Isn't it my choice?

[Widowedbysuicide]

I'm sorry you didn't have longer Marg.

I like to read your love story.  I see Billy the Kid walks with you and this love story has no end  

[Margm]

1 hour ago, Widowedbysuicide said:

I'm sorry you didn't have longer Marg

I had an impossibly long time compared to some sweet girl, but one lifetime is never long enough.  I would wish for the very impossible, another 54 years.  Why does it sound so long, but it only seems like days, minutes, just moments behind me.  Maybe he is still here and my magical, mystical imagination has not found me again yet.  Maybe it will.  Sometimes I envy those who have lost their minds and live back in the past.  To them their loved ones are just a short time away from them, they will be right back.  My mama sees Billy, told Kelli he was standing right beside her.  They see things we cannot, but we really want to.  I have no envy for old couples I see shopping together, only a sadness that one will have to face what we are facing now. 

I have mentioned before in high school, in assembly, a talent show.  Mary Elizabeth Collier sang a song from the musical The King and I called "Hello Young Lovers."  I was 15.  I cannot remember what I did five minutes ago, but I remember this like it was yesterday.  When she got through I was really crying, it was so beautiful and somehow I felt it was prophetic.  It was.

Don't cry young lovers, whatever you do
Don't cry because I'm alone
All of my memories are happy tonight
I've had a love of my own

I've had a love of my own, like yours
I've had a love of my own 

If you get a chancel, watch this old musical with Deborah Kerr and Yul Brenner.   

[KATPILOT]

Marg your run on stories are great to read. They would be lessened were they not long enough for us appreciate hearing. Run on all you want.

[Margm]

I think it is something I cannot help.  I don't talk that much, but I do run-on typing.  One of my friends was my supervisor, she would answer two lines to my whole page query's about some new program we were using.  I would think "now, why can't I do that?"  Just cannot help myself.

[WolfsKat]

My first Christmas w/out my Connor was made much easier by my friends/family up in Michigan conspiring to get me an airline ticket to "home" up there.....Connor & I had never been up there for Christmas, so that helped.....it was a truly wonderful experience for me, as I'd not been "home" for Christmas in 11 years.....I did have a few "moments".....but overall, it was healing, in a sense.  This one upcoming will be different.  I can't go up due to work obligations.....I will be alone.  Honestly, I wish there were some way to obliterate the pain I know I will feel then......the feeling of total "alone-ness"...but.....trying not to dwell on what is still a date in the future......NO one here to be with that day, wish I could just fast-forward....would rather just work, but will be closed. It is surely horrible to lose any joy in Christmas.

[kayc]

I am in no way ready to think about winter, let alone Christmas.  The holidays are all too lonely.

[iPraiseHim]

On ‎7‎/‎14‎/‎2016 at 5:16 PM, mittam99 said:

Gin and Robin...

When you mentioned calling heaven it brought to mind an episode of the Twilight Zone that always stuck in my mind. The episode is called "Night Call". It's kind of depressing so don't read further if you don't want to...

An elderly woman starts getting phone calls in the middle of the night. It's the faint sound of a man and she tells the man to stop calling and to leave her alone. But he persists. The woman calls the phone company to have the calls traced. To her bewilderment she finds out the calls are coming from a cemetery. The cemetery where her beloved fiance is buried. Her fiance was killed in a car crash the week before they were to be married many years earlier.

She goes to the cemetery with her nurse and finds the phone line on top of her fiance's grave. Shaken, she tells the nurse the whole story of Brian's (her fiance's) death. She had insisted on driving that day and lost control of the car. Brian was killed and she was paralyzed.

On the way home from the cemetery, the woman is happy knowing she can now communicate with her fiance's spirit via the phone. Once home, she gets back in bed and awaits a call from Brian. But the phone doesn't ring. Finally she picks up the phone and begs Brian to please call. He does one last time, but tells her he can no longer call. When she asks why, he says that she "told him to leave her alone" and he "always does what she says".

The episode ends with the old woman sobbing in bed.

I always found this episode tough to watch.

Tammy bought me the boxed set of all the Twilight Zone episodes. I just can't watch any of them these days, 

 

My wife loved the Twilight Zone and would watch them a lot.  I remember that episode but now I can understand it from a different perspective.  Shalom

[KATPILOT]

Isn't it so interesting George how things we saw before or songs we'd heard in the past take on a different meaning now?  When I think about how I felt the first time I saw something and now, I think how I didn't see it coming. I hadn't lost the love of my life yet so how could I have?  It never dawned on me before but today when I see a Twilight Zone episode I think about how young Rod Serling was when he died and the wife he left behind. Did she feel as I do now?  It's almost as if when Kathy died, I put on these new glasses that showed things that were invisible to me before.