and I feel like a bad person for being so upset that he doesn't hurt for me, but I can't help but cry when I think that I am truly suffering and he couldn't care less. I feel as though he doesn't understand why I haven't stopped crying for him. I have cried about his loss for so many reasons, but the past few days I have cried because I feel that the Nate that is in heaven, isn't the Nate I fell in love with. My Nate would grieve for me. My Nate would be angry and devastated that our time was so brutally cut short. He would understand my pain. However, the Nate that still exists is different and I am so utterly sad. I haven't stopped crying the past three days. I am exhausted from crying and being so sad and not being able to find comfort in anything. I keep longing to feel his presence, see him in a dream, but nothing has happened. I truly feel like he has abandoned me. He said he loves me, but he doesn't show me and instead leaves me to grieve by myself. I am sorry if what I wrote made no sense and was all over the place. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 I don't think you are selfish, and I wouldn't invest too much credence in someone else's dream. Although you and your best friend were both close to Nate, you had different relationships with him. It is very likely that he loved you as much as you love him, and he would be concerned about how you are suffering. It would be understandable that he wouldn't want you to suffer, but having just lost him, any reasonable person-including him-would realize that you would naturally be suffering from his loss. You are talking about your friend's interpretation of a dream that she had. Dreams are very symbolic to the dreamer. Her interpretation is what her experience means to her. You can't take someone else's dream in a literal way like he had written her a letter and she was reading it to you. If you have a dream, you can interpret it, or have someone who is objective assist you in figuring out what it means to you-because it is your dream. But her dream is hers, and it goes through her filter. Does that make sense? What you wrote makes sense, but I think you are unduly suffering from an error in your logic and belief that it is reasonable to take her dream as a literal message from him. You are grieving a terrible loss and it is natural that you would want to feel his presence or see him in a dream or have some evidence. You may get that, and you might not. I would suggest that when you think about Nate that you be true to your real experiences of him and what he was really like with you, rather than being swept away by someone else's experience. Please try to take care of yourself and don't take on anyone else's interpretation that makes you feel worse than you already do. Grief is really hard and it is a long process. You might consider talking to a grief counselor, and keep coming back here. We are all on the same road that you are... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 1 hour ago, Clematis said: I don't think you are selfish... You are grieving a terrible loss and it is natural that you would want to feel his presence or see him in a dream or have some evidence. You may get that, and you might not. I would suggest that when you think about Nate that you be true to your real experiences of him and what he was really like with you, rather than being swept away by someone else's experience. Please try to take care of yourself and don't take on anyone else's interpretation that makes you feel worse than you already do. Grief is really hard and it is a long process. You might consider talking to a grief counselor, and keep coming back here. We are all on the same road that you are... I agree with Laura. If you can recognise how you are feeling and try not to worry about everything you may get a little peace. With that peace you might feel his love again. This is a hope that I have for all of us that are grieving. My thoughts are with you. Marita 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 Besides, of course he'd want you to be happy, you think he'd want you to be miserable? If you died instead of him you'd want him to be happy too. What we want and what is realistic is two different things. My husband would want me to be happy but would be the first to understand my tears and grief. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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